Some advice on with a female

hs5u · ‎10-11-2025

so this girl i have met at uni, we were in the same group project and one day started showing signs that she's into me.
And one day she invited me over to her party,
I guess I probably didn't do my part so well at the party, I got a little reserved and missed a lot of the chances to associate with her and actually I ended up just leaving after a few hours

I felt quite remorseful so I messaged her and told her I'm really sorry I left and she was like it's okay, and then i asked her out and her reply was "is there something particular you wanted to chat about". I first thought that was being more open but then in another WhatsApp group chat that we both were part of, she suddenly said something like "oh I can't make it to the group gathering because of work" and suddenly turned on the WhatsApp disappearing messages. I took these actions as being thrown at me because she didn't want to associate with me anymore. So on our 1 on 1 chat I kinda just rambled to get rid of my asking out message as a reply to "is there something particular you wanted to chat about".

And this morning I thought I might have made a mistake so I sent her another message asking "have i misunderstood anything".
She hasn't responded nor read with a blue tick both messages

I guess this means she's no more wanting to get close?

white knight

Hi, welcome

Dating means learning the hard way and you can avoid the hard way by asking others so im pleased you posted here.

Opportunities can be missed via many ways, misunderstandings, shyness even not wanting to reject and others. This is why asking someone out on a date is an art form. Eg is she really into me or just wanting more friends?, does she have a partner but isnt happy so when you do take a step she got cold feet and so on.

Therefore the best approach to make imo is - a compliment, direct but subtle asking if shed make herself available for a date or just friendship. But then there is the friends first approach that some females prefer.

So you have to sense the best method of approach. But make it always clear and if she rejects a date then praise her for being honest and "then id really like to be friends and chat occasionally."

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

hs5u

I actually received a response after a couple of days from her and she said she isn't looking anything beyond friendship and said sorry if there was a confusion.

Right now I'm dazzled, all those things she did till now;

Things that she did was trying to connect with me on zoom, itd be something like when she was doing her presentation her tone of voice sounded like wanting me to jump in and say something about her presentation , or it would be something like if I made any comment about a topic she would put her hand up right after me and would be saying something related or similar, there was also when the zoom session finished on zoom she would stay til everyone leaves and that her and I would be the only ones left alone in the call.

Which I saw these kinds of subtle behaviors as flirts towards me online

Also when there was the compulsory face to face class that we all had to attend in person, I would be sitting somewhere far back in the lecture room and I noticed that she is sitting somewhere a little bit in front of me. She would suddenly turn her whole body in order to face me and would make eye contact expecting the same in return, however I would quickly shake away the eye contact out of you know embarrassment, hesitation.

At the moment I am in very big confusion, all that staring into my eyes, making eye contact, trying to connect on zoom. All these things she is saying did not have anything to do with liking me? I’m not trying to be with her now I’ve let it go, but I’m just feeling like I have been living the wrong life? All this time when there was a girl on the subway, bus, school gazing into my eyes I took that as a flirt and now due to this incident I have become really struck and dumbfounded. Like I would not be staring into another girl’s eyes when I’m only wanting to be friends with her. Nor does the other girl allow me to stare into her eyes unless she has the same feelings. I am super confused at the moment; all those subtle moments which I came across till now with the opposite gender, have I been interpreting them wrong?