Sibling Failing Uni

[AnxiousS]

Hi everyone,

I'm at uni and have a sister at uni as well. I'm not doing amazingly at uni but at least have passed all my subjects, but my sister is a different story. I always thought it was odd that she didn't seem to spend nearly as much time as I did at uni, but she always said she was doing fine and I believed her. I found out recently that she has been lying to the whole family and has actually failed a lot of her units. I'm assuming it's because she really doesn't like uni and doesn't want to be there (because she's smart and would definitely pass if she tried and I get the vibe from her that she doesn't enjoy it).I completely understand why she has lied as I would be terrified of telling my parents that I wasn't sure uni was for me or even that I had failed a unit as they're very big on academics (there was never a question of whether all my siblings would go to uni it was just assumed). I want to help her because it's killing me to know that she's just sort of throwing her life away at this point because obviously I want the best for her. I want her to understand that uni isn't the only option and she should maybe take some time to find out what she's really passionate about because at this rate she's not going to graduate and get a job (and obviously my parents are going to find out what's going on at that point).

I'm completely lost on what to do - She doesn't know I know she failed and I don't want her to think I'm being patronising and telling her what to do but this is getting out of control. I'm also terrified that I'll say something and she won't do anything about it because it's causing me such severe anxiety that I can barely sleep and I don't know what I can even do to help

Any advice would be much appreciated 🙂

[geoff]

Hello AnxiousS, a warm welcome to you.

It sounds like you're a lovely sister caring so much for her because it's come to a point where she is only jumping up and down in the same spot and not getting anywhere.

I feel sorry for your sister because that's exactly what happened to me, I didn't want to go to college and spend 3 years doing a course that meant nothing, sure I would have a certificate, but I wanted to go out and work, and afraid to tell my parents as they too, were career minded.

Can I ask you a couple of questions and I'm sorry for doing so, however, does your sister live with her parents

-perhaps she wanted to take a year off because she maybe suffering from depression and /or anxiety

- are you able to sit down with her and talk about how she is feeling, at the moment this is more important

-maybe ask her to go with you to the doctors

Her situation is a concerning one because it's unsure whether she is failing because she doesn't want to be there or whether she is struggling mentally, and I say this with great sympathy.

She has to look after herself, that must come first and if she feels strong enough discuss her reasons for making this decision with her parents and tell them a plan for what she wants to do instead.

If any financial support has been provided by her parents then orgaine a plan to pay them back.

If you could get back to us so you can tell us a little more that would be great.

Geoff.