Recent breakup

[LemonsGoMoo]

Recently my girlfriend of three years and I have been going through some problems, about 2-3 months ago we fought and she ended up leaving me for another girl, I was broken and I couldn't cope. She took me back after a couple of weeks saying that it was a mistake and I was the best thing to happen to her. A week ago I was about to return from a two week trip I had taken with my family to find that she wanted to break up again because she had found another girl, but she doesn't know who she wants. I've been struggling with this and often contemplate suicide even though I know it won't change anything. I'm only 14 so this is a big thing in my life and many people who I have talked to about it don't take me seriously.

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[Zeal]

Hey, and welcome to the forum!

First off, you do deserve to be taken seriously. This sounds like a tough situation to be in emotionally. It sounds as though your girlfriend is very confused about her sexual orientation, and about what she wants. Three years is a significant length for a relationship, particularly at your age. You started going out with her when you were about 11 - when you were still a child at primary school. If you don't mind me asking, how old is your girlfriend? You are really young to be in a relationship. This is not a criticism, just an observation. Perhaps you are quite emotionally mature for your age.

It's good to hear that you've tried talking to people about this. Are your parents or siblings aware of the situation? I was concerned when I read that you have been having suicidal thoughts. It would be beneficial for you to see your GP. Talking to someone who cares, who can provide useful advice, and who can refer you to someone else if necessary, is important. Have you been diagnosed with depression before?

If you are feeling very depressed or vulnerable, try to be around other people. Even though this may feel like the last thing you want, it will be important for your wellbeing and safety.

I hope this situation improves, and you are able to talk about where you stand relationship-wise with your girlfriend.

Best wishes,

SM

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lemons, thanks for your post.

It sounds like this back and forth and associated pain is so much that you are contemplating possibly ending your life. It can feel even harder when you are not sure about what is happening and not getting the support you want. The effect this is having on you is very serious, and we think it would be good to get some professional support through this so you can stay safe and navigate how to cope with everything. Headspace centres are really great for getting support for managing relationship issues as well as depression and suicide thoughts. It's important that you keep safe and it may be somewhere to go on your own, as well as with your girlfriend if you both feel you are going through too much.

If at any point you start to think seriously about suicide as an option, it's important to speak to someone more immediately. The low feelings that can come with depression can lead to thinking that there are no options or things won't get better. Suicide is a permanent decision, whereas everything else, is temporary, so it is important to make sure you have the support needed to stay safe. Your local mental health team is available 24/7 if you need to discuss this. If you feel you can't keep safe, please call 000 for an ambulance to help you.

We hope that the online community here provides you with helpful support that also empowers you to continue moving forward and finding your way through whatever happens.

Take care and don't hesitate to contact our Support Service if you would like any information, referrals, or brief support to do with depression and anxiety. They can be reached 24/7 at 1300 224 636 or online via webchat daily from 3pm-midnight.

[LemonsGoMoo]

Thank you for the replies, my ex is the same age as I am, a few months younger. I've been going to a therapist who is trying to help me manage my emotions and help me get over this. I also told my mum how I felt and she's been very supportive but I see my ex girlfriend every day at school and we have all our classes together so it's hard to forget about all this. She's still sending me mixed messages but I have a day to say goodbye then she wants me gone out of her life.

This is a huge thing for me as she has been my main line of support and to lose her is hard, I also know that she needs help (she has been diagnosed with depression) but refuses to seek it. I'm worried for her mental health as well

[Felicity308]

Hi Lemons,  

Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you don’t feel things as strongly as anyone else. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this because they’re horrible feelings to deal with. I really think it would be a good idea to go and see a GP just to at least get a handle on your feelings and to look at some ways to deal with the suicidal thoughts you mentioned. If you don’t think you can visit a doctor you can always use the BeyondBlue phone line if you are feeling low.  

I can imagine how hard it must be seeing your ex every day at school. Does your mum know about the suicidal thoughts and exactly how low you are feeling – it might even be an idea to see if you could miss a few days of school to get back on track.  

For now I think you need to let other people take care of your ex and focus on yourself. I know you probably won’t feel like it but what helps me when I’m really low is to spend some time with friends even if I don’t want to see anyone. Another thing that helps is doing exercise or something that uses all your energy and spending time doing something you really enjoy. For me, singing in the car really helps – I’m sure you enjoy something much less embarrassing.  

Don’t forget that there is always someone here that cares about what you’re dealing with.  

Felicity