School related stress

[Dejena]

Hi, i would like start of by saying, i dont know what im doing. i dont even know where to start because of how overwheamed i feel. how to i express my feelings without complaning? i dont want to compalian. so, its currently 4:33 AM and am trying to do homeowork. You may be wondering why? why at this time? well, i will tell you. its becuase the day is not for me. do u know why? its because during the day the house is loud. if i wear my headphones my ears will hurt and i will get fustrated at the noise. i also need to do chores. i dont know what im even saying. i dont even know why im writing and posting this. this just sounds silly. you know, i went to the doctor becuase my chest was hurting, and they said it was becuase of panic attacks, and that i was shaking, high blood pressure, and heart beating fast. but now im wondering if the doctor was wrong, what if it wasnt because of stress? what if it was becaue of the mask i wore for hours at school, not compaing for wearing a mask by the way. During the day my family will come into my room and intrupt me, while i try and do homework. sometimes i fell bad for taking long oding homework, and i wonder if im actullay learning something. i feel like im not good enough. if i go to the libray my parens will be annoyed at the face they have to pick me up and drop me off. i am doing 3 science subjects. i dont really like phyics or doing particularlly well it in it, so i want to change it do HHD, but then there is something in me, saying what if i will able to do phyics and not fail, and if i drop phyicis that not good enough, im not good enough, i am worthless. at the same time i dont like phyics. IDK. tell me, am i overreacting. You know, after that doctors apointment, i cried in the car, while my dad was in it, because i felt like i was crazy and out of control. alsot the doc said i was skinny, hoever i have allways been ksinny, no matter how much i eat i dont gain weight and i also look younger than i really am. when i have a break from doing homeowrk, i struggleto go back to my desk and get going with it after my break, i stat to procarte and how longer breaks. after i do chores, i dont feel lie doing homework sometiemes. idk if its sbecause maybe i found doing the chores as a btter option than doing homeowkrk. i feel out of control. its currently 4:50 AM. what has my life become? idk?

[Dejena]

Thank u so much, but I don't feel like I should feel this way because some have it worse. I do know though it's ok to feel what I am feeling.

I haven't been going to school for a few days now. I just sit in my bed and go on my phone. I have no life

[Here2Talk]

I've been wondering how you have been going. Sorry to hear it's still very stressful for you. Sounds like your anxiety has become so overwhelming that you have become depressed. Your body and mind have said "it's just too much pressure".

[Dejena]

I went out to the supermarket by myself to have some time alone. To escape from my family a little. I don't know if am overreacting. Idk what to anymore. 

[Here2Talk]

I think if someone is distressed, then it’s almost relevant whether they’re overreacting... I say “almost” because it’s not impossible: some people do really overreact. But from everything you’ve told me it doesn’t sound like you are. To be honest I’m having almost the exact same problem in my life at the moment.

I have been going to the coffee shop in my town to just do some reading and writing because it’s just so full on at home; and I’m definitely struggling with the noise and distraction from my kids and the new puppy we’ve got, and just finding the time when the house isn’t full of commotion is so difficult it’s actually getting kind of depressing.

Yet I’m feeling a little like you have described: “what right do I have to complain?”, I’ve got a stable job, my wife is the same, been getting good grades, two beautiful kids, not living in poverty, and yet it’s all too much sometimes - quite often.

There’s always people better off and worse off than us, but everybody in this world gets distressed, so you’ve gotta treat yourself like something that’s intrinsically valuable and deserving of kindness. Self love is the sorta cringe worthy term that’s thrown around but it’s true what Clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson says: we often treat our animals better than we treat ourselves....

I think it’s a great thing to go to the supermarket for some time to yourself. How was your time there and what did you do?

[Dejena]

Hope you do not feel too depressed. I'm sorry that u feel overwhelmed by the chaos in the house. I did not spend too much time at the supermarket. But it was better than nothing.

I got out of the house at night to walk because I was sick of the chaos inside the house. My mum was complaining. Yelling at me. Mad at my siblings espically one of my brother. My parents don't let me go out, especially at night because I might get kidnapped. Not safe they say. So it was a big deal to them. So, my dad came after me and ended up walking with me.

[Dejena]

In the supermarket, I bought a few things. Right now I am pulling my hair on my head. Idk Why

[Here2Talk]

That’s no good 😞 so it wasn’t really some time to yourself then hey. You sound very stressed right now. Are you pulling the hair out? Or just pulling on it?

[Here2Talk]

Our problems at the moment are similar. At your house it is your parents and siblings being so loud that it’s too chaotic and you can’t think or get anything done. And at mine I am tasked with looking after the kids quite a lot - they are 3 and 6 years old so I basically can’t go for more than 5 minutes at a time until one of them is making the other cry or scream, or they’re getting into things that they shouldn’t... They’re very loud and attention isn’t something I can maintain when there’s noise that requires me to do something. That’s why I can sit in a rowdy cafe and be at peace, but a comparatively less noisy situation at home saps my energy. ..

Is my concept and description of your situation any good, or is there more to it?

[Dejena]

No,I'm actually pulling it out. It's fun. Do u sometimes regret having kids? I honestly never want to get married or have kids because I don't understand why I would do that.

Do u feel like you are about to go out of control when they yell?

[Here2Talk]

I often think back to a time when life was easier without them. But I never regret them as such, nor would want to change having them. They’re the only thing that truly I know means anything in this world....

It depends what you mean by go out of control - it does completely derails my attention... this is partly because little kids especially, want everything their way, so it’s not usually long before one of their goals conflicts with the others... I Think that the derailing of my attention is what is so stressful to me, because I like to achieve things, and they make it difficult... Life seems so full with no room to move atm....

Is pulling out your hair a recent thing since we talked a while ago? Does it hurt?