social anxiety is ruining my life.

[Guest131]

my names corey and im 22. until about 5 years ago i was the most sociable person always out having fun with friends not caring what others thought was also known as one of the 'cool kids' very popular and always out of the house doing something like partying etc.

I am now home bound every single day i have no job and am scared of the world. some of my symptoms include:

being afraid to go out, afraid to talk to people, cant make friends, sit at home all day, panicking about social events, scared to ask people things, feel like everyones watching me, being quiet instead of asking for things i need, dont like talking on the phone at all, overthink everything, feel like no one likes me, feeling insecure, not going to clubs or anything because im scared of having a confrontation.

 it has gotten alot worse in the last 12 months as the only 2 friends i used to hang out with have moved to different states and now i sit at home all day alone. I am really lonely and crave relationships. im careful with everything i do because i dont want to look bad, even walking is hard because all i think to myself is am i walking weird? are people looking at me?. If u knew me this would be the biggest surprise hearing this come from me. Also not one person knows about my anxiety ive always made excuses for not going to parties and social events and everyone knows me as a tough guy so the last thing they would be thinking is that im suffering from this. Not even my family knows because i act myself around them but they do call me lazy for not doing things but im not lazy im just anxious. When im in a relationship with a girl i constantly have panic attacks when im not with them as i think they are going to cheat on me. I get ignored alot by people and am always the first one to start a conversation with someone strictly through text or social media and even then its rare that i get a reply. I am currently eating as much as i can and lifting weights because i dont want to be too skinny and

i dont know what to do anymore. feel like im never going to be normal like everyone else again. i want to see a professional about it but im scared as i dont work well with strangers. im jealous of everyone around me having fun, going out, seeing relationships everywhere, it kills me!! 5 years ago i was the total opposite to what i am now and thats the hardest thing but i have always had this little anxiety about everything my whole teenage life just nowhere near as bad as now

just want it to stop

[NicoleP]

Hi Corey and welcome aboard. I read your post and could feel your pain. I could also feel your desire to make some changes which is always the first step. I would suggest that you make an appointment with your GP and discuss your current situation so that you can get some assistance. We are always hesitant to look after our mental health, but if we had diabetes or a broken leg we wouldn't hesitate in going to our GP.

It might be worth reading some of my posts with hi_im_ty in the thread Anxiety Suddenly worse than ever.

It sounds as though you have a social anxiety. I too hate going to parties and meeting new people so kind of understand what you are experiencing. I wonder whether you were drinking alcohol 5 years ago that made you more confident (just a thought). It's kind of ironic - you say that you want to be normal like everyone else and yet it sounds like you have managed to put up quite a front and there are probably a lot of people out there who want to be like you. Most people see me as a very confident, capable and reassured person, but they don't know what goes on inside.

It sounds as though your family are concerned about you. They are calling you lazy but you haven't given them any other explanation. Have you thought about talking to them? Is there one person you could confide in? How do you think they would react? Is there anyone else in your family who suffers from anxiety? Both my daughter and I suffer from anxiety, so I 'get' where she is coming from.

Keep posting. There is a wealth of experience and support on this forum

[Jacko777]

Hi Corey, I have suffered from a social anxiety in the past, I kind of know how you feel. Some advice that worked for me...Action Cures Fear. I just got back out there and I gained some self esteem from facing my fear. Just a bit at a time did the trick. And i gave up thinking that people were thinking about me, there is no way i have any idea what other people are thinking. So walk as weird as you want Corey, you can't control what other people think! 

I also suffered from anxiety about my girlfriends but with help from a counsellor I found it was a fear of loss rather than jealousy. It was an irrational fear that stemmed from a life experience.

I hope you do seek the support/advice from a professional Corey, make the step and do it, this could be easier to fix than you think.

[AGrace]

Hi Corey,

Welcome to the forums. It's great to see that you've already received a couple of replies. The one thing to reassure yourself of first, is that you are not alone in how you're feeling. There are plenty of others who experience anxiety to a similar degree.

I wanted to ask whether there was any possible trigger that you can think of that occurred 5 years ago when your anxiety started to deteriorate? Sometimes it can be difficult to identify, but if you can it's worth knowing.

I know that Kezza has suggested a thread for you to join. I'd also try looking through Aggy's thread called "Do you ever feel worthless". You can actually just enter the heading into the search function and it will direct you to the thread. I'm not just suggesting this so you can link up with someone who shares a similar experience, but also because you may find some of the suggestions in the replies to this thread really beneficial.

Have you considered having a locum GP come to your house? You may at least be able to get some prescribed medication, and after some time perhaps feel ok enough to seek some further support?

Of course we also welcome you posting here as often as you wish. Unfortunately though, help only happens when you take that step.

In the interim have you tried doing any exercises to help alleviate some of the anxiety? You can google mindfulness, guided muscle relaxation, distraction techniques, meditation and breathing exercises, and positive mental imagery just to name a few.

I hope this, and the other suggested threads are helpful. Look forward to hearing back from you.

AGrace

[overthink123]

I am so sorry, Corey. I know how this overwhelming it is when everything you do is put  under a self-imposed microscope of scrutiny. I am so envious of people who have no self-awareness. It must be incredibly liberating. I hope you feel better and that the advice others on this forum have offered has been helpful to you. Please hang in there.

[Melissa_ann]

Hi Corey

My name is Melissa, I am also suffering anxiety just like you. I have lost alot of confidence and selfesteem and all I do is sit at home depressed. I avoid socialising with people in all forms...heck I barely leave the house! I don't even use social media anymore, this forum is the only means of communication I have left.

[Username_Blank]

Melissa and corey,, i feel the same as you do.

[Nebulous]

This will be an unorthodox piece of advice but I will give it all the same. If anyone disagrees or finds this strategy harmful please say so, as I am totally unqualified aside from my own experience.

Alchohol is something that can help in the short-term, so long as you do not begin to abuse it in the long-term. I usually pre-drink quite a bit before I go out to social events just so that I can be 'myself' and have a good night. Otherwise I will shy away from people and end up going home early out of all the anxiety I experience. If you can make friends, gradually you will no longer need to drink to hang around them since you know them better, and you can taper off the habit.

This is just what I do, and of course it won't be helpful for everyone. But good luck,

-J