Really confused about my life

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hey, im 16 and new to this site but i dont feel like a 16yr old should. Ive never really had alot of friends and pretty much the whole way through primary school i managed to scrape through with only 5 friends. 3 of them been 2 grades below. i never really understood why people didnt like me. i always got picked on and teased for the way i look, people used to insult me and leave me out on purpose. i remember this one boy used to call me "death word" which i eventually just got used to enough to not care about it. shame i was born on the same day as him... which pretty much made the situation worse.

the day i left primary school was probably one of the happiest days of my life... shame i was too young to realise how crap highschool really is. At first things were fine, i had a friend or two and everyone was just getting to know eachother. People sort of looked and me and were already avoiding me, i reckon it was my looks that said it all.

throughout highschool i think ive been in 7 differnt groups of people... and that was from 7-10. now in year 11 im in my 8th group and i get the feeling im not welcome. No-body ever messages me over fb, they never invite me over to hang out.... they dont even say hi to me when they see me. If i was alone they would sit together and they wouldnt write my name if someone asked who was in the group. when i got to around year 8 i was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with crohns disease ( chronic inflammatory bowel disease) and i was told i was going to have a ilesotmy bag for life. Not alot of people knew and some that did teased me for having it. Feeling shattered i wanted to give up. by the time i got to year 10 i was having major difficultiies with my crohns disease and i was admitted about 5 times, until i got my ilesotmy re-done in 2013.... i got basically no messages from people at school ( well nobody messaged me unless i messaged first). and i was then re-admitted about 3 times after.... adding up to me missing about 6 months or so of yr 10. most people thought i left the school and most still dont know or care that i have this disease. I find when someone complains about been sick for one day they get more sympathy  then when im sick for over 6 months.

I feel so invisable and insignificant to anybody. I find it so hard to have conversations with people after my bad experiences. i think ive lost my ability to be social. i normally find myself sitting alone in class and i dont contribute to class discussions. I hate hearing the bell for recess and lunch because i know that means i have to either sit alone or be with people who will just ignore me and treat me like fly on the wall.

 I always find when people talk to me, their tone is higher and more sarcastic than if they were talking to a friend. i feel they think i am socially unaware. They talk to me as if i am a little kid and than they all laugh and giggle as if i dont feel the pain. I dont want to be rude and tell them off for "pretneding to help me" because i remember how bad its gone before. the thing is its mostly girls who are doing this. i know you'd proably just think its girls been b****y but i hate it.

ive tried to ask for help from differnt people but its alwayts gone wrong. my parents made it worse. my so called friends didnt care when i told them i was at a all-time-low and everything just falls apart. My sister is the worst. she always makes me feel so bad. my heads in a bad place. I have one really good friend i always talk to about my problems and she does the same ( we are not gay btw).

i dont know what to do. i cant change schools. I cant get away. im already seeing a pyscologist but i dont feel comfortabe to tell her my thoughts anymore. not after last time. please help....

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Hey cancerianmoom,

I definitely can agree that i feel more comfortable with animals, and yes i do own a dog. She is so loving and despite her appearance shes a really gentle dog.I don't usually like going out for walks, but sometimes getting away from things for a short time is good for my mind.

I've never worked at a animal shelter, but i have done a 2-week work experience at a local companion practice.

That's alright about the animal thing. It's great to hear other people trying to get back on track and sharing their interests with others and what has helped them. Thanks again and i appreciate your comment and ill see what i can do about lowering my stress levels if in need.  🙂 x