Alone

[Pixieyla]

I guess I started feeling depressed when I was being bullied in school, and it never really went away. I've now graduated, and I feel so alone, I don't see anyone except my family-who don't really talk to me. They don't really believe depression/anxiety are 'real' illnesses. I had a few friends a couple of years who were really helpful, and seemed to understand and love me, and now they barely speak to me, like everyone does. I am so alone all the time, it's hard to see a future at all.
Recently, I lost 2 of my 3 grandparents in a month, and not long before that, a friend also passed away. The last year or so has been absolutely terrible and as much as I try to ask for help, nobody is interested and I feel like I'm suffocating in this emptiness.
I have tried counselling and such, but they got expensive and didn't listen to me when I asked them not to involve my parents(I'm

[white knight]

Hi Pixieyla,  welcome here.  There is plenty of reading material on this forum and I'd encourage you to go through it to learn more about topics like yours.

I am here regularly to offer advice from my experience. I also feel comfortable here. That's because it is a place where no one can hurt me and if I step over the line for some reason it is heavily moderated. Whereas in our actual world family and friends - well most will never understand even with education.

I was a prison officer 35 years ago. No matter how I tried to paint a picture of what it was like working in a jail...few understood.

When it comes to losing loved ones...grief takes time no matter what, in order to move forward. No use trying to "get over" these things, it wont work. Grief takes time so let time heal I'm afraid.

I want to address bullying. I was bullied in school. I'm 58yo now and I was also bullied at 53yo and early this year that last two were cyber bullies in a motoring club. Nowadays you'd think it was on the decrease but social media has increased it. I'll tell you of my strategy in reducing it-  you learn to live on the fringe of where others seem to thrive, you develop a few even one close friendship and not yearn to get too many, you dont tell strangers of your issues with mental illness, you keep your numbers of friends on FB to a minimum (I went from 180 to 45 much better) and you begin to work on your own confidence. By that I mean you work on accepting yourself as an individual, appreciating yourself as a unique person that has his/her place in the world just as much as Robbie Williams or Kylie Monogue does.

And of course you seek regular visits to your GP and his referrals and subsequent medication. I urge you not to withdraw completely from society however. That is unhealthy and unwise. You need a balance, get everything in a balance to improve your chances of happiness and in some cases survival.

Try not to have expectations of people. They mean well most times but are limited even though they love you. Just love them. Giving love even to the naive is therapeutic in itself. Soul cleansing, kind and worthy. Some will love you for loving them....and that is where you will succeed in having close relationships.

[Silverorchid77]

Hello, welcome to Beyond Blue!

I would strongly suggest contacting the professionals on Beyond Blue, you can chat or email a professional without your parents ever knowing!

Have you tried getting more involved in your community? Such as joining a sport or hobby group or getting involved in charity group or volunteer work? It's a great way to meet new people, take your mind off things, might even learn a new skill and make you feel great for contributing to the community and helping other people. 🙂

I'm sorry to hear about all the deaths you've had to cope with. That is very sad news. It will take a while for you to recover from that, even years. Overtime the pain will dull. Just hang in there.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

Silverorchid.

[White_Rose]

Hello Pixie

I am so sorry to read of your difficulties and the loss of your grandparents and friend. As WK has said, grief takes time to heal so try to let it happen. Fighting makes it worse.

First l am pretty sure that no psychs or counselors are not allowed to discuss your health with anyone unless they have your permission. Please see your GP about your depression. If you are not certain about the confidentiality, go to another GP. Look under Resources/ Health Professionals at the top of the page and see if there is a recommended GP in your area.

Your GP can write a mental health plan for you which will allow you to receive, I think, 10 free visits to a psychologist. This number can be renewed later as necessary. Go to a psych not a counselor. If your doctor recommends medication, then try it. It often helps. Be clear to the psych and doctor that you do not want your family notified or involved at this stage.

No doubt he/she will ask why, but as you are a legal adult (I presume), and even if you are not, it is up to you to make this decision. Sometimes families are wonderful in this situation and sometimes not. The psych must respect your feelings. Later on you may wish to involve the family and that's OK. In the meantime, do whatever feels safest for you.

