Loving Someone With Depression

[buhlush]

Okay so to be 100% clear, I just want to start with the fact that I know my boyfriend has depression and some other mental issues, as he has seen many psychologist and psychiatrists over the past three years who have all confirmed his mental state. So this isn't just him being sad or moody some of the time - he really has depression.

It gets hard sometimes. He can get very, very moody, and it used to affect me in a really negative way. I stopped caring about a lot of things, such as my grades and my friendship group. I lost interest in nearly everything I had once thoroughly enjoyed. Once the relationship ended for the first time, my parents had said they believed it was his impression that had made me become the mess I was. And I suppose I believed them.

But now we are back together, and I constantly find myself worrying. He's so moody, and so hard to read, I keep trying to tell myself that I have done nothing wrong (when I truly haven't), and that it is just his depression making him this way. But these moods also make me reconsider our relationship, and whether I'm making him happy. He says all the time I am, but I still worry.

Someone please help!

[Quiettall]

Hello buhlush

This must be very difficult for you. My suggestion is that you might go to see a doctor together to seek a referral to a counsellor where you can both explore ways to manage the situation better.

The other suggestion is to click on the "Supporting someone with depression or anxiety" link at the bottom of this page. There are some great resources here on this site to help you.

You can also keep posting as there are others who will offer help and support to cope with what you are both going through.

[Hikarue]

hi Blulush.

Supporting someone with depression not only take patience buy also skills and knowledge. If you want to help him you need to first know if he is willing to help himself as well and improve his state of mind. If he does, bravo! Both of you can start digging online information, seeking counseling, making new friends, take up new interest and hobbies and learn to grown together. It will take time but try not to give up and be sure to keep on learning.

If he is not keen on improving yourself, just do your best in getting him to seek help, contact a family member or close friend from his side and make sure he is getting support from them too. Contact counselors/ doctors for him and get them to help him. You are not a professional, so getting someone else with more skills and experience to help him will be a good way since doing it yourself can be very difficult and could impact your own lifestyle in a negative way. As for the relationship, keep it easy. I might even choose to stay friends with him until he get his depression sorted out. Good Luck.

[geoff]

hello Buhlush, it's all well and good for psych's to diagnosis your b/friend with having depression, it's what they can do to help him that is much more important.
What actually happens is that his depression will begin to affect you, because you have tried everything possible that could have helped him, but nothing seems to have worked, sure the love is there, but it's not enough to drag him out of depression, and that's when you yourself suffer the consequences or lack of response from him, that's the power of what depression can do.
It's very difficult to know whether you want to stay with him, because there never seems to be any feedback, only negative comments, and that's when you have to decide whether you want to stay with him or leave him, that's a decision you have to make.
My wife divorced me because I had depression plus other factors because she couldn't help me, the love of my life, and I never thought anything like this would ever happen, unfortunately it did after 25 years of being married, sure she still worried about me, but she wasn't there with me and decided she had to move on.
It's can be a hard decision or easy one but it depends on what your thoughts are.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.