Scared I'm Becoming Depressed?

[Liaa]

I'm new to this website, so I don't know if I'm saying too little or too much.

I'm only 12 years old, and I'm scared that I'm becoming depressed.

I just started high school and things haven't gone well. I always had a best friend in primary school, but she went to a different school and we barely talk anymore. She was the person I trusted the most (Even though I doubted her a little), and now she's not there I feel alone. I have other friends, but we aren't as close and they have personalities that don't match with mine. There's nothing to look forward to, so I faked being sick and missed 6 weeks of the school year so far. Things could've been different if I had a sibling, but I'm an only child.

I was adopted when little so my parents are 40 years older than me. My dad's temper is getting worse and my mum has bad arthritis in her hip which can make her snap at me a lot. Even if I tell them anything, I feel like they'd get mad or try to tell the school which I don't really want. It's probably the right thing to do but I'd hate if they told the other people in my grade to talk to me just so I don't feel alone. I also hate being the centre of attention.

Since I don't really have anyone to vent to, I try to take my mind off of it by watching videos and browsing the internet. It was going well until I realised I need to catch up on a lot of schoolwork. I really don't want my parents to be upset with me and want to make them proud, but I'm not motivated to do anything. I've always gotten decent grades and I'm really scared I'll get a D this semester.

I've always had anxiety, but it wasn't that significant. Now I get crying fits that are starting to happen more often, especially when I think about my friends. I talk to a few people online who go to a different school but something about them makes me feel like they're going to get me into trouble someday.

This probably sounds all over the place, which is basically how my mind is right now. 2017 is the year that I'm trying to figure out who I am, and all of this isn't helping. I want to be successful in life and live with no regrets but I honestly don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I keep reminding myself that there are people in worse situations than me but it doesn't help.

I know I sound really immature, but I've never dealt with anything like this before. What I'm trying to ask is, how do I motivate myself to study? I feel like if I get good grades it would boost my self esteem.

[HamSolo01]

Hey there

Starting high school is always a nervous time. It's natural that you'd be feeling this way. You said you have other friends but that they don't match your personality? Why is that do you think? Is there anything you could do to maybe change the scenario in regards to finding if you have more in common? People with different personalities can and do get along fine. It's just a matter of time really.

Perhaps it is also worth having a try at talking to your mum and dad about it? I'm sure if they understood where you were at then they'd be more aware of it and perhaps they'd be less likely to vent out at you as well. Parents are like that though, so don't worry too much. My parents still vent at me and I'm 23 haha.

I think if you told your folks about what was going on for you (about how you had to miss 6 weeks because you were struggling, crying fits, scared about falling behind etc) then they may well get a better idea of what is going on. Your schoolwork and your social life go hand in hand so they should understand. Plus if they adopted you then they are obviously good people so they probably will get what you mean 🙂

Btw, you won't figure out who you are until you hit at least 21 so rest assured you don't need to know now. You are 12 so enjoy being 12, try not to live your whole life straight away. That said, most people don't know who they are til they reach 30 these days haha.

If you haven't dealt with this before that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not immature.

Have you perhaps considered talking to your parents about seeing the gp? maybe raising it with them would help as well. You could even try the online counselling on beyondblue's site just to get some ideas.

But most importantly understand you are 12 and the teenage years are not easy, but that doesn't mean they HAVE to be bad. It's part of growing up. I think if you reach out to your folks and maybe consider getting a bit of help you will be okay.

And this forum is always here too.

Peace out 🙂