Confused..

[fuzzy8]

Hi.. Okay, so, I’m new to this, some mates of mine suggested they were worried about me.

So it thought this wouldn't be such a bad place to start, I'm not really sure why I am where I'm at.. but, I guess this is worth a shot..

I finished high school last year, and fair to say it had many ups and downs, there were stages a couple of years ago at school where I felt like I was being excluded from my only friends and I would dread recess and lunchtimes and would occasionally spend them crying in the toilets.

Later that year, I attempted to change friendship groups and I copped a bit of slack for that, I got through it all and the next year ran somewhat smoothly.

The following year I found myself in not a very good place, with no real reason for me to feel such a way. I pretty much just hated myself, I wasn’t enjoying school, and sport, the only thing I really had, was becoming a drag. I felt myself drifting away from everyone, no one noticed me and I would continually hide behind a fake smile and pretend everything was fine.

I pushed all that away, and convinced myself that there was nothing to worry about, and got through the rest of my schooling.

This year I commenced university, and the year has been interesting, I like my course, but other than that, things haven’t been going great, I’m terrible with making friends and find myself feeling more and more alone, yet I’m surrounded by people. I’ve sunk back into the same place I was, I have some bad days, where I just want to stay in my room and avoid anyone and everyone, where even the simplest task seem too much, I don't have many friends, well, not true friends.

I find it hard to explain how I’m feeling and why. I tend to act happy and pretend everything is fine, cos really, I have no excuse for it not to be? Recently and in the past, I have opted to a pretty minor form of self-harm and to be honest, it’s hard to say why, I guess it’s a case of control and actually feeling something.

Some people have expressed concern recently, and I'm not entirely sure how to take it..

I’m totally confused about it all, not sure if there’s anything wrong with me, or if I’m just experiencing a couple of bad days, either way, I’m determined to move past it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Fuzzy

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for sharing your story. I love your name. It reminds me of a teddy bear though I expect you have chosen it because of your feelings.

I am so pleased you have friends who are concerned about you. It makes life a whole lot easier when there are people around who care. You do sound depressed and it is important that you get this checked out immediately.

You say you are at uni. Do you still live at home or is the uni in another city? Being physically away from family can be part of the wretched feeling.

So what to do! First go and see a GP. Your family doctor if you are at home or consult the BB search  process under Get Support at the top of the page. You can find a doctor with experience in helping folk with mental illness by searching on your postcode.

Please make the effort to go ASAP. The longer you leave it the more entrenched your depression will get. The doctor may want to prescribe anti-depressants for you and/or refer you to a psychologist. These are the general options that are used. Try not to shy away from them. Just about everyone who posts on this site has had ADs or been referred to a psych.

It may help you to write down your feelings before you see the doctor. I always forget half the things I need to talk about unless I write them down. That way you can give the doctor the complete story.

Please be assured that we are all in the same boat. Depression is an ugly illness and messes with your brain in ways that those who do not experience it cannot imagine. Good days, bad days, we all want a "normal" life, whatever that may mean. You can get well again. Just hold on to that thought.

Let us know how you get on.

Regards

LING