Relationship Help

[DannyB1997]

I started dating a girl back in April. I used to go to school with her and I moved which she only just moved to the school I now am at. So we knew each other but not too well.

Since moving back to school together we started becoming really good friends. We spoke and hung around each day. She had a boyfriend at this stage, yet later breaking up last December. We started dating in April. I thought I knew her. A really friendly nice and innocent young girl. Yet soon finding out that she used to smoke,  She used to drink. It took me a long time to forgive her but I did. Then being told that she has had sex back in year 8. This came as a huge surprise to me. Only yesterday being told that not only has she had sex, however she has done really inappropriate things with other boys. This has hurt me so much. First thinking she was innocent yet now I don't know. I have never done any of this. 

Since being told I have been really sad, feeling sick and not been able to sleep. I have cried and I have no idea at all with what to do. 

Please help

[Jacko777]

Hi DannyB1997,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Danny. I'm sorry to hear you are upset mate, hopefully you will get some ideas and support here.

Your girlfriend didn't do these things to annoy or upset you Danny, we can only speculate as to what has caused her to go down this path. It is possible she has done these things in response to a negative situation, it is a reaction rather than a desire. I understand that you feel shocked and upset, you would rightly feel confused about her. She probably is still that friendly and nice girl, she has just reacted to pressure in this way, many do.

Have you tried to talk to her about this? She might not want to talk about it, she might possibly regret what she has done. Do you have a school counsellor you can talk to Danny? You don't have to mention names but it would help you to talk to a professional about this so you can find some clarity. Hang in there mate.

Jack

[geoff]

dear Danny, hi and nice to talk to you.

Can I say that even when us oldies go out on a date, we never know what this other person has done in their past, and I'm not sure that I would ever want to know, nor they would want to know what we have got up to either, but there's a difference between us and you, it's happened many times to us, but not for you, as you are rather disappointed and shocked, but you don't know what the situation was or how it all involved.

Girls at school can be coerced into doing things which are not acceptable, but once something has been done then the temptation to continue could be encouraged into doing something else, so this is a possibility that could have happened, we don't know, and I'm not really sure you want know any more, and please remember that rumours spread like crazy and become distorted along the way.

It's a very difficult situation you are in, because she could still be that beautiful girl you have wanted, so if she wants to go out with you, don't be too hasty in asking her questions, because over time they will evolve, and there is a trick here, so lets say it's me going out for a first date, and I was to ask her question after question, it would be my only date with her.

Hope it goes well and please let us know how you are. Geoff.