Asking for help can be a problem, which is why I suggest going to a mental health professional. Families and friends just do not understand and can so easily make you feel worse, stupid or worthless. Depression frightens people and they tend to hang back when all you want is someone to listen to you. Or they go to the other extreme and want to give you advice, though they have no idea what they are talking about.

It looks as though your post is incomplete. Did you press post too soon? Write in with any additional comments you want to make.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards

LING

[Pixieyla]

I did see a couple of GP's, and had the 10 free visit thing, but the person I saw wasn't great at actually listening to what I had to say and what I personally felt was wrong, she would just tell me what she thought without considering what I felt..I'm not sure how she qualified at all for her job, in retrospect, aha.
I've been on and off medications since I was 14/15(I'm 19 now) and each one has made little to no difference, and the only difference they made was to make me sleepy all the time and aggravate my anxiety(I always stayed on them past the side effect stages) eventually I gave up on them, my GP only wanted to keep upping my dosage of the same meds and it wasn't worth it, they're expensive and don't so anything. I'm trying to find someone now who will listen to what I say as well as explain everything in detail so I know what to expect, here's hoping I find someone better.

A few years ago my mother barged into my GP's room and demanded to know what was happening, they told her the absolute basics to get her out and since then, she has claimed to also be depressed, which I believe she may mildly be, but won't see anyone about it. That doesn't bother me as much as how she claims to have worse anxiety than I do-I can barely leave the house without having an anxiety attack, I can't sleep or talk to people, and she has no problem with anything, and has never had an anxiety attack-something she admits to. However she claims that my anxiety is not as bad as how she worries about things, and it's unbearable to see her belittling how I feel. My father straight up believes depression is something people use to 'have an easy life'. It's not easy at all.

I used to talk to a close friend who calls me her little sister because she understands, she went through a lot of the same issues and she would share as well. She moved a couple of hours away and barely speaks to me, when she does she doesn't ask how I am or what I'm up tp-there's no interest at all and it kills me. I can't make friends easily, and she was the only one I've ever been comfortable with. I don't know what to do anymore.

[AGrace]

Hi Pixie,

I can relate to how alone and lonely you are feeling. It's tough when people either dont understand or dont support you in getting help.

Id strongly suggest seeing one of the GPs on the list and requezt a referral to a Psychiatrist. I think a mew mental health plan should cover you for Psychiatric sessions. Do your parents have you covered on private health insurance? If so the Psychiatrist should be able to get you into some form of outpatient program. If not then there should still be something in the public system. Iny experience group therapy is good if u have anxiety as it givesvu a chance to be around nonjudgemental people and learn some skills to help you get back on track.

I know ur still very young and im sure all of this is overwhelming but once you are set up with some good professional care have a think about not sharing too much information wuth your parents. It doesnt sound like theyre being too helpful.

Are you studying or working at the moment? What sorts of things do you think you could get involved in to help you meet others who share common interests? Panic attacks are really daunting and can limit you socially but there is medication u can take to help. Have u tried guided meditatipn? I have youtube clip on my phone and computer called 8 minutes to calm it helps me get out the house.

AG

[White_Rose]

Dear Pixie

It is such a disappointment when the people who should be helping do not do so. I used to have a psychiatrist who fell asleep while I was talking. Very encouraging!

I know you have tried the 10 sessions but you can do it again. Insist on being referred to a different psych and tell your GP why. If the next person is not helpful, then go back to your doctor, before the 10 sessions run out and ask for a referral to someone else. Look up the GPs as suggested and go somewhere without telling your parents. The doctor should not have told your mother anything even if it was to get rid of her. If push comes to shove they can ask the police to remove her. I am disappointed for you that you have been exposed to this experience.

AG has suggested you see a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist. This may be helpful. While you can claim the medicare refund there is usually a gap payment which varies hugely. Sometimes the psych will bulk bill but you need to find out first.

Do you have your own Medicare card? I suggest you get one if you are still listed with your parents. It's only a matter of filling in a form at Medicare and showing ID. You are entitled to get your own card from the age of 15 and it could save a lot of hassles.

Are you working? AG has already asked if you are covered by your parents private medical insurance. If not, I suggest you look at private insurance for yourself, though I understand it is an additional cost.

Well, it looks as though I have made a huge number of suggestions so I will stop. Please get back to us.

LING