Problems with a girl. Feeling lonely and down

[Rapha]

Hey guys, apologies in advanced if I bore all of you. It's just lately I've been feeling extremely down and depressed. I know it sounds really stupid, but there's this girl I've liked for nearly a year now, and when i fall for someone, i fall hard. I'm 17 btw. 

For a couple of months now we've talked non-stop, both texting and snapchatting. Im known around my school as 'one of the nicest guys', as apparently 'i don't have a mean bone in my body', but i think it's more to do with the fact that I have a very strong sense of morals and hate seeing people hurt or upset, so rather resort to being genuinely nice and attempt to make friends with everyone regardless. 

Anyway, after months of talking non-stop, we've only seen eachother twice out of school, one time of which was to go to her free house one evening. I'm quite inexperienced with women (haven't even had my first kiss), and have always had trouble talking to girls in person, sometimes even blushing. It's only recently that this has gone away and my confidence has built up, yet not to the stage where I can muster the courage to make a move. Anyway, nothing happened that night, we really just sat & talked & laughed through a whole movie. Given we still talked heaps, I have always wanted to see her more on the weekends, yet have always been hesitant because she always seems busy and I don't wanna come off as annoying. I eventually asked her to coffee but she said she couldn't at the time due to prior commitments. Even though it was disappointing, in a way it was also a kind of win as it showed i was interested in her. 

Yet, on Wednesday everything changed. She stopped talking on fb, and has stopped replying on snapchat. It's gotten to the stage where I'm starting to give up. I've just invested so much time into her that i would expect something to come of it. Now i just wanna give up. As cliche as it is, she's the first thing i think of when i wake up, and last thing when I fall asleep; I think of her non-stop. It's at the stage that for the past few nights i've been crying myself to sleep cause i'm just so cut up about it. And during the day, even the smallest things can reduce me to tears. I honestly don't understand what i've done to deserve this. 

Anyway, she drives me crazy, and I just feel so empty now. And i wish i could stop, but i can't. Part of me hopes this is just temporary, but I'm not entirely convinced. I just wish she would give me a chance and understand how much i care for her. 

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Rapha,

Welcome to BB and thanks for posting.

I'm really sorry it didn't work out with this girl.  It does sound like from your post you are a pretty decent guy which is hard to find sometimes and I cant' really work out what happened.  Did you try talking to her about it - why she stopped messaging you?  If you haven't yet - do that.  Because relationships can just mess with your head so the sooner that you know what's going on the sooner you can start to accept it and feel a little bit better about it.

It's okay that your upset too.  It doesn't mean that it's going to go on forever and it is only temporary.  The fact that you are kind of young and the relationship is kind of new makes it worse in a way because it hurts a lot.  But, like most relationships and break ups - a lot of time will help you to heal. 🙂  Sometimes people find that it helps to spend more time doing things they like doing, like playing footy or riding bikes - whatever it is you enjoy that helps take your mind away for a bit.  Eventually it just hurts less and less, until one day it doesn't hurt anymore.

Remember that if you need support you can always chat to your school counsellor or ring BeyondBlue on our get support line.

Hope this helps.

Take care 🙂 

[Steve22]

Hey Rapha, welcome to the Beyond Blue forum

 If there is any consolation I can give you bro, I've been through it many times before. One minute everything is going great, then it just goes down the drain. This one chick.. I fell for her bad, got scorched big time.. That's just a distant memory now, I've got better things to deal with these days. I understand you like her, you've invested a lot of time and effort into getting things up and running with her, but it might be for the best to mark it as a loss and move onto other things. Yes, it does hurt a lot, to see the girl you like not feel the same way towards you. Unfortunately, this is all part of life, it sucks, we can't do much about it. Think of it this way bro: If she refuses to talk to you, why should you talk to her?. If she can't be bothered putting in the effort, even say hi to you, don't you worry about her. In life, many people come and go. Friends come and go, girls come and go. But your true bros, they stay. I don't mean to sound insensitive, better off forgetting her and just moving on with life. It's like ripping off a band aid off a hairy arm, it hurts bad, but it heals after time. Many young men go through this, don't think your the only one. I've been through it too, it sucks, that's when you've gotta pick yourself up from the ground and get back to business. Focus on the core essentials: getting through school, taking care of the studies, getting the hours in the book (if your going for your L's). Chin up bro, no more tears, it's time to focus and get a solid game plan going. Get the tasks at hand lined up, get busy taking care of business. Keep us updated on how your bro

[PatT]

Hi Rapha,

what you're going through is a really sucky situation that I'm sure nearly everyone on these forums can relate to. What has worked best for me in the past is to accept whatever has happened, realise it's from no fault of your own and move on. Get your head back onto whatever you'd usually be doing - whether that's seeing friends, sport, videogames, whatever. Pain like this is always temporary. I've been in long term relationships that have crumbled in a single day and the pain feels like it's going to kill me. But it never does. It just takes a while to get back into the groove of things. It sounds like it wasn't meant to be my friend. Pick yourself back up - good things will come around.

[morgs29]

Hey Rapha,

Thanks so much for reaching out to us here. It takes a lot of courage to open up to people and let them know how you're really feeling.

I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened with this girl. We have all been through this at some stage in our lives, and it's always such a painful experience! I'm hearing that you want to move on and get back to your life, but you also kinda want to know what happened? It is a bit weird that she just stopped speaking to you.

It might help to think about what will help you get some sort of closure in this situation. Do you think asking her 'why don't we speak anymore?' straight out would work? Are you ready to hear her answer or is it better to move on without it? You are totally in control of how this plays out. During this time, it's also really important to lean on those closest to you. I totally understand what you mean when you say you think about her all the time. This is what happens when we are infatuated with someone and all of our expectations come crashing down. It hurts and that's completely normal!

What makes you laugh? What do you love to do? Get back to the things you love and the more you do this, I promise you, one day you will realise 'oh wow, it doesn't hurt so much.' Maybe things might work out in the future between the two of you or maybe this was never meant to be. All you have is the present moment at each moment and it's completely up to you whether you choose to use it thinking about this girl - or living life on your own terms.

You sound like a really genuine young man and I reckon there will be a girl out there just for you when the time is right! Just keep doing your thing and keep being you. The right person will notice 🙂

Take care and feel free to drop by this forum any time you need. We're here to support you.

Morgan