relationship struggles need help

[Dunnowhattoput]

I came to this forum because i don't really know who to speak to. Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over 12 months now. about 4 months ago he cheated on me. we had been going through a really rough patch for about 2 months before it tho and the night he cheated we had kinda discussed breaking up but weren't going to decide anything until we could properly sit down and discuss everything and sort it all out hoping there was another chance for us, however he cheated and we broke up before i knew about this, i then found out and i called him so upset telling him to not contact me anymore because of all the pain he had caused me (there had been a lot of him hurting me with his words and previous actions and not caring at all and no respect for me) but because i am who i am in a small country town a month or so later i took him back because he had promised he had changed and sorted everything. well now 4 months later his gone back to showing little interest and taking me for granted and leaving me so upset all the time and making me feel so suspicious of what he is always up to. i put in everything i have for him and struggle not to. I know the logic thing is to end things but without him i have no one. I live in a tiny country town with all my friends going away to Uni so i literally would have none, and moving away isn't an option for me right now. I just don't know what to do and really need some support. I don't know how much longer i can do this but i also don't know if i can live without him and live alone for a whole year with no friends or anything because without him in my life i have no friends. Can someone please show me some guidance, Im really struggling.

[geoff]

hello, I am so sorry to be deceived like he has been with you, unfortunately, people like this always promise one thing and do something completely the opposite, that's how he operates, coming back to you when he has no one else, I'm sorry but that's not what love is about.
Love is when two people are committed wholly and solely to each other, where there is never any doubt for loss of trust, where the both of you can talk quite openly about their pleasures and what maybe troubling them, that's love.
You say that you don't feel as though you could live without him, that's only because you don't have anybody else to share your company with, but can I ask you, what is better, to live with a person who keeps lying and cheating on you, taking advantage of every situation he can or to live with finding other people who you can trust.
Eventually this chap will move on as soon as he can find someone who doesn't care about his lifestyle, whereas for you it's distressing, he could never be your soulmate.
Your time alone could change as soon as you participate in activities, joining whatever groups you can where there will be decent people to associate with and that's what you deserve.
Please get back to us. Geoff. x

[Dunnowhattoput]

thankyou Geoff, yeah i totally understand its just so hard i need someone to tell me what to do. He gets so mad when i spend time with my mates yet he always ditches us for them and just little things like that are really getting to me. for example he went away with his mate on a holiday for a week so naturally i went and saw him on the weekend after he got back, i was there for 2 hours and his mates called him asking to do something and so he just like left. i know i deserve more but at times he can be so sweet but i realise that is only when he wants something. I just find it so hard to talk with him, his not a very open person anymore and this makes it all a lot harder. i just wish i could look down on everything thats happening and our relationship and see it from an outside point of view but I'm really finding it difficult to do so. But I'm pretty much with someone who only values me when it suits them, i know me hanging with them is a burden to them but I'm still here worshiping someone who couldn't give two damns about me. i deserve someone who cares about me and doesn't just use me. but i just can't seem to let go either

[Dunnowhattoput]

he is also constantly calling me high maintenance when all i do is run around after him looking after him and ensuring he is happy. I literarily do everything for him, buy his dinner, help him do certain jobs, look after his dog etc. but it is never enough I'm always back stabbed and never appreciated. he never wants to go out to dinner with me, go on walks, do anything i want to do. I suggested doing something nice for valentines day and all i got was "dinners a waste of time and money lets just go fishing" and like yea i enjoy that stuff but i also enjoy dinners and dates and romantic things too. i dunno maybe I'm asking for too much but i just don't know anymore

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

You do know. You have said repeatedly how you want more than he is capable of giving you. You are wasting so much time worrying about him and the relationship, but I bet he doesn't give it a second thought. It will not change.

Breakups are not easy. It will be hard. You will need to be strong, and not listen to his apologies, cos it won't last. I have wasted 10yrs in a you on relationship like this.

You will still see your mates, even if they are at uni. They will come back on w/e& holidays. You will prob be able to visit them. Who knows what new people you mates will meet at uni, you may meet your soulmate. You might miss this chance if you stay with him.

This is the start of the best yrs of your life. Be strong & you will feel good about yourself.

[Hikarue]

You had given him many chances and he is not changing for your happiness. If I were you, I choose to let him go, stay strong and move on. I had an ex that cheated too so moving on is not always the easiest thing to do if you feel as thought you are alone and have no one else. Well, actually many people are also feeling the pain of being alone when they are facing fail relationship or unable to find a partner who can treat them right. So always remember that you are not alone. Believe that once you close a door, another will open. Because I free myself from my ex, I finally free my heart to give opportunity to meet someone else that can treat me better. I don't have time to deal with people who are just not willing to improve themselves and is just going to hurt me over and over again. I made the mistake of being stuck believing that the guy will change and things will get better, I am glad that I got out of it early. Another of my friend who was stuck in trying to improve and giving hope in the failing relationship regretted that she hadn't ended it earlier. Good luck, stay strong and keep moving on. New doors will open.