pushing everyone away

[Tilly1]

I have pushed everyone important away from me and am feeling so lonely. For the past ten months I've been unwell and unable to work or study...although I was experiencing depression before I got sick.

everything used to feel so romantic, colourful, mysterious and now it's all a grey cloud, even on sunny days. I don't know what to feel anymore. It's so hard being in a relationship because he is so pro active and full of life, and I have to keep up with him. Sometimes I'm a mess and he doesn't know how to react...not many people do. He thinks by going for a walk or trying harder that everything will be ok but it hasn't been for me for over a year now.

Im just so angry that I'm like this, sometimes I wake up in tears because I don't know how I will face the day.

meds scare me, and I'm seeing a psychologist

[The_Possum]

Hey Tilly

I'm sorry to see you're having a hard time.

I was only diagnosed last year so I'm new at all this too.

I found whilst my psychologist was helpful as well as self help strategies, it was really medication that lifted the foggy cloud hanging over me.

I too, was afraid of medication. You hear so many horror stories about side effects etc that you tens to build it up as a big scary thing. I know I did.

Medication can be tricky as it's often trial and error. My GP put me on an antidepressant which actually made things worse for me.

I then saw a psychiatrist and was found to be bipolar ii, and put on an anti-epileptic. My life transformed within 3 months. It was unbelievable the change. I don't think I would have achieved that without it.

Times can still be challenging, at the moment I'm going through some rough times with family, and I can feel my vulnerability, I'm going to talk it through with a psych and stick to my meds and if I feel I'm going too far back I'll go back to the psychiatrist, I may need to adjust medications etc

I'm no longer afraid of medication and the way I see it, you can go off it if it doesn't turn out to help.

Have a chat with your GP and maybe get a referral to a psychiatrist, they are medication guru's. They can assess you and advise.

Best of luck x

[blondguy]

Hi Tilly

Im sorry that you feel this low by being in this dark place. I understand as I have had chronic anxiety followed by depression for many years and its an awful empty feeling to have.

I know its not much help but tens of thousands of people in Australia suffer from this awful illness.

Can I ask if you have a couple of close friends or family that you can confide (vent) to? Blowing off steam and having a huge cry/vent is always beneficial as well as even lifting the dark cloud for even a little while.

I think you are amazing for having the courage to post here. There are many people that have similar issues that can be here for you too 🙂

Please dont let meds scare you Tilly. They arent a fix all.....they do provide us with a solid platform on which we can use the counseling and coping mechanisms to heal more effectively...

If you had a physical illness like diabetes or heart disease you would have to take meds as well. Depression is partially chemically based which makes it similar to a physical illness anyway

Can I ask you how often you are seeing your psychologist? The more frequent the counseling the more effective your recovery will be.

Please dont beat yourself up. I see a wonderful person that has a health problem. You didnt wake up one day and decide to have it. You didnt cause the depression.

my kind thoughts for you

Paul