First Hello from a high schooler

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Hello there, hope you are well

I am TourmalineSpectacles (or just Specs for short). Gender is male/ queer and pronouns are he/him. Had not seen professional help as of yet. Atrocious sleep patterns.

To be honest, I have been considering joining these forums and/or seeking help for quite a while... maybe since 7th grade. I suppose I am here to find some support as I cannot rely on family due to having a bad relationship with them and i am not completely comfortable with sharing some of my problems with friends, knowing that they too are going through the high school and have their own hardships to face. This seems like a very safe, supportive and lovely community so it is important for me to try.

So... problems-I have many. My home, school and social life all prove to be stressful. Being a person that wishes to have a masculine or androgynous representation, I struggle to fit in with my environment. I go to a 'girl school' and have a very feminine first name in the official records. There I am forced into an image of femininity due to the uniform and peers that do not know of my preferred name and pronouns. I feel extremely stressed whenever I am referred to by unfamiliar peers, not knowing when and how to explain who I am or if I should at all (which I know is irrational as the school is supportive of the LGBT+ community). Also, at the domestic scene, I feel rejected as I have very close-minded guardians that only believe in the cis gender binary identity. Among friends, the gender identity is much more accepted (which I am very thankful for), however, I still often get plagued by thoughts like 'no one truly believes I'm a guy'. It is one of the many reasons why I often experience hopelessness and the thinking I am worthless.

Another main concern are friends. I am unable to say what I think a lot of the time because I am always thinking of consequences and the negative usually overrule the positives. Furthermore, my closest friends may be suffering from mental health issues and have suicidal thoughts and I worry for them. I know for sure that one of my best friends has depression and have seen professional help, and is prone to feeling really bad about themselves. A significant reason for coming here is to find out how to help them.

Despite my shy nature, I would love for anyone to talk to me, share experiences or offer advice, so please do : )

Thanks for anyone who reads this

[White_Rose]

Dear Specs

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Great move writing in here. No judgements or hard words. There used to be an LGBTI forum but it was not used very often so the threads were put into another forum and I cannot remember which one.

I am sorry to learn of your hard time. I can appreciate the various difficulties you face. A friend of mine had a daughter who wanted to be male. She had loving and supportive family and decided to go through the change process. I think there are specific words for this so please forgive me if I express myself awkwardly.

Mom was a keynote speaker at a conference I went to and she told us her daughter's story. It was part video with her and now son speaking about their experiences and partly her thoughts. I found it very moving. Her son seemed very confident about his new identity and was happy to chat about it. He does not live at home, all children grow up and move, but he has a key and can always go there if he needs refuge.

My friend spoke of the sadness of losing her daughter and her happiness with her son. I think it is hard on parents to accept such drastic changes and have absolutely no idea why it is so. Is this the problem in your family? Are you considering a change of gender?

As you say, many students are struggling just to keep up at school and when you add the difficulties you mentioned I can see how hard it is. Have you found any support in the community. You can copy this link into your browser. www.lgbtihealth.org.au/ where you can find information and support.

As you are coping with so many difficulties I wonder how you feel about counselling. Perhaps talking with someone who will listen and help you find some kind of order in your life

As your school is a supporter of the LGBTI community, can you talk to your school counsellor about this? I know it's not the only topic in your life but it is significant. You also would prefer having friends where you can talk about the everyday happening in life and perhaps a counsellor can help you in that area. What do you think? Another option is to chat with your GP and see if he/she can help you find a counsellor.

I have asked someone else to write in here and it may be useful. In the meantime, please carry on writing.

Mary

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Hi Mary, thank you for the welcoming and taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

To answer to your question, there is indeed a problem in the household as there is a lack of trust and understanding between all the members, along with the clashing of personalities. My guardians carry an discriminatory attitude towards the LGBT+ community so I don't believe it is safe for me to approach them.

Also, I am not exactly considering a change in gender, instead it is more along the lines of wanting to be accepted and seen as someone of the androgynous to masculine spectrum, the gender which I have believed I am for as long as I can remember. So in my case, the 'daughter' never really existed. However, in the context of documents, I do wish it is changed to something more fitting.

Your suggestion for seeking a counselor or GP is a very good idea as they will likely offer some professional advice, which my peers cannot give. The school definitely seems like a good starting point, I think I will attempt a visit this year. After all, the counselors at school are more familiar to my everyday environment. The matter of speaking with friends about the circumstances may occur very gradually because the act of burdening them with my troubles does not seem right. Maybe not achievable now but an attractive idea nonetheless.

