self hate

[finchh]

ive been through a lot in my life, stuff way to depressing and messed up to explain on this forum. anyway its led me to have a lot of issues with self esteem and self hate, to an extreme point were I have great difficulty loving myself for who I am and not consistently trying to change myself. I was wondering if anyone else experiences such extreme self hate in relation to their mental illnesses and how they have learnt to cope with it and counteract it. xx

[MsPurple]

Hi finchh and welcome to the forums.

How have you been dealing with your feelings and thoughts till now? Have you talked to your GP or seen a counselor? If not I suggest going to see your GP and getting a mental health plan. This allows you to see a psychologist for 6-10 session. I found it very beneficial. I also struggle with poor self love. I struggled for years with self hatred and poor self esteem. I went to a therapist (through headspace) and they helped me sort out my issues. They helped give me perspective and insite into myself and my depression and GAD. I found it very beneficial. IT took me a while to open up to a counselor and to start recovering.

Yes I still have some bad days, but they are way better then it used to be. I also try make sure if I am having a bad day to do self care. I also try meditation. There is some on self love and acceptance. I use the app called Calm but I only go on the free section. I also try and exercise around 30 minutes a day and eat well.

Working on self love takes time, but it gets easier over time. We are always a work in progress.

MP

[blondguy]

Hello Finchh

You dont have to love yourself....I understand what you are going through as I feel the same sometimes too.

Just my humble opinion on the 'h**e' word...It takes so much mental energy to say it let alone type it.

I am not a huge fan of myself either with my anxiety and depression but that doesn't make you less of legend by posting the way you have. I think you are amazing for having the guts to post here and saying what you feel

Its taken me years to even start to 'like myself' now and again after years of chronic anxiety followed by depression....Its a crappy place to be in but I will never 'hate' it.

I didnt mean to stick my beak into the young people's thread header Finch...I am only trying to let you know that you are not on your own here and understand where you are going through

Just for your info Finch....you will never be judged on the forums as we go to great lengths to make this a 'Safe Place' where you can post

There are also many gentle people...young and older...that can be here for you..no worries at all 🙂

These feelings are no different to a physical problem...just because we cant 'see' a broken bone doesnt mean we dont have one....

I understand its a huge ask Finch....Please be gentle to yourself...there are hundreds of thousands of us that have low self worth as you do.

I hope you can post back either with questions or just for chat 🙂

my best for you

Paul

[P__W_]

Hey finchh.

yeah I'm currently working on this with my psychologist, and i can already feel it's talons loosening.

Mine stems from invalidating myself which is a result of my illness' or maybe even the reason for it.

Anyway I've stopped comparing myself to others and what they've accomplished and start appreciating the things that I've accomplished.

Even if they aren't on the same scale of worldly doings, if I judge on simply the amount of effort put in, they're just as impressive if not more.

Mindfulness is such an amazing tool to have in your belt. So I reckonmend getting on to it!

'The happiness trap' by Dr. Russ Harris is an amazing book to read, really everyone should be acquainted with it! It completely changed my way of thinking!

P.W.

ps: That MsPurple know's what she talkin' bout!

[demonblaster]

Finch Hi 🙂

Yeah been there when I was a teen to the lowest of low self esteem, self hate, and a great part of that was to do with peoples jokes, comments sometimes not meant to hurt but does, sensitivity, mental illness (MI) I have Bipolar (BP) & that included friends pffftttt
I'm older now & just starting to like myself. Not to say it'll necessarily take yrs, it depends on the person, coping methods etc. When people use to say that it was just words, didn't have any meaning but I know now that it's vital for our mental survival and strength.

I don't know for everyone with MI but seems sensitivity which doesn't mean people aren't being crappy it's that we don't have a shield to stop it hurting so by liking ourselves we become confident which is a shield.
I'm learning how to is look inside yourself and think about what your good points are, majority of people DO have them. I think work on that first and another way is pinpointing what we don't like too and being the person we want to be.

Do you have friends & do you usually get on ok with people. No judgement, just trying to get a picture of your situation to hopefully be able to help.

I know you said in OP (original post) so much messed up stuff and had hard times, I'm not pushing but if you want to release, here's a good safe place to do so. Well moderated and there's a lot of compassion and understanding here but that's your choice. Even in bits if you wanted. Apart from unravelling turmoil someone may have done or known someone in similar situation who can shed light on coping methods.

Our emotions are very powerful, what we think is how we respond to them & feel. I'm in process of working through getting control of them which is the key to mental peace I'm thinking.
One thing I'm working on is trying to think more laterally (thought I had an open mind) not necessarily what I'm thinking is the way it is or should be.

Depression pulls us down in every possible way. I heard here a couple of times that made untold sense.... we don't have to believe it. (as in what depression tells us, that we're useless and not worthy etc).

Hope this helps & that you feel comfy to keep talking here 🙂 Good on you, you're showing survival which is strength, we all have it, just gets buried with the Black dog.

P.W. ... good post great to hear you're on the improve, well done, takes work but worth it aye, don't think we can appreciate good fully without experiencing bad.

[Yes!2Life]

Yes, Finchh..

I am going through something similar.

Mine is an issue of weakness in good decision making and self doubting those decisions years and years later (today) .. I sometimes wish, I hadn't (listened to myself and others) and times I say, "It's ok, it was for the best" but .. I am struggling with those life events today. They came boiling up, out of nowhere ..

But, I am trying to not hurt myself too much .(Well, 2 years of deep darkness is punishment enough) and continuing ... the head conversations just don't stop. In the meantime, I am trying to love myself and remind myself, I am good person and I deserve to be treated better, at least by myself. It's a good point to start. I confess, I am not at all there.. but I feel ya and know, that many are going through all this and we aren't alone in this somewhat puzzling self inflicted juggernaut.

Stay strong, easy said then done, but we are here to help.

GOD bless. Amen.

Yes!2Life