Lost?

[_char_]

Hi,

I'm 17, in year 12 and I'm feeling very lost.

I feel like it's hard for me to be happy on a day-to-day basis. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and ever since last year I spent half the time with my mum and the other half of the week with my dad. My dad has remarried - my stepmother had two kids from a previous marriage - and now I have two half sisters as well. Now I spend the whole week at my mums and go to my dads Friday night and return to my mum's Saturday afternoons. In the past I have had issues with my stepmother, though currently we are on good terms.

My 'real' mum and I, while I love her, we have our difficulties. She has been diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety and depression but has them under control. I feel she sometimes has unrealistic expectations and whilst she is able to talk about mental health, I feel when I talk to her she doesn't understand me. A lot of times I feel a disconnect and when we do communicate, our brains are just on two different paths. We argue often and overall at home I feel like I am a trapped bird.

Then there's school. Whilst I have a relatively good situation at school, I feel I lack motivation and get annoyed by competitive peers. I know that school is an important thing for me. I want to do well and know it will benefit my future... though knowing this does not help me find a purpose.

My friends aren't the type to hang out often and though we hang out morning tea and lunch, I feel somehow there is a disconnect (no this is not me being anti-social, though it may be a cause).

I feel I overall lack purpose, not having a fantastic social life, 'normal' family or current hobbies. When I get depressive thoughts, a lot of the time, I can manage them effectively myself. However things are starting to crumble and my ability to block these out are becoming diminished. Honestly, it's a lot to do with purpose and not seeing any point in doing anything anymore.

Re-reading this, all this information may seem irrelevant, however I feel somehow it relates to my current state of mind.

Hope someone can relate

[rhombusslope]

Hi Char

Thanks for posting and reaching out. Sounds like a lot is happening at the moment, makes sense you are feeling lost. You sound very smart, and have a mature insight into your relationships - something I wish I had when I was 17 🙂

finding a ‘purpose’: it’s great to be questioning this now. From my experience (I’m 26, so probably not that much experience...), finding a purpose is a life long pursuit. It could be a career, a hobby, a pet... and every month, it might be something new. I also am searching for this one - sometimes it’s saving up money for a trip overseas, or trying to be more social with friends (baby steps).

I didn’t have much of a social life in high school - there’s a lot to juggle so I’m surprised anyone had one haha. It did get better as the year went on - keep an eye on fun events and hang out with people you like and feel comfy with 🙂 regarding a ‘normal family’, it’s funny, cos a lot of people would say ‘there’s no such thing as a normal family... look at mine!’. I think we all see the weirdness of our own family so clearly, but from the outside it might not be that obvious. I don’t want to detract from your situation at all, as it sounds like you’ve done / are doing an incredible job at adapting and living through this.

Hobbies are great, but hard at the same time! I find it hard to motivate myself to get up and do things, but I know it’s for the best and does help with finding that purpose and keeping engaged. For me, I love going boxing or walking to work. I like watching new movies and funny tv shows and comedy gigs. Maybe it’s just starting with the little things (podcasts of subjects you’re interested in, stretching in the park) and moving up to bigger goals (picking up an instrument, hiking).

not sure how much help this all is, but I wanted to comment as I remember that year 12 can feel lonely and high pressure - and wanted to say that you are doing a great job so far! Let us know how you go!

georgia