Struggling with happiness, motivation, and the ability to concentrate

[Cesca1557]

Hi,

Ive never posted on a forum before but i thought it would be a good way to vent and ask for a few tips.
Ive had depression and anxiety for almost 7 years now but throughout all the years Ive always managed to keep my motivation levels towards studying at either high school or university high. However the past two weeks I have really struggled to get out of bed to do the work that I need to do, and when I am listening to the lectures or beginning to write out notes or memorise content, I find myself zoning out or losing focus really easily. I have a lot of assessments and tests next week so usually this would be the time where I would ramp up study so that I could cram in everything I need to know by then, but I cant seem to concentrate for long enough to do what I need to do.

The last few weeks have been average to say the least, ive been feeling very empty and numb at times and I sometimes cry multiple times a day. A lot of different things have been hitting me recently and I have been struggling to deal with it all. I have a psychologist appointment in a week and a half but I just dont know what to do in the mean time.

[Cesca1557]

hi,

sorry for my very late reply! i thought i had already replied days and days ago but clearly didnt
no not too many side effects but sadly not too many positive effects either

i have had so many numb days since being on them, i just feel so drained and exhausted, i truly dont know how much longer i can keep doing life while still holding hope that things will get better.
its been over 4 weeks now by the way 🙂
i have appointment for thursday morning, so will be glad to be back, although i dont really know where to start. And i know i wont be able to book another appointment for a few weeks as it is quite expensive, even with the MHC plan rebate thing.
how have you been since you last posted?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Cesca1557,

Thanks for your post.

It's great to hear from you again even though I'm sorry you don't really have great news to report!

Ah, so you've been on the meds 4 weeks and still feeling pretty numb; have you talked to your Doctor about it? Sometimes getting the meds right can be tricky because in one sense our Doctors want us to be on it for around 4-6 weeks to see if it helps and if the side effects settle and on the other hand some medications click and others don't. If only it was easier! Perhaps trying another medication might be something to think about?

How have you been coping in the meantime? Hope is good! I know you talked about exercise and music in the past; have you been doing that recently? Did you get a chance to try some meditation?

Totally get that you don't know where to start; it can be pretty overwhelming especially in those first few sessions. Will this be the first ever appointment? Sorry lots of questions! If it is, hopefully it can put you at ease to know the first session is usually not too crazy or in-depth; just a few questions about where you're living, what you're doing (school/work), who you live with, relationships - and maybe what brought you here and how they want to work with you.

Oh, and I've been okay! Thanks for asking 🙂 I too am looking at getting into see a therapist again just trying to find a money tree 😉

[Cesca1557]

the last week has been not great at all tbh.
today has been nice so far, i saw some friends for lunch at uni, and studdied with them after, but by the time i got home i was so drained and exhausted. its crazy how trying to be happy for a few hours can take so much out of you.
yea its been just over 4 weeks now, i see a psychologist tomorrow, but my GP in about 2 weeks once ive hit the 6 weeks mark to see if it has had any improvements.
i think at 6 weeks i will increase the dose, as i can do higher, but if that doesnt show improvements i will have to swap to another one.
i havent been able to go do exercise much at all the last 2 weeks actually. last week i was barely at home (went interstate for a funeral, and then to a friends holiday house for a few days) so didnt have any time, and when i got back i got really sick. only just getting better now, so will hopefully be able to go when im feeling better.

still havent tried meditation yet! i know its bad, i really should. once some of my uni exams have finished next week, i might start it.

no i used to go a few years ago a bit, but havent really gone since then, so its the first one in a while. im going to the same one i used to go to, so hopefully they still have some of the things i said on file somewhere so there isnt as much to recap.
oh lovely, yes they can be really expensive sometimes. even with the mhc plan i have set up, its still going to cost a bit, so ill only be able to go ever month or so as i cant afford to go more frequently.
wouldnt it be nice if money really did grow on trees haha

nice to hear from you

thinking of you x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Cesca1557,

Thanks for your post.

Ah I'm sorry you've had a tough week. It sounds like you pushed yourself a little to do some study and lunch so I'm really glad you did that! Even if you did have to put on a happy face. I had a look back through the posts and can't seem to see but have you talked to any of your friends about what's going on? Is there anyone who knows how you're feeling?

I'm sorry you had to go to a funeral - I hope that you are okay. I imagine that if it were me it would definitely add to the stress.

It's totally okay that you haven't tried meditation yet! What are the ways that you've been coping lately?

Sounds frustrating that you have to wait so long to get your meds sorted! That's the really tricky thing; sometimes they're okay and sometimes they're not. I'm guessing that you had your appointment with the psychologist yesterday; how did it go? I agree, it's great that you're seeing the same one you used to. Sure does save a lot of time!

It's also great to hear from you too! I love that you're coming back and keeping us updated on how you're going 🙂 I think of you too.

[Cesca1557]

hi!

yes i dont think i have spoken about it on here, may have talked about it on my main thread: taking antidepressants for the first time tommorrow morning.

I do have one or two friends that i talk to about some things, two of them know im taking AD's. pretty much all of them know about my dads mental ilness and that it has been difficult, but i dont tend to go into much detail.

thankyou, it was really tough, but in away it was nice to see a lot of my family again.
usually try to cope just with exercise, walks, watching relaxing tv, listening to music etc.
Yes meds are frustrating! hopefully they will start to work soon 🙂 the psych appointment went really well! im really happy that i have gone back and am actively trying to get better now. I have a lot to work through but atleast im starting.
yes it does save a lot of time, dont have to explain the whole back story which is nice!
how are you doing? any luck with finding a therapist?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Cesca1557,

Thanks for your post.

How have you been in the last week or two?

I'm really glad that your friends know what you're going through. When you said before how you were trying to be happy it made me wonder if they knew how you were really feeling. Sometimes our friends just need to see our real selves even if it is messy sometimes! That's what they're there for 🙂

All of those ways to cope sound great; what TV are you watching? I'm currently on the hunt for more episodes so maybe you can give me some ideas hah

I'm so so glad the appointment went well! I think it definitely would help having seen them already and sounds like you're feeling much better since you've had it so yay!

I'm doing okay! and sadly no - I did find one that works not too far away but at the moment it just comes down to money since I used up all my care plan! So I'm working really hard to try and budget it in again, but it's pretty difficult at the moment since Christmas is coming up! I'm using a lot of self-helpy techniques to get me by in the meantime. Thank you for asking!

[Cesca1557]

hi,

they havent been that great to be honest. ive had two mid semester tests for university this week which i struggled to prepare for and complete as i havent been able to concentrate or process information properly. its been incredible frustrating and im hoping it passes soon.

i have just submitted a special consideration application though, which my psychologist suggested, so hopefully i will get some sort of consideration for them

so frustrating when it is money that is the issue stopping you from getting help! i hope you do manage to budget it in. but yes, this time of year is very hard! i have lots of family members birthdays in these few months as well so it is a very expensive time.
glad you are using other techniques to help though! very proactive 🙂

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Cesca1557,

Thanks for your post.

Ah I'm sorry things have been difficult! I can understand how things can impact on your study. It's a great idea though of looking at a special consideration application - how do you think your Uni will accommodate you? Each Uni is a bit different in what they can allow but anything is good!

Oh yes for sure! On one hand I've seen therapists for years so they've given me a lot of takeaways and insight! I probably wouldn't be a good community champion if I hadn't gone through (or going through) some hard stuff myself 😉

Hope the tests went okay!