Hi, I've been told my entire life I'm worthless, and now I feel like it...

[Cam.ryn]

My entire life my mum has been telling me I'm not good enough.

It's not always those exact words, but there is definitely a reoccurring theme of my uselessness as a daughter and person in general.

And for a long time I was able to brush it off, but recently a lot of other people, my grandma and a few friends have told me similar things, and I don't want to believe it. I guess the logical part of my brain doesn't believe it, I get straight A's, I'm learning 3 instruments and 4 different languages; But I still can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me.

No matter what I do, or how hard I try, there's always something. Something I didn't do, or something I should have done better. I think it has really started to effect me; I have panic attacks when I have to complete assignments and schoolwork, because I never feel like it's good enough, and I really don't like going out with my friends anymore, because I'm so scared I'll do or say the wrong thing.

It might not be the most mature response but I have basically decided to avoid my mother as much as I can (she works night shift so its not too difficult). The problem is now, whenever we have to talk, she ends up yelling at me, and because we are both very similar, I generally end up snapping at my older brother, and she fights with my dad. So it has really become this whole family brawl, I guess.

My dad keeps telling me I have to build bridges and fix it with her, but she won't talk or listen to me, and she doesn't really care when I put the effort in and clean the house, and cook dinner, etc.

So I guess I'm hoping for some help trying to fix a relationship, where one person doesn't really want to listen or fix it. And also how to get my lazy, irrational, overthinking self out of my house (which I haven't left in 2 weeks except to walk my dogs) and to see my friends, and complete some work without my hyper-ventilating, on the floor freak-outs.

Thanks all you fellow humans out there in the abyss of the interweb 🙂

[Birdy77]

Hello Cam.ryn,

I was dismayed to read of the way your mother speaks to you, and it is no wonder you try to avoid her. I would too if I were you.

It sounds like your sense of self-worth has been constantly hammered away, and I am so sorry this has happened.

You are clearly a bright and talented person, and I am glad that your logical side can recognise that what your mother says is not true. But when we are around toxicity like that for long enough, it can really mess with our heads.

Cam.ryn, if you have "friends" who are telling you that you are worthless, it's time to find new friends. They are not friends. That is cruel behaviour and you do not deserve that rubbish.

Your Dad telling you to fix the relationship isn't very feasible if your mother is not interested, relationships are a two way thing.

I think it's time to focus on you, on rebuilding your sense of self- worth and esteem. Do you have a counsellor at your school or uni that you could make an appointment with? You could take the post you wrote above if you wanted to, to let them know what's happening. I think that would be a really good place to start.

It's not ok to be treated so badly and from those closest to you as well ... If you are having panic attacks it is certainly time to get some proper support.

What do you think?

🌻birdy

[CJames]

Hi Cam,

I was just browsing through while in bed, soo tired, but I'd like to say right now:

YOU'RE AS BEAUTIFUL, SWEET, KIND, GOOD LOOKING, TALENTED AS THE NEXT PERSON.

Keep up the good work at school mate, hope you can solve what's going on.

Always remember, there's no going back, only moving forward.

Keep pushing 🙂

Much Love,

Connor ❤️

[SomeWeirdBoi]

I’ve never known someone with as much talent as you. Please don’t let your mother and family issues ruin your bright future

My advice for you is to go stay with other family for a bit such as grandparents, aunties and uncles or even a close friend.

I’ve done this before for a couple of days to let stuff cool down between my and my step dad so we didn’t ruin our relationship forever.

Please don’t let your amazing mind get torn apart

[quirkywords]

Cam.ryn

Welcome to the forum. You have had some wonderfully supportive and helpful posts , and you see that this is a caring, friendly and nonjudgmental community.

I was sad to read your the title of your thread, and feel upset that the person who is supposed to be proud of you and the person who is meant to bring out the best in you, is the one making you feel bad.

You have so much to cope with. I am so impressed that you play 3 instruments and know 4 languages. What languages do you speak apart from English.? Do you think you try harder to make others feel proud of you.

You do not have to impress anyone. You sound so smart and kind.

It is sad that your grandma would say such a thing.

I agree with birdy about building up your self esteem.

Does your mum say that your brother is not good enough or just you?

What strategies do you have for coping when you do interact with your mum? What have tried that didn't work, what does work ?

Thanks so much for your story.

Feel free to post as much as you like. I am interested in what you think of the suggestions people have made.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

Cam,

How are you going? It has been a few days since your last post. I can elements of myself in you. Also my daughter in high school has similar expectations of herself. I have a few ideas to throw at you, if you are interested. Please let me know.

Tim