Relationships Causing Depression

[Kularhi]

Hi, I have a bit of a confusing situation, but first a little but of a back story.

I have was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and severe Depression about 10 years ago.

Every time I am in a relationship my depression has gotten worse to a point where it end because of it. My last relationship ended almost 3 years ago.

After that ended, I went into study, got a great job, going into my dream career and my depression was literally gone. First time in years and all because I was single.

A few weeks ago I met a new guy. Very happy and there is absolutely nothing wrong so far. No emotional manipulation. No abuse of any kind. Supportive and the communication is great (which is rare for me)

But my depression has come back full blown despite being on the same dose of my anti depressant I had for the las 3ish years.

I have no idea why this is happening to me and I am scared it's going to end this relationship too.

Literally there is nothing wrong in the relationship at this stage besides maybe it's going too fast...

Anyone have any advice?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kularhi,

It does sound like a very confusing and nerve racking time for you. I’m glad you’re trying to understand why relationships are such a big trigger for your depression. Good on you for reaching out here...

Congratulations on committing to your studies and starting your dream career. Those are huge achievements, and I’m glad your depression lifted for a bit.

But it sounds like, as you have said, your current relationship has triggered your depression again. It’s hard to say exactly why, but it could be that it’s going to fast (as you suggested).

Or I wonder if maybe it’s because you reach a certain level of emotional stability (so to speak) outside of relationships, so when you are in a relationship, the emotional intimacy triggers all kinds of intense emotions that throw you off that previous, somewhat fragile, emotional balance.

I’m not sure if that’s it though...

I wonder if it would help to make notes about your last and current relationship in terms of key milestones, so maybe you would then be able to identify a pattern, and pinpoint what is the trigger. I don’t know if that would work or not, and it’s entirely up to you. But that’s just my gentle suggestion.

Thanks so much for sharing. If you feel up to it, but no pressure or obligation, it would be great to hear how things are going since your opening post.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Kularhi]

Thank you for your feedback! I think your ideas sound pretty accurate and I am thinking of maybe journaling my thoughts and feeling somewhere to better understand it.

Also I have decided to take a step back a little and hopefully he doesnt get too worried.

It just felt like I had a balance beam I was balancing on so easy for quite a while and suddenly it got way to thin and I was hanging by one hand.

Just writing down my thoughts here helped me focus and I am feeling a bit better.

I will keep you up to date with how things are going. Xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kularhi,

You’re most welcome, and thank you so much for your lovely words 🙂

I love your idea to journal. I’m sure that will be a great way to help you purge some of your feelings, as well as a way to help you understand yourself better.

I’m glad you’ve made a decision about how to proceed in terms of managing your own wellbeing/mental health. Hopefully, stepping back will give you some space to nurture your own wellbeing a bit more.

There’s no pressure of course, but you’re always welcome to write here whenever you feel it would help you e.g. to update, vent, unload feelings, etc. There are many people caring and listening (reading quietly) here.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper