Young people

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BeyondBlue New to this Forum? Please read this first!
  • replies: 0

Hey there! Welcome to the Young People section of the Beyond Blue Forums. The purpose of this section is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss life issues, tricky situations and the difficult emotions and feelings that come with tho... View more

Hey there! Welcome to the Young People section of the Beyond Blue Forums. The purpose of this section is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss life issues, tricky situations and the difficult emotions and feelings that come with those. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this is a space for younger people to connect and provide support for each other. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straight away. Information on moderation on the Forums can be found here. Being familiar with our Community Guidelines can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. If we have concerns about your wellbeing, one of our friendly moderators will check in with you privately to make sure you get the support you need. If you need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Headspace – between 9am and 1am (AEST), chat online to a mental health clinician or call 1800 650 890 Kids Helpline – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1800 55 1800 Thank you for being here. We’re glad you’ve found us here and hope this can be a supportive space for you Beyond Blue

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Joy_ I don't know if I can keep this up
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I'm sorry. I just need to get this out and this seems like the safest place to do so. Before I start, I am 15 and currently in grade 10. Towards the end of grade 2, my dad divorced my mum. My 'best friend' left me saying she was never my friend in th... View more

I'm sorry. I just need to get this out and this seems like the safest place to do so. Before I start, I am 15 and currently in grade 10. Towards the end of grade 2, my dad divorced my mum. My 'best friend' left me saying she was never my friend in the first place and I started being bullied. After my dad left, I was made to see a psychologist but stopped seeing her not long after. In grade 4, I saw another psychologist with depression and thoughts of suicide. Not long afterwards, I stopped seeing her. About this time I started talking to the school chaplain as well as having several 'father' figures step into my life - so I had someone to talk to. I was told I was 'better'. But the bullying wasn't over. I began to retreat into books. They were my escape. In grade 6, I saw yet another psychologist but stopped not long after. But I never really got better. I kept going downhill and in grade 7 I started seeing another psychologist and saw her throughout the rest of that year, grade 8 and the beginnings of grade 9. Then she moved away and I started seeing another person at the same place. I still see the same person. Throughout most of this - in particular grade 7 - my mum wanted to move back to England with my sister and myself but dad had said no and it had been taken to court. I remember one day we were both pulled out of school and chucked in a cab to go up to court. Now they have agreed on their custody terms and I effectively live out of a suitcase - being at one house for 5 days in a fortnight. I was told I had a dissociative disorder when I started seeing her and I slowly got better. I was fine through most of grade 9 and this year. But I suddenly got worse. I couldn't sleep. I was woken in the middle of the night and it took me at least an hour to fall asleep. If my phone got a notification before I fell asleep I had to check it - and the process restarted. I didn't want to eat and I lost my motivation at school. I coudn't concentrate and my memory was lacking. The wall I had built around myself was starting to crumble and I pushed away those close to me. I was also feeling really down and was - yet again - considering alternatives. Anyway, now I keep having like anxiety attacks, I have a phobia of ants and I had an argument with my mum just this afternoon. No one knows I don't cope. I had cut off my emotions before and couldn't recognise them at all. Also my mum is a recovering alcholic and also suffers from anxiety and depression. I'm so tired.

Vitam Fear and sorrow rule my life now
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Hello, it took me a long time to find the courage to post this, I am 18 and in high school in year 12, I have Asperger Syndrome and a family history of depression. Last year in the final weeks of school I came to a realization that I had very low sel... View more

