Excluded from uni course, please help

[Daisy08]

Hi,

After my second year of Uni, I was excluded from my course for failing too many subjects. I was initially on academic probation. I have found the counsellors at uni unhelpful, and it's unclear if I can re enrol into my course. Some say it requires study at another institution, which I haven't don't, and wouldn't even know where to start.

i was really successful in school and know I am more than capable to study. I am depressed and lazy and really lack motivation, making Uni hard where self-motivation is essential. I'm also a shy and very socially anxious person, and find university life very daunting. I would often not go just because I was scared of the other students, even though I know it's silly.

the worst part is i have kept it all a secret from my parents, who are very pushy and would be furious with me. I'm so tired of lying to them.

has anyone been in this situation? Or know how to get the best outcome out of this? I really want to go back to uni to study, especially and I've nearly finished the course, and the career I dream of needs a university degree.

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Daisy

Welcome to the BB forums, and thanks for posting you question here. We'll try to help wherever we can, but if you feel that you need to speak with someone, please ring the hotline on 1300 22 46 36

My first year at university back in '80 wasn't the best either; I think I managed to pass one out of six classes. My problem is that I was living on campus, no longer under my parents rule, and there were just too many parties and reasons to not go to class or study. I blew thirteen thousand in tuition and fees, and knew that I'd have to pay it back someday. And, I had nothing to show for it.

I knew I could study, as I did well in high school. But without someone there to drive me to study, I couldn't find the motivation to open a book or go to class. With all of my elder siblings doing well, I was too ashamed to have to go home and tell them I failed. So instead I came home and told them I am taking a short break from studies. And there is no sense trying to talk me out of the break, as I had enlisted in the Army and would be leaving for training in 7 weeks.

Through the military, I found the drive to study again. Camaraderie is forced upon you, so you get instant friends, and therefore study-buddies. Since then, I have always been able to apply myself and study courses; because of the discipline that the Army taught me.

The military isn't for everyone, but it is a wonderful place to start you life... particularly if you are lacking the discipline to manage your own life.

SB

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Daisy08

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with uni. One of the first things that comes to mind while reading your post is - who is on your support team? You mentioned that you've kept a lot of this from your parents and that the counsellor was unhelpful; is there anyone else that you are seeing or do you have many close friends who you can talk to?

It sounds like whether to re-enrol or not is confusing; is there a student support officer that you can talk to to get some clarification? If not, maybe try your counsellor and see if he/she can redirect you. I'm not entirely sure why you would need to study at another institute.

What is it that you feel that you need to help you at uni?

As you said, you know you can study. Depression can definitely make things harder such as self-motivation, but it's not impossible. Sometimes we just need to have a few more strategies and tools to help us cope. Maybe that means time management, or getting organised, study buddies, reward systems... It's about finding what works for you and what you need.

What do you feel your parents would say if they knew how you were feeling? I do think that it would be really helpful to tell them, even if it's hard at first because that way they can support you.

Also highly recommend that you have a read of some of the uni related posts in the young people section. There is so many related to motivation, dealing with depression, finding friends and just the awkwardness that uni presents!

[SourceShield]

Hey Daisy,

Naww...I really feel for you!

I am hoping to complete a PhD, and it hasnt always been smooth sailing, as you can imagine.

If continuing to study is truly important for you, then you're gonna have to 'come clean' about it.

The lies, will just eat you up on the inside.

BUT...

I feel that you can leverage this...

In a reverse-psychology, kinda-way.

You're gonna have to tell your parents the truth.

Which is...

You have been under a lot pressure.

Thats stressful.

You broke down for a bit...and you have paid for that in a major way.

Expect them to lose their minds for a bit...sometimes a parents care, can look like anger but deep down, you know they love you, okay?

If you are experiencing depression...your mind couldnt possibly keep up with life, the way you and them would want it to.

Its pretty much is impossible for the brain to focus on anything else, in that moment - the science is that - The brain is OBVIOUSLY one of the MOST VITAL organs in the body, when we are going through genuine depression, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems can only focus on 'survival mode', making it pretty much impossible to focus on other stuff that the brain deems non-important.

Even though study is important to you...the brain sees that LIVING is whats MOST important.

Therefore, you 'failing', was actually you experiencing a very real and serious psychological condition.

Depression is real.

And, maybe its time that your parents learned this...so that they can now be there for you, when you really do need them.

Because, I feel your words...you have a genuine interest in wanting to continue with your studies.

You will need to check out some of the other schools if you are unable to complete the course at your preferred UNI though.

Thats just how it is, if doing the course IS really important for you.

Thats just the practical stuff but dealing with the emotional stuff i.e. being honest with the parents, and in turn yourself, that takes courage.

I believe in you.

And, as they've mentioned above...look up other resources to help with the self-esteem, and self-confidence.

It'll help.

Take good care of you.

MuchLove

[Brainz92]

I finished my bachelor’s last year and wish I took time off to heal myself. Study doesn't mix well with depression. My grades are aweful, and honestly I felt much more like a failure after graduation than during my studies.

Tell your parents everything, you'll need their help getting over this hump. Take a couple of years off, maybe go and visit Europe with the money you'll save from work.

[WilliamLuna]

Hi Daisy,

I am in an almost identical boat as you, in my second year of my degree I was excluded for failing more than 50% of my subjects. I put this down to my own stupidity but the consequence has been many sleepless nights thinking about how much I've messed up.

I was just wondering how you were coping now and if you had anything else to share or an update on things so far. This may sound heartless but I find comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this situation.

[TBella]

Is doing your uni online( off campus) an option for you?

Might help with the social anxiety! Just a thought!

I wish you well!

Kind Regards

TBella