Social anxiety getting the better of me

ribboninthesky · ‎11-09-2018

Hello, my name is Ashleigh. I guess I've decided to want to vent out about how I'm feeling about my current situation, and I found these forums and thought it was interesting, so here I am.

So I am a student currently completing Year 11 of high school. I've been a pretty shy kid all of my life. As I've grown older up to about 14-15, I have began suffering with high social anxiety and I have been diagnosed with depression. To this day I do visit my school counsellor and my psychologist often. They both have different methods in supporting me but they help me a lot.

Very frequently I find myself complaining that I want to go back to being a 5-year-old, and while it may seem weird, I sometimes talk to my mum in a baby-ish voice because if I'm going to be honest I am a huge child at heart. All my life I've been afraid of becoming an adult, and that time for me is not too far away from me as I turn 18 in a year. I also always worry about other people around me about how they are doing and how they think or feel of me. For the first three years of me being qualified to apply for a part-time job, I've been putting it off because of my increase in my mental illnesses. I've always been concerned about once I do start my first job when I begin communicating with customers and co-workers. I'm always imagining myself forgetting what to say, misunderstanding people or tasks, and just overall having a panic attack in the middle of the store aisle etc. This is all because they've happened to me before and I'm always worried that they'll just keep happening and get worse each time. I find it difficult to approach someone I'm not super close with and actually begin a conversation with them. People have continuously told me to work in fast food but I can't even step foot in a restaurant to order food without hiding behind my parents. I've been a very reserved person from birth but I'm always kind to everyone I meet. I'm just constantly worrying that I'll get fired within my first shifts because of the way I do or say something. But I have been pushing myself because I want to start receiving my own source of income.

I'm not sure why I made this post but you don't have to reply if you don't want to. I just like writing down my current thoughts and storing them somewhere. If you do end up reading all of my rambling on, I appreciate you taking the time! I'm new here as well so this is my first post 🙂

Ell43 · ‎12-09-2018

Hi Ashleigh,
Welcome to the forums! I’m so glad you posted! I didn’t feel like you were rambling at all as I was reading your post. In fact, I felt like you were in a really relatable situation.
I think it’s pretty common for people coming up to the last term of year 11 to start being worried about the future and “adult” life. Schools put a lot of pressure on students to know the career they want to peruse, and that can be really stressful and anxiety provoking. I also think lots of people wish they could turn back time to when they were younger and life was more simple!!

I guess regarding your concerns about social anxiety and how that is impacting your decision to look for a job, the only advice I can give you is I felt pretty similarly to you when I got my first job in retail (at 19). I HATED ordering food at restaurants, would NEVER go shopping without my mum and REALLY wasn’t comfortable walking up to people starting conversations. What I found really strange when I started the retail job though, was that it was actually easier being the one who had the information to offer customers, rather than the one asking for it? It’s really weird, but I found when I was in my store, I was a lot more comfortable talking to people, than when I was in their stores.
I guess I would have never found that out if I didn’t try. The other thing that helped me I think was that I started in a “Christmas casual” role, which meant I was really only working there for December and January. So if I absolutely hated it or was no good, I wasn’t locked in for ever.

I pushed myself for the same reasons as you, the income haha. But I actually found I gained a fair bit of confidence just by being forced into that social situation. The other thing to keep in mind is that its really good practice. At the end of the day, if you go for an interview and can’t think of what to say and don’t end up getting the job, all you’ve done is get some awesome interview practice!

I know it seems like a clique thing to say, but try not to put to much pressure on yourself Ashleigh. The fact that you are regularly visiting a psychologist and the school counsellor is pretty impressive. You’re taking really great steps to help yourself!!
Year 11 and 12 are not easy years. Try to be kind to yourself and remind yourself all you can control is right now. The future will happen and you can worry about that when it arrives. More often than not, its not half as bad as we thought it was going to be
Ell

baet123 · ‎12-09-2018

Hi Ashleigh,

Welcome to the forums. It is a great non-judgmental place where you are always welcome to post as much or as little as you feel comfortable with and thank you for telling us about your situation.

Sharing your emotions and expressing your feelings for many including myself can be extremely challenging and you are very brave and courageous for doing so. Ell43 has made some excellent points and I will try and not be redundant 😄

Firstly, it is really great that you see your school counselor and psychologist regularly. This is extremely important for your well-being. I am glad you are having some success with them and that you find them helpful.

Too be honest and many people won't admit it but we a lot of us are a big kid at heart. I am probably one of the biggest!!!! 😄 😄 I think that is nothing to be ashamed or fearful of. Your concerns about being an adult are totally valid and normal. Adult life brings with it many challenges and it may be scary at first, however it also brings with it many opportunities and allows many of us to grow and be the people who we truly are.

It is great you are pushing yourself and earning your own source of income. That shows immense dedication, commitment, drive and independence. Great stuff. When I was your age all I thought about was video games, sport and enjoying myself, still do to some extent LOL but I would love to have had your drive and work ethic but we live and we learn I guess.

Nothing in life worth doing is easy but you seem to be a driven, energetic, responsible and independent individual with their whole future ahead and I sense some great things for you in the future.

The future and what it holds can be a daunting thought but we can only control what we can control and you have all the foundations in place for a bright and prosperous future.

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Hope this helped.

Baet123 (Nick)

Roobot · ‎12-09-2018

Hi there,

I've been an adult for a long, long time and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I feel like a kid and totally unprepared for some of what life throws at me. In sure there are plenty of other adults that feel the same! Forgive me for using humour in a situation that is so tough for you. There are jobs out there that aren't fast food or retail. Maybe a careers counselor could help with that?

And I don't think you were rambling, you wrote very well.