Hello, it took me a long time to find the courage to post this, I am 18 and in high school in year 12, I have Asperger Syndrome and a family history of depression. Last year in the final weeks of school I came to a realization that I had very low self-esteem. I thought I conquered it later but then year 12 began, everything got so much worse but I never really noticed it until it was too late, I did a outer school course which was great in the beginning weeks and I felt so alive like I had a bright future ahead of me. Loneliness happened about 5 months ago, I found as if I had nothing or very little in common with everybody around me they all seemed to ignore me or when they did take notice of me it was mainly intended to mock me for what I find enjoyable or that I am too different. I failed at virtually everything and always repeated my mistakes and it eventually got so bad that I became apathetic towards my course, on my 18th birthday I had to go but I down right refused. I have a hobby which I enjoyed so much but now I find it pointless, two weeks and a half ago is when this all started to get really bad I started to feel apathetic towards everything, I slept so much or never slept at all and stayed up for whole days on end. I began to worry about everything more than I usually did, I didn't really notice it since I always usually felt sad but I became sadder by the day and I began to hate myself. I told people that I would fail, that my accomplishments are meaningless and ignored the advice of others with frequency if any was provided. It has now gotten so bad that I am afraid of doing any work at all in fear of failure, I am getting detentions because of it and I am too anxious about informing my parents. I don't know what to do, I feel so alone in this world , I feel like a total failure and I am afraid to do anything related to school or even my hobby that I loved so much in fear of more failure. The school faculty likes to tell us year 12s about failure and it just hammers it home, my parents tell me I am going to fail year 12, its all I hear just me failing something, I don't even remember the last time I heard anything positive about me. I remember crying myself to sleep earlier this year wishing for a best friend. Fear and sorrow rule my life now, I don't think I can make it like this I will fail year 12 and that is something I fear may drive me down farther.

Medow Ever Felt Worthless?
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Sometimes it's hard to feel as if you belong in a community or if life is worth it. Sometimes I feel as if my parents being divorced if purely my fault that all the issues that occur between me and my family is all me. It's hard knowing you have clin... View more

Sometimes it's hard to feel as if you belong in a community or if life is worth it. Sometimes I feel as if my parents being divorced if purely my fault that all the issues that occur between me and my family is all me. It's hard knowing you have clinical depression and the rest is just your mind screwing with you until you think nothings worth it anymore. Life plays tough you have just gotta push through until the sunshine reaches your dim corner, but what if that lights never coming what if i'm gonna suffer in the dark forever is it worth continuing or giving in to the feeling that fulls you so far down there's no coming back? Whats your thoughts?

guest70 Intrusive thoughts when I play football
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Hi, I am desperately looking for some advice. I used to have psychosis. I am better now but ever since I have recovered I have been getting these intrusive thoughts. They are really disturbing. I get them particularly bad when I play soccer and then ... View more

Hi, I am desperately looking for some advice. I used to have psychosis. I am better now but ever since I have recovered I have been getting these intrusive thoughts. They are really disturbing. I get them particularly bad when I play soccer and then I feel so distracted when I am playing the game that I end up playing badly and that just makes it worse. The thoughts are all different. Some are violent, some are racist... my mind just comes up with these phrases that are so offensive and then I am afraid I am going to say them. I don't mean to come up with the thoughts. After soccer I can't sleep until really late at night. I don't know how to stop these thoughts. I think my fear of them makes them worse but I don't know how to stop fearing them either. Please help.. does anyone know how to deal with intrusive thoughts? I don't want to have them anymore and I am so sick of having a problem. Thnaks, Bailey

Green12 Am I OCD (relationship OCD, if it really exsists) or is this just me?
  • replies: 4

Im 22 and hate living a life full of obsessive/ intrusive thoughts.I dont think I ever suffered from true anxiety untill I hit my mid teens. When I was 14 I began my first relationship with a guy from my school, the relationship was great. Roughly on... View more

