Slept with a girl, she doesn't want to see me again

[Mousey22]

Hi guys, just going to jump in with this so here goes. I'm 22 by the way. and please excuse.typos, I am on my phone.

I slept with a girl I met online this past weekend, she is from different city so I got a train to see her. I thought no biggie, I'll just do it and leave the next morning. but it didn't turn out.like I.thought it would. She was so nice and welcoming, We actually talked about a.lot of personal things and held each other so closely, I remember lying next to her with my arm over her body and my hand on top of hers, and it felt so good to feel this again, as my last serious relationship was 6 years ago. She told me she sleeps around a lot and she wanted to keep seeing my regularly, but when morning came she was distant and her personality changed, like she didn't want me there anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I got home and had such weird feelings for her. I text her earlier tonight and told her that it felt great being with her she just said good to see you too, so I get the hint. It's my own stupid fault really because when people show me any kind of affection I get hung up on them emotionally, which I think is insecure.

I just feel terrible at the moment, like real bad in my chest and mind. After trying dating and websites trying to meet someone, after having no one for 6 years someone sleeps with me and I can't help getting feelings for them, like as soon as I wake up, for the past four days I have checked my phone to see that little light to see if she text me.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I work full time and currently studying a certificate as well, I work out every day and I try to be.nice and considerate of people, I dress well even to go to the shops. but I feel like there is something hanging over me, like there will always be something wrong with me and no one will love me and stay with me. my last girlfriend cheated with my best mate but it doesn't stop me trusting people, I think I just need to be wanted by someone.

I'm glad I was on my own at work tonight, because I couldn't stop having tears. I don't know why I get so attached. and I can't talk to family because they will make fun of my sadness or use it against me later on.

The only thing helping me right now is listening to Reach by The Butterfly Effect, the lyrics just make me feel.something right now. I just feel soterrible stupI'd and lonely. sorry for posting such a pathetic story.

[Jacko777]

Hello Mousey22, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

Mate this is not a pathetic story at all. you have valid feelings that need to be addressed, you are aware of your emotions and you want to check your self, that's great.

It's fairly understandable that you would be emotional all things considered. If a relationship is not to be, don't lose the good feelings of what did happen, make them good memories. If it is clear that she is not interested in a longer term relationship, you can move on. Who knows why she was a different person in the morning, who knows where the reality lies.

I think you could really benefit from some time with a counsellor. These feelings you are having about love, needing to be wanted, very normal concerns and like me I think you would have some great realisations talking to a professional, dig a bit deeper and see where these feelings might be coming from. Your GF cheating with your best mate, not good mate, it would help you to talk to someone so you can be sure this event is not a part of your thinking.

Meanwhile, make sure you are getting time each day where you stay focused on something positive, don't let this event define you, put some focus back on the other positive aspects of your life. Talk any time.

Jack

[Mousey22]

Finally back on my PC.

Thanks for the kind words Jacko, I appreciate it. I had a think about it and I don't want to be bitter about her or what we did at all. I mean I was not going to go because she was so far away and I had work the next afternoon, but she kept asking and asking and said it will be worth it, so I gave in and caught the very last train out of town. I think what sort of hooked me was when she was saying she wanted to come visit me and go away together for a weekend, she told me her work hours and when she has time off and all of that, I thought, 'wow I might have someone here'. But the next morning I felt she just wanted me gone and it was kind of sobering, like the night before didn't mean anything for her.

I don't know if I've got the guts to talk about this face to face. I had a teary at work and thankfully no one was around to see it because I couldn't help feeling the way that I did. I don't know what it is. I don't want to use anyone just so I'm not alone, because that's not the way I think. I think I have a lot of affection to give and no one to give it to, so I crave what I want to give to someone.

I don't know if that will make sense but it does in my own head. I just don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. I'm going to be on my own, because my friend is going away for the weekend when we were meant to work out, so I'm going to be on my own and no one to talk with. This is why I can't enjoy my weekends anymore, I just hate being on my own with my own feelings. No one to hold or to talk to. Sounds childish but I have to say that it hurts pretty bad, you know?

Just wish I could hug someone like we hugged the other night. I can't say what it did but it helped make me feel better inside of my self.

[geoff]

hi Mousey, the point take has taken my attention is that she said 'she sleeps around a lot' which isn't what someone like you who wants attachment and love wouldn't like to hear, however meeting her online may mean that she wants to see how many guys she can sleep with by saying 'it will be worth it'.
I certainly wouldn't be ashamed talking about it, but trying to start a r/ship online is always unpredictable, and doesn't really show how much you want to fall in love with someone.
I just wonder whether you may have anxiety problems. Geoff.

[Mousey22]

Hi Geoff. Yeah I think you are right about the online thing. I think I'm just trying what I can at this point to find someone but I think I'm looking in the wrong places. This morning I deleted her messages and number, which helped a bit.

I'm not sure if I have anxiety but I have a habit of anticipating what I want to happen too much, and probably get disappointed too much. Having said that, I'm glad because I learned a bit about myself, I shouldn't sleep with people like its nothing because I can't control getting feelings for them afterwards. Not very masculine is it? haha.

[I_hate_how_I_feel]

Hi there, I'm new to the forum and its my bad break up from a bad relationship that brought me here - so your post caught my attention. I hope you are feeling better by now. I want to say it is very brave of you to delete her contacts as I really struggle to do the same. Also I don't think that's how masculinity is defined - cold hearted and sleep around only for the sexual pleasure. Your feeling Tells me you have love and you want love too - and that is no shame at all. It is wonderful to have someone next to you to hold to sleep, I haven't done it much with my ex and I missed it like crazy now. It is normal to crave for closeness and connection like that especially after being alone for a long time. Don't let the stereotype on men affect you, it's not right. Talk anytime.