Screaming on the inside

[Dani2696]

Hi,

this js my first post I just really want to vent. Everyone thinks I’m happy and in love but inside I am so angry, hurt and resentful all the time! I have been with my bf for almost 3 years now and there was a time where he go so drunk and sent messages to another woman. He told me those messages were for me and I forgave him and stayed with him even though I don’t fully believe him. Since then I have major trust issues with both cheating and alcohol. He doesn’t seem to see the issue he has with alcohol but he can’t control his drinking and I am pertrified that he will hurt me again. I Feel he is still cheating on me because I have found messages and phone calls. I know I should leave him but I stay because I am still so in love with him and he is great at acting like we are a great strong couple so in love. At times I just want to shout for everyone to hear me. Obviously I can’t do that so I speak to myself almost all the time. I scream and tell myself things that I know I shouldn’t say to myself but the pain inside of me is too strong and overpowers the logical part of me. I sometimes think about floating away and have created an image of myself in my head which I take out my frustrations on by imagining it. I feel so alone and I want to shake him for hurting me this way. I was so happy before he came into my life. Now I am just full of anger and resentment especially because he lives his life showing everyone how great he is and how happy he is. We have a big age gap and I don’t know if it has anything to do with the resentment I feel. Sometimes I think it does because I am angry that he could experience so many things in life that I won’t ever get to do. I cry a lot and get headaches. I wish I could just forget about things but I see and remember things so clearly. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

[smallwolf]

Hi Dani2696,

Welcome to beyond blue.

It is understandable you would be hurting, frustrated and angry at your boyfriends actions. A problem with alcohol is one thing, and cheating is definitely a betrayal of your trust? He is not the first person who would not think about the effects of alcohol, or cannot see any issue. However you also said that he hurt you. Was that because of his actions with other people and therefore an effect it had on you, or something else?

You also mentioned crying a lot, having headaches, being angry. And before you were with this person you said you were much happier. And on the flip side you are still in love with him. Does he know you found the messages?

I won't tell you that you should do "this" as that would just be me projecting my own values onto you. I hope you don't mind this if I as some questions some questions for you to reflect on and come to your own decision...

1. Can you elaborate on what it is about him that you makes you love him so much?
2. If you feel this relationship is bad for you, what is stopping you from leaving?
3. Is there anyone that you can speak to about this situation? Family? Friends?
4. Have you been able to (recently) talk to or confront your boyfriend about his actions and perhaps describe the impact it has on you.
5. Can you forgive your boyfriend for his actions?

A couple of other quick points. You are definitely not alone - both in terms of your relationship and the effect it is having on you. If you were to do a google search for "cheating boyfriend beyond blue" you will find similar stories to yours and the responses. This is also a caring and supportive community.

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

[Croix]

Dear Dani2696~

I'm glad Tim was here to ask those questions, he has raised some good points.

I get the feeling one of the reasons you fell bad and maybe a bit helpless is that your BF has the knack of presenting a pretty good front to others, something that is very misleading. You end up feeling if you did tell the truth you might not be believed or are making a fuss. A horrible situation to be in.

In any good relationship bother persons want the best for the other -not want to just appear good to others, and care if the other partner is unhappy and want to make them feel better. It does not sound like this is what is happening here.

A person who does not acknowledged the have problem wiht drink, as you might expect, is not really ready to do anything about it, which is a great pity, alcohol is difficult to get under control and normally requires the person to seek professional help or other support, and then try hard.

I'm not sure if I'd accept that messages sent were intended for you, often instinct should be listened to.

So you are unhappy, feel that your BF is probably not trustworthy and presents a false face.

While I can well understand your love, what do you think is the best thing to do? Once you decide that then you can look at how to accomplish it and the difficulties involved.

Croix