Struggling to Keep Up

Maui757 · ‎12-02-2017

Hi guys,

I haven't posted in a while, but I'm feeling weighed down and need some support.

I'm an engineering student coming into my last year of study in a couple of weeks. I worked extra hard last year to pick up my grades, and got myself a full time job in an engineering placement at a mine 3 hours from my home, boyfriend and friends. Luckily it was near my parents' place (I've lived out of home for 6 years while at uni) so it wasn't the worst, but I find change hard to cope with and I didn't cope well for the first month of living back with my parents.

I also didn't get a break. I went straight from full time uni and a part time job to my first ever full time job in an engineering placement, and I will be going straight from that into full time uni again in 2 weeks, where I will have to do my thesis and last year of uni, which is going to be super stressful.

I'm struggling to cope. I'm lapsing back into my depression, my anxiety is getting worse, I can't think straight, and I don't have time for a break, though I know I desperately need one. I don't even have time to go and see my psych until I get to Perth, I see my boyfriend once a fortnight if I'm lucky, and my friends even less. I'm also a perfectionist, so I work 50 hours a week at my current job to impress my supervisor in the hopes of getting offered a graduate position (dream goal right there). I'm burning myself out before uni even starts, and uni is a huge trigger for my depression and anxiety on a GOOD day!!

So what can I do to get through all this!? It's eating away at me slowly but surely. I can feel old habits sliding back into place, and I don't have the energy to stop the negative thoughts from taking over. I'm desperately trying to hold myself together for my last 2 weeks of work before I go back to uni, in the hopes that I will be able to magically pick myself up once I'm at uni. Work has all my attention at the moment, and I'm out of ideas on how I can keep it together for the rest of the year...

Any advice will be appreciated. I'm sorry for the confusing post, I tried to keep it short but it's hard because there are so many factors!!! I'm just feeling pretty low and defeated, and I know I've got to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but the more I do it, the weaker I get. My reserves are getting low, and I really can't afford to have a mental snap anytime soon!!!

geoff · ‎13-02-2017

hello Maui, and I see that you have replied to several other comments, so even that's a job to be done for, but thank you.
The 50 hours a week is far too much for you, because you shouldn't have to work all these hours to try and impress your supervisor, if they believe you have the skills and talent then it would be quite easy to notice this just by watching you, and remember the more hours you work, the more tired you will become with the possibility of making a mistake, so I would suggest to cut back your hours.
You also have to realise that working 50 hrs to then going back to uni is going to be an enormous change in what you have to do, and because of this that's another reason to cut your hours back.
Another issue causing more pressure is that you can only see your b/friend every 2 weeks, so not only is this not helping you, but your b/friend maybe complaining as well, and if he says this to you, you will become more anxious plus depressed, which means that the negative thoughts will start to take over, and then you're back to square one.
I am worried that when you go back to uni you are going to crash and won't be able to 'magically pick yourself up', it could quite easily go the other way, downhill, so that's what you have to try and avoid.
I also don't believe that living with your parents is going to work out, because you have advanced to another stage in life, in other words grown up, so this is another stress point just adding onto everything else.
I'm almost out of words, but what you have to do is now begin to think of how far and how quickly you want to go, don't keep pushing yourself to the extreme, because what will happen is that you will fall of the top of the mountain peak, and you nor us want that to happen. Geoff. x

Maui757 · ‎13-02-2017

Hi Geoff,

It is a lot of hours to be working per week, and I do have a tendency to go too hard too fast with everything I do (perfectionism and what not). Perhaps I'll try cutting down the hours these next 2 weeks and see how I go - Thanks for that 🙂

As for the bf thing, it's hard, but not because he complains. He's very good about it, and I almost wish he would complain more haha because I hate not seeing him and occasionally I feel like he doesn't really care that I'm so far away and that he doesn't see me much. This is very likely exaggerated by my anxiety (constantly tells me I'm not good enough for people), and again usually I would be ok to fight off those negative thoughts, but in my current state it's just another thing weighing me down.

Living with my parents is driving me up the wall and I feel like all I'm doing is hurting them all the time, but they're pretty understanding and give me the benefit of the doubt most days. Still, it's not easy but I didn't have any other options there.

I guess I just need a break, I'm just not sure how to go about making one happen!

Thanks for your reply, it means a lot 🙂 Any other advice is welcome.

geoff · ‎14-02-2017

hi Maui, are your parents knowledgeable about anything to do with depression, because does make a huge difference. Geoff.

Maui757 · ‎15-02-2017

Hi Geoff,

My mum is quite knowledgeable about it and my Dad accepts it, as they helped me through a particularly bad patch a couple of years ago. However Mum isn't the best at treating it, as she has her own problems and she's not the best at dealing with them - She probably needs a break more than I do...

However both my parents are quite understanding and very forgiving. They only mean well, so I'm in good hands there. It's more just my lack of ability to control my negative thoughts, especially when I'm tired. I snap at my parents a lot and then feel awful about it. They rarely get angry at me for it, probably because they know the stress I'm under. But if anything that makes me feel worse!! It makes me feel like I'm being such a terrible person to such loving, caring people 😞

JimmiD · ‎16-02-2017

Hey Maui

Lets start with a long pause here 1

JimmiD · ‎16-02-2017

Sorry about the previous part post sent accidentally 🙂

Hi Maui

Do you mind if we start with a long pause here (just sit, relax and breathe for 11 exhalations. Nice full inhalations. Full exhalations. As you exhale say the word 'breathing' to yourself. On exhale 11 exhale with a really long and loud sigh....hhhhhhhhh

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Now just sit, relax and keep breathing with a gentle natural rhythm just for half a minute or so.

Okay. Do you feel relaxed? Good! Repeat that if you want to. You have time okay.

Maui, when I read your post I see that you are really giving yourself your own answers. You have mapped out the whole situation and the answers are there in your text.

Have a read through it. But when you do imagine you are me....a stranger...reading it for the first time with some hope that I may be able to understand and help you find a solution. There are a few key words in there. Find them and list them as headings...it only needs to be a short list.

In the text you have written you clearly show you know the issues. And you know the solutions. Just make your list and under each heading name your solution. Maybe its the same solution for more than one heading. You choose okay.

The solutions (or strategies) wont be complex. They will be achievable. And you will be able to succeed with them.

If you undertake this brief activity and come up with a list of solutions (or even just one overall solution) would you mind posting it. I would love to see what you come up with.

I don't think you will need any hints. But if you do just ask in a post.

I wont say good luck. You don't need it. You really have all you need . . .YOU!

Take Care and Keep Breathing

Jimmi

JimmiD · ‎16-02-2017

PS

Maui

If I may, let me tell you about your 'confusing' text . .

IT'S NOT CONFUSING

So....what do you get out of that? (what I just said)

Hmmmm . . that's almost a hint . .but not quite!

🙂

Jimmi