Im 22 and hate living a life full of obsessive/ intrusive thoughts.I dont think I ever suffered from true anxiety untill I hit my mid teens. When I was 14 I began my first relationship with a guy from my school, the relationship was great. Roughly one month into the realationship I literally woke up one morning with serviere anxiety. I have never felt somthing so terrible, all these thoughts racing through my head about my partner such as 'are you sure you love him?' 'Will we be together forever?' 'Is he right for me?'. These intrusive throughts just appeared out of nowhere and didnt leave, I didnt eat for a week and was serverly depressed. Eventually the anxeity got less but the throughts remained.. I wanted so bad to stay in the relationship but decided to call it off about 1 year and 10 months later because I hated spiking every few months. Anyway, about THREE years later I was looking forward to finally finding a new guy, I was excited to start a new relationship without the anxiety from my first relationship. I met this guy and I liked him straight away but he already had a girlfriend. As time went on I liked him more.. it was a serious serious crush and I wanted him so badly. After about a year and a half from the time we first met, he broke up with his girlfriend and we slept together a couple of days later. I was so happy and then BAM the next day after wanting this guy for so long those intrusive thoughts came back 'are you sure you love him?' over and over, we never even went out, we just did it a couple of times and now I cant even walk to the train station because i have crippiling anxiety about wheher I love him.. what?? 6 months later I met my current bf, we have been toegether for 3 years, his my best friend. From the start of the relationship I had very bad anxiety due to my part experiences and had the same intrusive thoughts.. I learnt to live with it and it did get better.. in the last year ive been pretty good but the anxiety has spiked again. WHY IS THIS HAPPENEING..I love him so much but I have had this doubting thougths with every guy ive been with. Also I might add.. I also have to check my alarm 5 time before bed, that Ive taken my pill 3 times. I have to check my car is locked every time I park it by shutting the car checking every door and boot, checkign the lights are shut. When ive done that I walk away from the car and then need to repeat that prosses 2-3 times before im sure my car is closed before I can leave it.

pd_95 I don't know what's wrong with me
  • replies: 1

Hey all,I'm new here so I'll just stick in a bit of background info before I get to the point. I'm 19 year old male. I have suffered from free-floating anxiety and panic attacks with frequent dissociation (sometimes not occurring during panic attacks... View more

Hey all,I'm new here so I'll just stick in a bit of background info before I get to the point. I'm 19 year old male. I have suffered from free-floating anxiety and panic attacks with frequent dissociation (sometimes not occurring during panic attacks).My condition has gradually worsened since leaving high school and making the transition into university. A few months ago I was admitted into a pysch hospital and I was diagnosed severe panic disorder with agoraphobia. I was there for 7 weeks and got out roughly a month ago. Since then I've been seeing a psychologist and a GP once a fortnight. But since I got out, I've noticed other things about me that seem un-related to panic disorder. I have an extreme fear of being abandoned and whenI' m alone I get really unstable, to the point where I often contemplate suicide. (Admins feel free to edit if inappropriate)I can't be around people for too long as it mentally drains me. I get really stressed and anxious and often leave social gatherings, ect early to avoid freaking out. I also get sudden un-explainable periods where I feel reckless and suicidal for literally no reason at all. During these periods I engage in reckless self-destruction without really knowing why, there's no reason too, I just feel like I want to at the time so I do (does that sound weird). I won't go into specific details as it maybe triggering, but I will say that I don't drink excessively and I've never used illicit substances because the fear of being out of control and panicking is overwhelming. I'm on medication, which has helped significantly, that's why I don't understand? Why do I still compulsively self-destruct without a reason? I'm not a violent person, by the way. Why do I still dissociate for hours?What's wrong with me? My life is fine now, I'm financially stable, I have a support network, I have friends, I'm going back to uni soon. Why do I experience sudden periods of being suicidal? I don't want to die when I'm "normal". Why do I always irrationally think like everyone is going to leave me and I have to frantically cling on them to feel safe? I know it's not a rational thing. Is it a personality thing? And I still over-think every situation until it drives me crazy. I do relaxation, I do CBT, I've got help which has reduced the severity of my condition but it's still there. My head makes me so frustrated, I just want the bad thoughts to stop. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

patrick1256 nowhere else to go..
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i just created an account here because I have a lot to get off my chest and i need guidance. ill try and keep a reallllllly long story as short as possible. i suffered through years and years and years of abuse, then a lot of mental abuse that made m... View more

