She completely cut me out.

[AnonHello]

Before I start off, I just wanna say that I'm new here, I don't know if I am in the right thread and my spelling and grammar is not great. I don't mean to offend anyone with anything I say.

Last year I had a friend who is in possibly the deepest pits of depression to the state of multiple

suicide attempts and self harm. She didn't speak much about anything relating to her illness although I did know a few reasons that made it worse but none the less her illness is descried as clinical. Anyway, she has some days when she is really bad and she always refuses any help so I accept that.

Towards the end of end of last year she all the sudden stopped talking to me on social media and in classes ect. I thought maybe she was just going through a bad time so I waited it out, made sure I was available if she needed to talk. At on the last few days of the years she was all nicey nicey taking to me, almost like it was old times. 

Then i come back to school now and she has deleted me on every social media website and doesn't want to know me at all. Then i see on another social website that she was '

cutting people out of her life to change her lifestyle.' I don't understand, I have never done anything to hurt her in my eyes. I was always nice, I never pushed her. We had been reasonably close friends for for a year and she just totally ditched me like I was nothing.

I 

feel so heart broken and I keep blaming myself. I knew I would never be her best friend but I thought I was worth more than that. And now I can't even go near that group because it is awkward. None of them bar one half knows what happened between us. Although I don't even understand. 

I am going to leave it here because the text on my screen has suddenly gone all small? Anyways I would also like to point out that I too have had my own issues surrounding depression but mainly more situational type stuff and social anxiety. I just want to know why, did i do anything wrong? 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Zeal]

Hi Anonhello,

Welcome to the forum! I believe you are in the right place. Also, nothing you said is offensive. 🙂

Your friend’s severe depression and suicidal tendencies would make it really hard for her to maintain relationships. From what you’ve said, you definitely haven’t done anything wrong. Your friend’s severe clinical depression would disturb her judgement and ability to connect with others. Pushing people away is unfortunately a common thing for very depressed people to do. It was nothing you did – the problem lies with your friend. Hopefully when she eventually overcomes her depression, or gets better, you’ll be able to reconnect as good friends. You are obviously a compassionate person, and based on what you have said, you have been very respectful of your friend.

Your friend’s actions and behaviour have nothing to do with you, and are not your fault. She cut out many people on social media. I can tell you’ve been a great friend; very patient, caring, and non-judgemental. My advice to you is to keep doing what you have been; being there for your friend if she wants to talk, but also giving her space. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your friend is having a mental health crisis, and her actions reflect her clinical depression.

Best wishes,

SM

[moonbear]

Dont blame yourself at all, you've done nothing wrong, Blaming yourself will only make you feel more drained.
I know it may hurt a bit that she's just cut you off but try as best you can to keep on keeping on with what youve been doing!

If she's quite depressed she may simply not have the energy to sustain friendships like she used to and the easiest way out it just to cut people off rather than explain to each individual person whats wrong. For her to simply withdraw into a bubble of her own where she feels more at ease might be just what shes doing and its simply a coping method for depression.

For some people it can be extremely draining to have to socialise with multiple people especially at school where you're forced to socialise on a daily basis. 

If shes no longer in your life, just keep on keeping on. Dont become bitter about it, focus on yourself and your own happiness and be there for her if she ever comes seeking help or a friend. 

Hope that helps you out a bit!
*thumbs up*

[Deekofox]

Hey AnonHello.

All I've got to say is that I know this exact scenario. In fact this scenario was one of the main contributors to my depression. She, cut me off. And I didn't know why, or what I had done to deserve. I was in love with her additionally, and it hurt so badly. It broke my heart and drove me nearly insane.

And the same thing happened with me about her becoming nice.

After I came back to school after attempting suicide, she acted all nice and friendly, and said she was looking forward to talking again, and restarting the friendship. And then she continued to cut me off, and do the silent treatment to me.

And so basically all I can say is, let it go. Don't blame the person. It doesn't work. Though you may feel good momentarily, it'll just rebound on you. Stop thinking about them. Stop seeing them, if possible. And just try to forget the heart break. I know how hard it is. Heck I'm still not fully over it and this happened a year ago.

But it's the little steps that help.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.