Thanks a lot for your help,

Specs

[White_Rose]

Hello Specs

Thanks for clearing up my misunderstandings. Yes, I get what you mean about being recognised as the person you are rather than some imposed persona.

I think you will find, if you don't push it, that talking to your friends will come about naturally. I suggest you go with the flow on that one. I am sorry your guardians are not prepared to help you in any way, but now you know this you can work around it. Just out of curiosity, and don't answer unless you wish, do you not live with your parents or do you call your parents your guardians? I must admit I am intrigued, which is probably another word for nosey.

I suggest you approach your school counsellors sooner rather than later. You will become more involved in study as you move through the school which may leave little time to help your personal growth. This is an important time for you so start the process of counselling of some sort soon.

Mary

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Greetings Mary,

On the earlier posts, I referred to the people I live with as guardians, which does refer to parents in the conventional perspective. I do not see them as true family which is why I would not call them parents. Personally, I do not find the family structure to be of importance as I would rather judge people by the interactions.

Also, I will put earlier action into consideration as you do raise valid points about the time restraints that will only intensify.

Have a good day or night,

-Specs

[Just Sara]

Hey Specs and welcome to our caring community;

I'm Sara and a member of the LGBI+ community here on BB, and identify as Bi. I invite you to join us in the Rainbow Café in the Social Zone section as well. At present there are a few of us that chat regularly who'll welcome you with open arms.

You can keep this thread open as your own to talk about your particular issues; you'll have support and encouragement from loving and caring people, who want nothing more than to see you thru this difficult time.

As usual, Mary's given some great advice; she's a very sensitive and caring lady. I'll also put the word out in the Rainbow Café; we understand from an experiential perspective ok?

You seem a very intelligent and grounded young man who's mighty courageous to air your concerns here on the BB forum. So well done!

You've bought up 3 issues that I can separate if that's ok. Trying to approach them together makes problems seem bigger than they are, so maybe dealing with one at a time could be more productive.

The main subject seems to be 'coming out'. Please correct me if I'm wrong ok?

I began this reply yesterday and had visitors all day. I'm sorry it's been longer than expected, but I'm here now and wanting to hook up for chats. I'd like to know more about you.

I won't ask questions yet until you feel more confident with posting and getting to know how to navigate the site and become comfortable with members.

There's also lots of info in the links below.

Again, I apologise for responding this late.

Warm thoughts...

Sara (Hugz)

[Raynor]

Hey Specs, welcome to BB.

I wanted to echo Sara's invitation to the Rainbow thread but of course you can keep posting here too. I identify as trans-masc - i.e. masc of centre but not male (I'm AFAB). I can definitely relate to your first post about the challenges in social acceptance of your gender.

I look forward to getting to know you better here.

Rayne

[Lonelydan]

Hi Specs, Welcome there used to be a gay,lesbian,bi,trans section but it disappeared so us that are, miss a lot of posts. I'm 44yr old gay man and also a parent. The term gender queer is something new to me when I was your age kids that everybody knew were that way were either given the name of tomboy butch she just like her father or for the boys his very effeminate likes dolls, tell his going to be a poofter. I'm so glad a bit has changed now and were seeing more about transgender. I'm sorry you're in a non supportive environment parents who are not understanding when it comes to things like homosexuality. Unlike my day, you have the internet and can find teenagers like yourself, having been a homeless kid living on the streets in the the city I got to know a lot of trans men/woman most are happy living life now and love being who they longed to be. Dan...

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Hello Sara, nice to meet you

I apologies for my belated reply, my school tasks had gotten a hectic.

The Rainbow Cafe? Hmm, that does indeed seem like a pleasant place (appealing name too), I'll definitely take a look once free time presents itself. Thank you for the invitation! I really appreciate all the support in this lovely community.

The act of 'coming out' is somewhat of an awkward situation at times around unfamiliar faces, especially if the newcomer start off using unfitting pronouns. The more pressing matter for me is how I am seen afterwards, even if my friends are aware of my preferred pronouns and masculine presentation, I feel as though they still see me as something that I am not but keep up the image of acceptance. For example, 'I don't hang out with guy friends much... oh, except you'. My gender seems to be a bit of an afterthought rather than simple recognition. There is an overwhelming sense lacking true acceptance, however I am very thankful that my friends try though.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to future chats and posts.

Thank you for your time and friendliness,

Specs

[TourmalineSpectacles]

Hello Rayne, how are you?

Thank you for your invitation, I'll take a look at Rainbow soon.

I was just wondering, how is your experience as someone of masc identity? Have you also had difficulties in school environments?

Hope to there are opportunities to talk to you in the future,

Specs