Struggling to cope with expectations, constant pressure and anxiety

[JWolf17]

Hi everyone, I'm James, I'm 17, and I have something that I feel I need to talk about.

Lately I have been struggling with constant anxiety. I've always been a fairly anxious person by nature but I'm feeling worse than I ever have before. I've taken on a very heavy workload with the subjects I've chosen this year, and I reached a point at which it became too much. I began to stress, I stopped handing in assignments. I've always been a very high achiever, as well as being quite independent with my studies, so when I don't know the answer to something I feel embarrassed. I've found a lot of work challenging this year. I felt more comfortable not handing in any work than handing in work that, in my opinion, was embarrassing. 

The anxiety coming from this has affected me greatly. I often have sudden depressive mood swings, I find it hard to be around people, even those close to me. I feel a constant pressure to act as though I'm okay. When I'm with my friends I don't feel as though I can leave to spend some time alone to calm myself down. I have a very small friendship group and I feel like I constantly have to be around them. They are great people, but sometimes I need space to myself and I don't feel like I can have that. I worry a lot about what they think of me.

With my parents recently receiving my latest report, they now know that I have been missing assignments and not handing up work. Naturally, I'm now under a lot of pressure to catch up. I feel like they're constantly watching me. I know that my parents care about me, but I can't help feeling like a complete disappointment to them, especially when compared to my 3 older brothers. I'm constantly under pressure now and I still feel like it's all too much. 

I've told a couple of close friends about how I'm feeling, but I can't bring myself to tell my parents. I've never really talked to them about anything emotional, and even though I feel like an absolute mess, I really don't want them to feel as though there is something wrong with me. 

I'm really scared about what could happen soon if I don't do something. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of breaking down into uncontrollable crying. I'm afraid of what people will think of me if they know what I'm dealing with. I'm scared of the responsibilities that the next stage in my life will bring. I just want to disappear for a while, so no one can see me and I don't have any pressure to act as though I'm fine. I need help.

Thanks for reading.

[CMF]

Hi JWolf17,

I understand the pressure of trying to keep up with older siblings and their achievements, but it shouldn't but so much pressure  on you that you feel you cant cope as this is not allowing your true strengths to come through. i also understand feeling like a disappointment and feeling you cant talk to your parents. have you thought of writing your feelings down and giving this to them to read, that could open a door to a discussion.  sometimes it is hard to talk to parents about emotional things.  everyone needs space and time to themselves, its important and its how you discover who you truly are so you shouldn't feel bad for wanting a break from your friends, tell them you need to study or catch up on other things. you don't need to worry what others think, its not their business unless you choose to make it their business.  Is there a school counsellor or teacher at school you could speak with? Chances are they have dealt with other students who have felt this way and could help with suggestions on how to handle it.  I know someone like you - high achiever, perfectionist, always trying to help others, always wanting to be the good guy and do what everyone else wants even if he doesn't want to. this person I know spends so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and project this image of himself that he forgets to do things for himself and what makes him happy. he  doesn't know how to say no to people.

I do think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, you mention that you do not hand in assignments rather than hand in something embarrassing - embarrassing in your opinion only. I think you are one of these wonderful people who strives to always do the best you can and puts 100% into everything. this is a great quality and yes you are a high achiever  however can leave you feeling under pressure if you feel something is not 100%. Don't feel like you need to compete with anyone, do your best for YOU.

Hope this helps