"Online" Girl Thoughts

[A_93]

Hi all,

So, I've been heavily invested in an online mobile game for about 1.5 years now. At the start of this year (8 months ago), I met this girl on there which we hit off straight away. We got along extremely well, and we were constantly talking on a daily basis. For the most part, I didn't think much of it, as it was "just a game". But the more we talked and connected, the more I fell attracted to her. When I met her, I found out she has an "online boyfriend", where they have known each other for 4+ years through another game.

It wasn't only until ~4 months ago, my feelings for her got the better of me. I felt like we were dating ourselves; sending good morning/night messages, hearts/hugs/kisses, *mild photos, saying how much we miss and 'luv' each other, and even talking about meeting each other and *cuddling together. Just recently we also spoke on the phone for the first time. This has been an on-going thing for about 5 months now. I felt happy. I felt like I was really there with her. I felt like I wanted her to be the one. But the realisation of her having this 'boyfriend' caught up to me. Just recently (about a month ago), she's been mentioning him a lot, showing a lot of distance, and severely toned down the level of affection. I did ask her why she was showing the distance, to receive the answer of it just being herself being busy, and nothing of it. Things did get better after this, but we still haven't achieved the same level of affection.

Anyways, I know it's not my place to interfere with another relationship, and it's probably my own fault for getting so stuck up in this fantasy world, that now my own world and mind feels so corrupt, I'm losing sleep over it. I extremely like this person, and I still feel like we get along like no one I've ever connected with before. It affects me on a personal level. I lose sleep over it. I feel lonely when I don't hear from her. I feel like I've invested so much into this, I can't ever let her go. I know it sounds so selfish, but dam. Cliche as anything, but she stole my heart, and now I'm feeling more in the dumps than ever.

All advice welcome.

[Zeal]

Hi A.93,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear about this hurtful online relationship situation - that's hard. You deserve to have a relationship (mostly in-person ideally) with someone who is exclusively interested in you. Solely online interactions like this are confusing. Relationships may start online, but it's important that both people are committed to just each other, and that you can see each other offline too. As emotionally difficult as this may sound, I feel that ceasing contact with this girl is a good idea. Definitely send a nice goodbye message first, which also tells her that you need to stop the online interactions for your own wellbeing. Obviously use your own words and judgement 🙂

You are not selfish at all. You have been hurt and confused by this girl's online interactions with you. Though you have felt (and still feel) a special connection to her, this won't necessarily be the case in-person. For your own happiness, it's important that you give yourself a chance for a healthy relationship, with no others involved but you and the other person.

If what I said hasn't helped, I'm sorry. This is my perspective on the situation you've described. I welcome more comments 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[A_93]

Hi Zeal,

Thank you for your nice response, and not judging the situation harshly (which I'm sure is easy to do).

I've definitely thought about breaking ties multiple times, a few occasions even mentioning this, but I always get left with her re-assruance that nothing is wrong and it's silly to consider (which deep down I know I don't want to). Is it bad to kind've hope or wait for her to break ties with her current online bf, so we can be together properly?

One thing I forgot to mention is, she lives on the other side of the world to me, and her "bf" on the other side again. So time zones segregate us pretty harshly. I feel like she speaks with me often, as she doesn't have the right times to speak with her actual bf. Is it bad if I actually like that? I feel like I know nothing is going to come of it, but it keeps me happy until something real comes along? I don't know. But this only seems to work, if the same level of affection is shown on a consistent basis. As soon as we get these off periods, it eats away at me.

Thanks again for your advice! I'll definitely consider it more in-depth.

[geoff]

hello, and thanks for opening up to us, which could have been very difficult but it's great that you have because your caught between a rock and a hard place.
I have to say that I too am very sorry that you have caught up in a situation like this, especially when she is on the other side of the world, because after you both talk you're not quite sure what goes on with what she does, in other words it's likely that she may have other online b/friends, creating romance everywhere.
Has she ever mentioned that she is prepared to come over and visit you and have you seen a photo of what she looks like.
I know how romantic you are, desperate to find a girl who will return her love to you, so you found her online, so your joy must have been ecstatic, at last someone who seems to love me, so you keep watching the net to see when she's on so you can talk, the problem is you don't know what else she is up to, she may have several other guys who she is talking to and they too might be in love with her, but being on the other side of the world does create a few concerns which I don't habve to mention, because you know them.
You have to remember that people talk on the phone differently than when you are living with them, because you don't really know what their personality is like until you're both together, I'm sorry to say this because I don't want to deflate your enthusiasm which I may have.
How can I say that I'm so sorry, however would she be prepared to come and visit you, not for you to visit her, because that's different because you take time off and travel to the other side of the world and for her not to be there. Geoff.