Rock Bottom

[two-dee]

I don't know what factor(s) are driving me to feel this way but as of now, I have never felt more pathetic as a human being. Of the nearly eighteen years of living that I have gone through, this year would have to singlehandedly take the cake as my annus horribilis. I feel that this primarily has to do with my current experiences as a Year 12. While I manage to get good grades I don't feel any gratification from doing it. I don't blame the school as they're just trying to teach us a curriculum the best that they can, instead I blame the SACE Board for crafting a curriculum that is so out of touch with teenagers and their interests, that people who study it will not use a single technique that was taught to them (I could go on all day about this but frankly, I don't want to bore any of you). Going back to the gratification aspect, I can apply the same example to many other examples in life in the sense that they are supposed to make me happy, but only end up damaging me. My mind is a dark place and quite frankly, I refuse to tell anyone about my problems, partly because I don't trust anyone and I feel that if I did, I would just keep coming back with more problems to dump on top of them. It also relates to my current social situation as I do not consider anyone as a friend, merely acquaintances. A friend to me would be someone that I could tell absolutely anything to and not be judged for a slight mishap in communication. The people in my school and wider community are just as basic and uninteresting as an NPC in a video game. My thoughts are pretty scattered at the moment and I have a lot more to talk about but I'm held back by the character limit. So I guess if I had to sum this all up, it would be that I don't see myself conquering this year. I just see myself right now as another future drifter, a no-hoper, a lost soul. I don't have the passion for doing anything anymore and having no friends only adds fuel to the fire. To put it another way, life to me is pathetic.

[startingnew]

hello and welcome

things are sounding pretty tough for you atm, i know you said you dont like to tell anyone about your problems but perhaps speaking to a psychologist would be benefical to you? not in school i mean one outside school. the point of having a psychologist is to 'dump' on them so they cna understand you and also help you through your troubles, that is what they are there for. if your worried about judgements from others perhaps an out of area one would be better..

i can relate quite alot to you in the aspect that i also feel like a lost soul, have lost interest in things and also dont find alot graityfing either. you said your community is quite basic and uninteresting.... have your considered going to uni/tafe in another city when you compelte yr 12? that was you can meet new people, be in a separate environment and perhaps that would also increase your motivations and reduce those dark thoughts..

Are you intersted in any sports or volunteer work that again you might be able to join outside of your community?

Please know this is a safe and understanding community so dont be afraid to keep talking to us here.

School is so tough sometimes and leaving school can also be scary, ive only been out of school for 3 and abit yrs and i had no clue what to do when i left and honestly i still done even though im working.

[two-dee]

Thank you so much for responding to me, it really does mean a lot. I think yesterday my thoughts were scattered all over the place so I really didn't know exactly what I was getting into. But now that I'm in a better state of mind I'll try and clear a few things up.

In terms of community, I was exaggerating a bit there. I still agree that my school community is very uninteresting, especially within my own cohort, but I've learnt and accepted that I'm most likely never going to communicate with these people after November. I'll have a whole new cast of characters to get used to while at Uni and, who knows? Maybe I'll actually find someone I can consider as a friend.

While we're on the subject of uni, it is what I want to do in the future, but I don't know exactly know what I want to do there, which leads into my next problem. The current vibe that I'm getting from my teachers is that they expect us to have already made up our minds about what further study we want to pursue. It is why every Tuesday they keep bombarding us with Uni/Tafe related stuff which everyone just sits and looks blankly at. That to me isn't a very ideal way of promoting further study and for someone who frets over the littlest of things, only worsens my current situation. But at the same time, running a school is like running a business and you have to make it look good in front of the general public and whatnot, so I can see why they promote all of this Uni/Tafe stuff. One more thing about Uni, while it would be nice to study/live interstate, I would feel pretty homesick so I'm going to stick with what I know best, regardless of all the social challenges.

With my bounds of worthlessness, it usually stays for an entire day then goes away the next day. Very rarely will it carry on to the next day (once it got so bad that I skipped a day of school). I understand that year 12 is supposed to feel like this, but if starts to affect me in my 4-month break, then it would probably be best for me to see a psychologist. 

The sports and volunteer stuff are only a few ideas I've had for what I want to do after school, because I simply refuse to sit and do nothing for 4 months straight (I've just got to get into shape first! 😂). I also aspire to get a part-time job so that I can finally have some financial independence after god-knows how many years of sucking up. 

Really, that's all I have to say and again, thank you for taking the time to respond. 

[Terry73]

Your first post was rather out and all over the place, I wasnt sure how to respond so I kept quiet, but now you have organized it better, I can understand what you mean. Dont get me wrong, your first post isnt bad, it shows how your emotions are in this, even though you might not think so.

