Separation Anxiety within a relationship

[peachy101]

Firstly I'll give an insight into my relationship to help base your advice around. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We are very close and have helped each other go through good and bad times. We do argue over silly things however most of the time we are completely happy in every aspect and we love to be in each other's company. However for the last 6 months, I become depressed or anxious whenever I am not with him. I'm currently in Year 12 (VCE) and I love having someone to be completely free with but on Sunday nights when we part (for work and school), I start to become overwhelmed by the thought of not being able to see him until the weekend (or sometimes I see him Wednesday nights). He is usually at work, gym, soccer etc and he doesn't seem to have the separation anxiety that I suffer from. He does miss me and he values the time we spend together however I seem to become very anxious whenever I'm not with him. I don't know how to deal with things if he's not with me. If I'm home alone (because mums at work) I can't do homework, I can't practise dancing... I go into shutdown and just lay in bed on my phone waiting until I can call him or text him etc. It's so unhealthy especially when I have so much on and I feel that my anxiety is getting in the way of me achieving my goals in school and dancing etc.

I just want an explanation or ways that I could deal with this. I have so many things that 'should' keep me occupied but I get too upset and overwhelmed by not having him with me that I can't physically or mentally do any of the important things such as chores, dancing, homework, working out etc.

Any suggestions or thoughts please??

[Doolhof]

Hi Peachy,

It is wonderful you have such a special relationship with your boyfriend. It is also important and healthy to find ways of being able to do things for yourself and by yourself.

Sometimes in relationships we become so dependant on the other person that we can feel like we are nothing without them. It sounds a little like you are feeling this way. I don't really know how you solve this, I would like to suggest you call the phone help line here at beyondblue on 1300 22 4636, the people answering the phone will be able to help you.

You can help yourself through this inaction. Before you even get home, think about one thing you really need to achieve. Try to push yourself so you manage to at least start something. Reward yourself when you have done so in a healthy way. Even keep on encouraging yourself will help.

Is there a counsellor at your school you could speak to or other students you could study with? Have you talked to your Mum, she might have some words of wisdom for you as well.

Hopefully you will find the motivation, dedication and enthusiasm you need to keep doing the things you need to do in order to get through this year at school.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D. or Dools

[geoff]

hi Peachy, young love it's so beautiful and reminds me of the days when I was much in love I also couldn't wait until the end of the day before I saw my g/friend, who turned out to be my wife.
Mrs. Dools has offered you some good advice and also carry a bracelet with a photo of him in it, and definitely have photos of him where ever you want to, you maybe doing this already, so increase the number of photos, have him in your purse, get a full-size photo blown up and stick it on your wall.
It's an anxiety issue and when you're with him ask to go down to shop by himself, you know he will come back, and try to cope with these short periods of being away from each other, half an hour, an hour, but if you go with him, as much as I'm sure you do, then you won't be able to build any strength for separation anxiety.
It's a small exercise to practice, I know it's terrible but the two of you can't be together all the time, but what you can do is practice your dancing so when you see him you'll be so proud of yourself, just as he will be. Geoff.

[peachy101]

Thanks Mrs. D, I think the idea of a study group would be great and keep me motivated. I could also look into talking to the school counsellor.

Thanks again!! 🙂

[peachy101]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for such the great advice, I think it will really make a difference being able to make small independent changes (such as trips to the shops).

Thanks again 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Peachy,

Hope you are able to put some strategies into place to help you cope with the separation anxiety.

I believe that in all relationships it is important to have the quality time together and to also have your own interests and passions. That way you have the best of both worlds! The times together are precious and the moments apart can be fulfilling as well.

Hope you manage to find a study group and some support at school as well.

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.