Struggling to get my life going

[Corey792]

Hi all, just sharing my personal battle with depression and the reasons why.

I'm currently 20 years old and unemployed with nothing looking up. Growing up my life was filled with so much promise. As a kid an early teen I played rugby league at a high level and was even a NSW and australian schoolboy, I thought for sure this was my career path until I was diagnosed with nerve damage in my lower back which ended any chance I had. I took up soccer and again showed promise and won myself a scholarship in England to play at a semi pro leve at only 16 years of age , but a permanent knee injury took that chance from me.  I always had joining the army as my career goal if my dreams of being a pro level sports sat failed (which is every kids dream, but was a strong possibility for me). I doing my HSC I also done my testing to join the Amy as a commando and was very successful so I breezed through year 12 not picking up an star. In doing just a routine check up before my training began everything went wrong. I failed a basic eye test and required glasses so I had to wait 12 months before applying again, this is when my depression started. During this 12 month period my nerve damage in my back also claimed y hips and I'm now unable to apply for the army with this condition which has left me feeling like I have failed in life. 

This brings me to now, 20 years old and no direction or meaning in life.

I have often had suicidal thoughts but the thought of theimpact  this would have on family and friends has stopped me. Has anyone else had their dreams taken from them and felt worthless? 

Thanks for reading, any support or advice would be great, much love.

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[gmc]

Hello Corey and welcome to BeyondBlue.

I can feel how painful your life has been so far. Having so much trouble at so early age must be so hard. But you know, the fact is that you've come so far not because you let yourself beaten, defeated, but because you're still fighting. Being depressed right now may the the fact that you are still not giving up. You've built an identity and feeling that your identity is taken away and not given back makes you feel down. It's normal, but at the same time maybe it means that problems have started yet before that...

You've proven that every time you were able to build another identity. It's so hard right now, but why not doing it again? You've joined this community, you've assumed you are dealing with a problem, why not doing something? We all encourage you to do so! 

Corey, my best advice to you is to seek for help. From your closest, from specialists, from us on BB. You don't have to deal with this alone. And you know, you're only 20... Life has much more to give you, from everything...

Keep strong! And keep posting if you feel like.

Big hug,

gmc