The way I see it, is Uni/School isnt an answer to where you want to go, it never was, what it is for is to give you the tools you need to work that out yourself. Sadly, some teachers tend to not make sure students understand this. In other words, you do need to discover for yourself which way you want to go with study, uni/school is providing you the tools and basic information on this, but you do need to do the work, to explore the areas you want to be in, and research it fully. As you research more, you will become more involved with it, driving you on to discover more.

I believe that is where you are stuck at, making you seem "worthless" but in reality, you are not, you can still research and discover, you can still pursue your dreams, so just go for it and never hold back.

In time out, or when taking a break from things, go to places you want to go, do the things that make you feel refreshed, alive and most of all, happy and enjoying life. Everything else will fall into place around these things, including relationships, friendships, achievements outside your field, etc.

Put simply, while in study or work, just focus on doing what you can to excel and give it your all, while at rest and play, focus on what makes you happy and alive, lastly keep your health in mind, look after it, and that is basically what a successful life really is.

Hope this helps you, and motivates you as that is what you seem to need right now

Terry

[startingnew]

hello Two-dee


thats ok, many of us are nervous about posting so often our thoughts done come out properly. Not to worry though 🙂


Uni is different to high school. More people, different classes, activities and more so im sure once your settled in youll be able to make some friends too. Sometimes it does take abit of time though. Im in the same boat, its tricky being able to make friends sometimes.
Y'know, not a lot of people actually know what they want to do or they change carerrs. Perhaps an online career quiz would give you some ideas? You can find a few free ones online. Yes I very much remember those career lessons, I too looked at them and though 'ummmmmm' theres often career expos around too where you can speak to uni people, and get more information as well so thats another options for having a look around.


Im really glad those worthless feelings dont hang around, they really arent very pleasant. Perhaps while your in a good mood you could write a list of the positive thigns about yourself, that way when you feel worthless or low you can have a look and see the positives..


getting a job sounds like a great idea, its easier to get one whilst your in school so maybe have a look around and see if you could start to get a job now even if it is part time. Its a good start...

[two-dee]

Hello startingnew,

Everything you said in the first paragraph is what most adults have been telling me this year and quite a bit last year too. Initially I'll nod my head in accordance, but it's only later when that information finally dawns upon me and I can accept and embrace it. I'm going to some of the upcoming Uni open days and will try to have an open mind with what I'm interested in (it worked last year and I'm praying that it can happen again this year).

In terms of making friends, I guess it's just my character. I'm quite the introvert irl, and the fear of rejection always hangs above my head when talking to people. Sure, I will tend to make somewhat decent conversation with people I am relatively close with and/or if they have similar interests, but apart from that, at this current point in time I've accepted that most people just aren't worth talking to. I feel especially belittled by the popular ones (but indirectly though, they're not bullying me or anything!) simply because they give off this vibe that they're better than everyone else. I'll usually just avoid everyone altogether and go off to a quiet(er) place during recess or lunch to study. It's probably not an ideal thing to do but, it is what it is unfortunately.

I usually refrain from writing or saying anything positive about myself in the fear that I'll sound super pretentious. Ironically, I'm the kind of person to put others before myself, but not to the extent like in previous years (I have no idea why this is). I've also seen on here (as well as other mental health sites) that quotes are a good way of inspiring people. For me, it doesn't work at all because schools nowadays think they're being young and hip with the kids just because they have random quotes plastered in every classroom and also every popular person in school thinks that they're being unique by incorporating some quote from a song or whatever. It's just left an overall bad taste in my mouth.

It will probably be during late term 3 when I'll start thinking about getting a job and all of those other promises I made since my schedule is pretty flat-out atm. I've had the resume done for quite a while now after being thoroughly checked and now I just need to build up whatever self-confidence I have left.

[startingnew]

hello Two-Dee

im so sorry its taken me abit to come back to here.

how are you going?

i think attending some uni open days would be great, and keeping your options open. who knows what might interest you!

Im quite the introvert too, and it can make findin friends difficult but i do hope you can make some soon. i guess you have to work on yourself as well and learn to like others for whom they are as well. the vibes off some people though can be really strong and unwelcoming and those are the ones i tend to stay away from too.

Thats ok about quotes, you need to find what works for you in terms of recovery and progress. each person is different so its about learning about what does/doesnt work and being able to implement those things into your life too.

yeah for sure, wait till things settle in school before looking elsewhere. that way you wont get to overwhelmed between school, work and other commitments.

Also we have a cafe for under 25s that your welcome to join in with if you would like- youll find it in the social sections