I feel like i have had a realisation of how many things i am sick of living with. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the end of 2012 (having just graduated high school), and since then i have had a seizure every 6 months or so, so as a result i have not been able to get my license to drive, meaning i have to rely on other people to drive me around, or catch public transport, or get ubers. My seizures have also severely affected my memory, both long and short term (i forget memories from years ago, and its hard to retain information and i will quickly forget things, which makes it hard to learn new things), after talking to my neurologist about it, he said that we just have to stop the seizures and it shouldnt get worse. It also makes my hands quite shaky.
The fact that it is so hard to get to many places by buses/trains means usually i have to pay for an uber, or pitch in petrol money for friends (which is way more than it should be, they have become less sympathetic over the years), and now that i have no income it makes these things so much harder.
Every job ive ever had has been through my mum, so the fact that i cant even get a job by myself makes me feel pretty down.
My dream career is vet nursing, i did a course for it and (after eventually getting a job) loved it, i love animals and it was so rewarding. But my memory was greatly impacting my work and i had to quit before i forgot anything that could be crucial for a patient's survival. (I also am terribly allergic to animals which is another way my body lets me down)
Im terrible at making friends and keeping them, the only "friends" i still have are from highschool (i thought i had made a few friends during my tafe course, but they disappeared pretty quick after the course ended). And even my current friends are catching up behind my back, noone ever wants to catch up with just me, im only there when the whole group is there). Makes me question whether im even worth hanging out with tbh.
I used to be able to get by when i had a job, but my hours just got reduced to 0 and i have no driving force in life anymore.
The things i used to love doing dont make me happy anymore (i loved sketching, but with my shaky hands im much worse at it, i love video games but i feel like its wasting time, i love learning but its almost impossible anymore). I just want to be independent for once in my life and not have to rely on everyone around me for everything. I feel useless and cant see my life going anywhere..
