school is draining my mental health

[cambb02]

Hi there,

i am currently in year 10 at school and for the past four years the same thing has been happening- I don’t know how to change it. I feel like my friends lose interest in me really quickly and then they just leave me behind. This has happened so many times and I don’t know what to do and what I’m doing wrong!! I really like school and it’s what im good at, but the friends aspect just never works out for me and it leaves me with constant anxiety and depression. Recently, I’ve had two close friends in my group. My best friend was a really social and bubbly person and we’ve been close friends for two years now. But I knew that she would eventually leave and get sick of me like everyone else, just like she has now! She moved to another group who I don’t know that well and I was really hurt by that as I don’t think she took my situation into consideration at all, she just thought that we’d keep our bond. She even went as far as to ask that group if I could also sit with them. They said no. This always happens to me, and I feel like it’s the fact that I have trouble accepting myself and I care so much about what other people think, but I just don’t know how to change this.

Thanks xo

[Doolhof]

Hi cambb02,

Welcome tot he community here. Unfortunately your situation is very familiar to many people. If you have a look in the "young People's" section you will see a lot of similar posts. Maybe you could read some of them, connect with others who feel like you and see if you can come up with ideas on how to change things around.

Is it possible for you to catch up with this friend outside of school? Could you go to the movies together or find something else you may be able to do.

Some friendships don't last for ever, it can be very hurtful to see people move on with other people.

Are there other people you can connect with at school?

Is there a counsellor you could talk to who may be able to offer you some suggestions?

Do you play sports at all? Are there ways you can meet and connect with other people?

Will you be attending a different school next year to do year 11? If so, you will meet different people there.

Hope you are able to find some solutions.

Cheers from Dools

[Ell43]

Hey Cambb,

High school can be really tough, I'm sorry to hear you are having an average time with the social aspects of school.

You said in your post that this "thing" has happened so many times and that you don't know what you're doing wrong. That must be so frustrating for you and pretty upsetting =(. I wonder, have you ever tried asking any of your friends if there is anything you do that annoys them or pushes them away? I know that seems like a SUPER scary thing to do, but maybe asking the question and getting an honest answer could help with some of that frustration you've been feeling as a consequence of not know what you're doing wrong?

I like Dools' suggestion about catching up with your bestfriend outside of school and going to the movies or something? She obviously still values your friendship if she was willing to ask the girls she now hangs out with if you were allowed to sit with them (pretty rotten of them to say no by the way, thats not fair). Perhaps when you catch up you could explain to her that you're really struggling with this and you're just super confused. She might be able to offer you some insight into whats going on and from there we can use that information to help make things better for you.

I 100% think Dools' advice about the school counsellor could be really helpful too. Maybe they'd be able to help you work out whats been going on, or digest some of the feedback you get from the friend?

Hang in there Cambb, like I said before, high school can be hard! I'm glad you're at least finding the academic side of things easier! Plus holidays are just around the corner!!

Ell