Hello Ambivalent
Welcome to Beyond Blue. You can talk about anything you wish here (well so long as it's not rude) and find a lot of support. I have depression which started some years ago. I take medication. Generally speaking I have a good life though of course there are the usual snags everyone experiences.
Let me tell you quite categorically you are not insane. I have said that about myself and received this answer, "If you can think and talk about it you are OK". And it's true. I know it's hard to get out of your head. When you have these thoughts you need to make an effort to think of something else. Sounds easy but in reality you have to practice doing this. Or go and do something active.
I wrote a list of things to do and put in my fridge. Every time I start dwelling on something not nice I look at my list and do one of these activities. Weeding the garden is not a favourite of mine but if I have been over thinking things then it's great. I can tell the weeds what a nuisance they are and how they mess up my garden. It may sound silly but it works. I don't know what can do. You will have to make up your list. Try it and see.
If you tell your GP or therapist that you think you are crazy I bet he/she will smile. They have heard this from lots of people and it has not been true. Where I think you need help is in managing your depression and anxiety. This will not happen if keep hiding your thoughts and feeling from your therapist. You have a mental illness like most people who write in here. To manage this you need some professional help, and you need to be completely open when talking to them. So take a deep breath and say it out loud.
Looking for new evidence that you are crazy will be frustrating because you will not find it. In turn this will give more power to your depression. So skip the searching and concentrate on getting some therapy and working towards your good mental health.
Mary
