How to deal with people close to you who support you yet put you down at the same time?

[baet123]

Hey guys,

I am 24 years old I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I take medication and see a psychiatrist.

Does any one from their experience have advice for someone like me who is or has been consitently every day on multiple occasions be put down and made to feel like excuse my french "shit" or "worthless"?

I am working part time and a full time uni student. My father treats me like shit and puts me down regarding my weight. Whenever he barks at me and lectures me about how my weight is holding me back it makes me feel like shit and like I am a failure. I am sort of financially dependent on him as rent and general living costs is so expensive so I cannot afford to move out of home?

I am not suicidal or anything of this nature but I feel like the only thing he talks to me about is my weight and I feel like crap all the time because of it.

All and any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks guys.

[white knight]

Hi Beat, welcome

I would point out to your father that he would not like it if you rubbished him, like his fatherhood?

It might however take more than that for it to sink in so when he says it again calmly say "do you like hurting me" and "why do you enjoy humiliating your son/daughter?" (Sorry dont know if you are male or female)

Notice how both of those options are questions? This means it places the problem back on him.

Tony WK

[LemonJnr]

Hi,

I would suggest you point out to your father that you are more than what you physically are. There is a lot of positive points about you so don't let yourself feel so down from what i can see in your post. In my opinion, i think you working and studying at the same time is already an achievement itself. Try to tell your father that you are already doing the best you can and that if he truly supports you, then he shouldn't be trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Be clear about how he is making you feel, that's mostly what i can suggest (from my own personal experiences).

Uni student

[Zeal]

Hey baet,

I'm also 24, have anxiety, take medication, study full-time at uni and live at home. So we have a few things in common!

Being constantly criticised by your Dad about your physical appearance is rough. Criticising is futile, as it hurts feelings and leads to emotional insecurity. Your father may think that constantly mentioning your weight is somehow going to lead to you making changes or taking his 'advice', but this is an unfair way to do so. Not only that, but you are an adult and you have the right to be whatever size and shape you want to be, and that suits you. If your health is negatively affected because of your weight, you could see your doctor (GP). But this is not for your Dad to decide, and is about you and what you want and need.

Do you have other family members living at home with you? If so, have they noticed the way your Dad treats you? It's important to talk to your Dad when you're both not too busy and in a fairly calm mood. You could say that his opinion matters to you, but that constantly criticising your weight is upsetting you. Perhaps say that you would love to be accepted as you are. If his behaviour does not change at all after having a constructive conversation, then perhaps you and another family member could talk to him together.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Baet, I can relate to what you're saying in many ways. In the past when family member's have commented on my appearance I have explained that I am so much more than that and I am doing the best I can. I have no doubt it'd be extremely difficult living with someone who was making you feel this way. My suggestion would be to write down every thought you are feeling about how your father treats you, and then ask him to sit down and listen to you. Perhaps you could kindly ask him to not say anything until you've finished. You could say something like "Whilst I understand that you believe you have my best interests at heart, you constantly making comments about my weight makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I'm really doing the best I can and trying to manage work and university at the same time. I'd really like for us get along better, and it'd be great if you could consider how I feel before you make comments about my weight. Please from now on consider my feelings." Ultimately your body is your body and no one except for you should have a say in anything to do with it - never forget that.