Hello. I understand where you're coming from. Every so often you revisit 'in your mind' where you've come from to where you are now. That's part and parcel of the healing process. It's going to take a lot of time and patience to get past the nightmares. I think once you can get to the point where you can place it in a 'box' in your mind. You'll get past the negative, destruction. You probably wake up sweating, breathless feeling as though you're running 'in slow motion' from your dad. I used to wake up dreaming I was running from my brother who was chasing me with a knife (he did that once). Believe me, you will get through this. When these negative thoughts visit (and they do), you need to do something that makes you happy. A good movie, going for a walk. Your father has passed, unfortunately there was no closure, no apology from him. I know how hard it is, but each time these unwelcome memories return, think about what you have achieved. You have been saved from all that, you have been given a 2nd chance, a lot of victims never have that. You can be proud of all you have done. It doesn't matter what your dad used to say or do, none of that is not true. What is true is what you've become. A good person. From something bad comes something really good. My parents were Narcissistic, they're both dead, so is what they did to me. Your dad can't hurt you anymore. Your bad memories are just that, bad memories. In time they will fade.
Onward and upward.
Good luck, my friend.