i just created an account here because I have a lot to get off my chest and i need guidance. ill try and keep a reallllllly long story as short as possible. i suffered through years and years and years of abuse, then a lot of mental abuse that made me feel worthless and like a waste of a life. and i was sexually abused once in a semi unrelated event and i don't feel comfortable talking about it. and i tend to suffer from bad sleep paralysis, basically a sleep disorder when your mind wakes up while your body is still in its sleeping stage and you can see, but cant move and you get really bad/scary/demonic hallucinations. theres a lot of small things i leaft out obviously but the point is, all of this has lead up to me, a 19 year old who only dreams of a new life. yes i experimented with drugs a little bit to try and "cure" my thoughts but i stopped because they made things worse and i have self- harmed a few times but not recently. and i tried killing myself but that obviously didn't work. i gave up on religion because i felt abandoned by god, but after a long internal conflict with the way i was brought up i started to believe again in hopes of change. and right now im at the worst state ive ever been because a 2 weeks ago i dislocated my leg and tore 2 ligaments in my knee so basically im laying alone in my bed thinking about everything and its all crashing down on me. i feel like i said too much to start and im not sure what will happen after i post this but if anyone can give me advice or anything i would greatly appreciate it

berryamy I don't know what's wrong!
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I'm not 100% sure what's going on with me. I am constantly tired, i never want to go/be at school, i am crying all the time! People are telling me that it's just part of puberty and whatever but i am pretty that it's more than that. My friends are gr... View more

I'm not 100% sure what's going on with me. I am constantly tired, i never want to go/be at school, i am crying all the time! People are telling me that it's just part of puberty and whatever but i am pretty that it's more than that. My friends are great but they don't understand. I am so upset and exhausted all the time! I want to know what's going on.

MaeM I cant stand feeling like this for much longer
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All I can think about when I am angry or sad is hurting myself or just putting an end to the misery. Why not? Have to live with it anyway.. I cant stand feeling like this for much longer and I am calling BS on the stupid medication I have to take eve... View more

All I can think about when I am angry or sad is hurting myself or just putting an end to the misery. Why not? Have to live with it anyway.. I cant stand feeling like this for much longer and I am calling BS on the stupid medication I have to take everyday, the GP who is always grumpy to see me, the expensive psychiatrist appointments and the stupid councillor sessions which don't do crap! When I finally found someone I connected with they were impossible to get in to see. And mum just LOVES to complain and throw the guilt trip on me. My parents use to care.. Now they don't seem it. They just complain or stand up for each other. I don't get a say! if im angry my mum is angry. She is stubborn! I cant take this much longer. Im frustrated, angry, annoyed, upset, disappointed, NUMB! Basically everything negative. And ive tried managing it. Not helping. I really do hate myself and my stupid life. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

auschic I've lost my personality
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I feel like I have lost myself. This feeling comes and goes. I'm not sure what it is. Im not sure where it came from. The thing is, a few years ago (about 16 yrs old) I used to be so fun, full of life, sharp and quick witted. I nearly never got nervo... View more

I feel like I have lost myself. This feeling comes and goes. I'm not sure what it is. Im not sure where it came from. The thing is, a few years ago (about 16 yrs old) I used to be so fun, full of life, sharp and quick witted. I nearly never got nervous. I could work a room full of people. I had a great sense of humor and I did not care what people thought of me. I had the ability to make any dull situation into a fun one. One day, that all disappeared. I wish I could say what caused it but I just don't know. It happened out of nowhere. I feel like I've lost myself and I feel so empty. I'm 18 now and most days I just sit on my phone all day watching videos or browsing the net. It's like I'm a robot and I hate it. Im 18 i should be out enjoying life like how I used to be. I have friends but I don't see them much because I feel awkward, I don't know why. I also have this crazy fear of meeting up with someone and not having anything to talk about or just doing something stupid like spilling my drink, and then my face will go red. I think that kind of holds me back from seeing friends and meeting new people. I used to be so confident with people and any social situation but nowadays a simple task like paying for groceries raises my heart beat. Why am I like this? I don't even know what caused this. I feel so tired and drained all the time. It's like I'm blank. I used to be the life of the party but I think if i was to go to a party now I would just feel awkward. It's easier to just lay in bed and not talk to anyone. How can I get my personality back?