A lot of different feelings..

[Ash19]

Hi.

First time posting. I have a lot of different things I just wanted to get off my chest, to share with people who may be experiencing the same things and offer any advice.

I just feel as though I am not the same person I was 2 - 3 years ago, I feel like I was so much happier then. I don't do the same things that I use to love so much and I miss doing them but I just feel like I don't have the energy.

Some days I just feel so sad and don't want to do anything. Sometimes I'll be sad and there won't even be a real reason. I work two casual jobs but am only really productive in that sense four days at most out of my week. Most other days I just stay in my bedroom and binge TV shows, hardly leaving the house. I feel as though I am doing nothing with my life, which I know I have the ability to change but I just can't seem to find the energy to do so.

I have issues with my self esteem as well. I have for a long time. I hate everything about myself, just struggle to feel comfortable with who I am. Some days I'll get really hung up on it and I'll just get really down. Feelings of not being good enough, of looking how I do, even just feeling like I'm a shit person.

When I go out in public by myself, I tend to feel anxious, self conscious and uncomfortable. Especially in crowded spaces, I feel really overwhelmed. I can't help it. I shared these thoughts with my mum and she wasn't very supportive.

I have no friends, one by one we just stopped talking. It just seemed like I was the only one making any effort, made me feel like crap, like they couldn't care whether I was in their life or not. So I stopped being the one to send messages first and then I just stopped receiving any. I feel as though I'm just a boring person and just bother people. I feel really lonely most days but it's not easy for me to make friends, I'm pretty quiet until I get comfortable with someone.

However, I did meet a guy online a couple months ago and have been dating for a little while. I'm afraid though that he'll eventually give up and leave because of some issues, one being that I struggle to share a lot of my feelings and thoughts - to be open, not just with him but everyone. It's kinda starting to become an issue. I can tell he's frustrated and I can understand why but I just can't seem to let myself comfortably share my feelings..

Sorry that my post is a bit all over the place, I just have a lot on my mind.

[Chai98]

Hi Ash19,

Snap! I have been feeling really down and decided to have a look on these forums (something I haven't done in about 4 years) and came across your post. It's sad to know that someone else is going through the same things as me - I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, so I am really sorry to hear you've been feeling like this.

Like you, I haven't felt like 'me' in a long time. I no longer enjoy doing the things I once enjoyed and have no energy to bother trying. I often feel overwhelmed - especially in public/overcrowded places. I have self confidence issues. I have no friends - no one wanted to be associated with the depressed anxious girl. People stopped contacting me, and I felt even worse when I was the one to always iniate anything - no one cared or bothered to include me in their lives. I gave up on trying to include them in mine (which hurts, and is really lonely).

Best piece of advice I can give you? Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not being 'you'. For not having any energy. For feeling overwhelmed. These things are normal - even people that don't suffer with mental illnesses have these problems. And that's ok. It's ok not to be ok! And try to have faith that things get better, because they do - I've been there. I have gone from the darkest pit, to coming out the end of the tunnel and feeling somewhat normal again. I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, but I have had good patches too. That's what gets me through these darker ones - holding onto the hope that I will have better times again. Oh, and also, you learn to live with being the 'new you!' Sometimes it's not always a bad thing...if there's one thing I have learnt from all this, is that I am strong, and I would bet my life that you are too - you just have to hang in there.

Best wishes,

Chai

[Ell43]

Hey Ash,
Thanks for making your first post! I made my first one just last week, it’s not easy to just start typing things to everyone, so well done! Very brave!!

I am SO glad Chai replied with what’s probably way better advice than I can offer because it’s coming from someone with lived experience with such similar issues. I couldn't agree more with what they said!! Sometimes we have to remember to be as kind to ourselves as we are to everyone else.

I thought I might suggest a really small practical thing you might be able to try.
Are you able to think of one thing you used to do that you loved and miss doing, but can’t find the energy for and make a plan to do that one activity for just one hour this week? It can be really daunting trying to think of having the energy to do big activities lots of times through the week like you might have in the past, but sometimes if we set ourselves small achievable goals, like just 1 hour, we’re more likely to attempt them.

If the activities you used to do are too big, or hard to make work. Could you try just simply going for a walk?
Can you plan at the start of the week that on your first day off work that week you will go on a half hour walk at a particular time in the day.
Try to stick to it and go for the walk, then after it is done, reward yourself for the activity with an hour of tv in bed. You don’t have to feel guilty about that time watching tv for that hour, because you have achieved the activity you planned for that morning and you’ve earnt the down time.
I feel like a walk is a good place to start because you can do it on your own or invite others. The weather is heating up and it’s getting nicer to be outside. We KNOW exercise is great for us and the endorphins that are released actually help produce more energy, and it’s not too strenuous (don’t go and try and run a marathon lol, a stroll will work too haha). If you find it works for you, you can increase the length of the walk, or the amount of walks you try to talk for the week?

You might think that’s a terrible idea, and that’s cool. I got the idea from a theory called positive activity scheduling. Feel free to have a google and see if it is something you might actually like, but just not in the way I have described it 😃