Young people

Im losing the people who love me and I can't seem to stop

replies: 2

Hi I wasn't sure if this is how you start but I was hoping this might help me . I am currently in a relationship and have been for 4 months. I have suffered with depression and PTSD for many years and have always tried to hide it until 2 years when i... View more

Hi I wasn't sure if this is how you start but I was hoping this might help me . I am currently in a relationship and have been for 4 months. I have suffered with depression and PTSD for many years and have always tried to hide it until 2 years when it got too out of hand and so I got help. At this point my family kind of knew the degree to what it was at but they didn't, and still don't, know what it means to be depressed. I tried to work through my issues but I ended up pushing them to one side and self medicating to forget. And this is where my alter ego emerged especially when I was drinking as id turn into a different person and only act as an observer to what my body was saying or doing. I am now feeling down and I'm taking it out on my boyfriend. My alter ego keeps coming back when I drink and so I've stopped. But I want to be able to go out with friends and bf and enjoy our nights and not ruin it which I have been doing for so long. To the point that my friends are sick of it. I don't know if I'm depressed like I was but Im uncontrollably sad which is brought about by the silliest things like a comment about what I'm wearing. Some nights I can't sleep because I don't want to wake up sad and have to go through the next day. I have been feeling like I'm not good enough and trying ways to improve myself. I am paranoid that my boyfriends cheating and doubting my relationship even when I know he loves me. I want to be happy and I don't want to lose my bf or friends and family like I have in the past.

scared of yet to come

replies: 7

i'm 16 and my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over 3 months now, i love him so much but i'm just so scared that i'll lose him that is becomes hard to think about anything else. We fight often and it scares me so much, i want to be with ... View more

i'm 16 and my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over 3 months now, i love him so much but i'm just so scared that i'll lose him that is becomes hard to think about anything else. We fight often and it scares me so much, i want to be with him but i'm sick of crying and being sad. scared and sad

Anxiety ruins everything, help!!

replies: 2

I've suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember and when it comes to to guys my anxiety is SEVERE. I can't talk to the opposite sex without feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I get awkward just in case I might say something wrong and in which ... View more

I've suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember and when it comes to to guys my anxiety is SEVERE. I can't talk to the opposite sex without feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I get awkward just in case I might say something wrong and in which most cases I'll start stuttering and go bright red. Even if I don't have a connection with a guy I still can't talk. I really don't know why I'm like this and I hate it. It has held me back from potentional friendships and relationships.

am I worth loving

replies: 3

I've been dating someone for 8 months now, he's perfect, sweet and has done nothing to make me not trust him and would never hurt me. He cares about me and has the purest intentions. Yet I still struggle to let my walls down and trust him. Up until a... View more

I've been dating someone for 8 months now, he's perfect, sweet and has done nothing to make me not trust him and would never hurt me. He cares about me and has the purest intentions. Yet I still struggle to let my walls down and trust him. Up until a couple months ago I started getting paranoid that he was talking to other girls, looking at other girls and although I know he never would I'm struggling to get these thoughts out of my head. I struggle to keep myself from pushing him away, I've almost broken up with him a couple times now but each time I can't because I have so much love for him and I think he knows that's not what I really want. I'm struggling to be okay and happy with who I am. I'm constantly worried about not being good enough, making him unhappy and just not being good for him. He tells me how happy he is with me all the time but I can't bring myself to believe it. I feel like he's in a bubble and I just want to protect myself from getting hurt eventually and push him away. I'm struggling so much. I'm torn. I get these waves of wanting to push everyone away and be alone but I know that's not what I should be doing. i don't feel happy anymore. I don't like who I am, I feel like my friends aren't there anymore. I struggle to believe I make this boy happy. I'm scared I'm ruining him and making him unhappy but because he loves me he can't let me go. I'm struggling to be happy with who I am.

All up-hill from here - acknowledging and accepting

replies: 4

Hey! I'm Maggie, I'm 20 years old, I'm studying Sound Production, I've been struggling with depression/anxiety since I was 15. This is my first post, here we go... I guess the biggest thing going on with me at the moment is the realisation that I am ... View more

Hey! I'm Maggie, I'm 20 years old, I'm studying Sound Production, I've been struggling with depression/anxiety since I was 15. This is my first post, here we go... I guess the biggest thing going on with me at the moment is the realisation that I am truly Ill and have been for a long time. My acknowledgement and acceptance of my own mental illness has grown gradually over the past year or two (very gradually and with little to no action taken) but recently the realness of it all has really smacked me in the face. This realisation is mainly due to the incredibly overdue sessions I started with a psychologist about a month ago. The confirmation that I have a serious mental disorder is both comforting and terrrifying. Comforting because It’s all up-hill from here, It’s something that can be treated, it is possible for me to get better, and mainly, get back to myself, which I find incredibly exciting (I actually love who I am when I’m not mentally scrambled). Terrifying that this has been going on for so many years and I’ve only just started getting help. I’ve been through so much pain and I never understood how serious it was. Terrifying and also saddening how bad it had to get before I did anything. The past couple of days I’ve felt like myself. It’s a pretty foreign feeling to me, something I don’t feel very often. Right now I feel at ease. The irritableness, anger, sadness and anxiety that has been everyday life for me for so long has taken a backseat and I’m completely calm. Conversation comes easily, I have motivation to do things, my concentration is good. Basically, i’m a well functioning human for once. I am myself. There are a few strong feelings that have come up from this period of ‘normal-ness’. Mainly i’m angry at my mental illness for turning me into a wreck of a person. This huge, dark monster of an illness destroys every part of me that makes me who I am and I am so angry at it for doing that. On the other hand, i am so relieved that my true self is still around. Although it may only be a snippet, I am back to myself, I love who I really am and I can see that my illness is an illness and is not who I am. Heres to hoping that these snippets will become longer and more frequent as time goes by. Like I said, It's all up-hill from here. -Mags

pushing everyone away

replies: 2

I have pushed everyone important away from me and am feeling so lonely. For the past ten months I've been unwell and unable to work or study...although I was experiencing depression before I got sick. everything used to feel so romantic, colourful, m... View more

I have pushed everyone important away from me and am feeling so lonely. For the past ten months I've been unwell and unable to work or study...although I was experiencing depression before I got sick. everything used to feel so romantic, colourful, mysterious and now it's all a grey cloud, even on sunny days. I don't know what to feel anymore. It's so hard being in a relationship because he is so pro active and full of life, and I have to keep up with him. Sometimes I'm a mess and he doesn't know how to react...not many people do. He thinks by going for a walk or trying harder that everything will be ok but it hasn't been for me for over a year now. Im just so angry that I'm like this, sometimes I wake up in tears because I don't know how I will face the day. meds scare me, and I'm seeing a psychologist

anxiety, insomia and more (read to found out!!)

replies: 3

i have no idea how to start this... hi i'm new here, i recently found out i suffer from anxiety and i also have insomnia. ive been having trouble sleeping for the past 18 months, i normally don't get to sleep till 2 or 3 in the morning and im not a m... View more

i have no idea how to start this... hi i'm new here, i recently found out i suffer from anxiety and i also have insomnia. ive been having trouble sleeping for the past 18 months, i normally don't get to sleep till 2 or 3 in the morning and im not a morning person, i normally be late for school or sleep in for too long and theres no point going to school. i sometimes have trouble with school work because i get tired and i get distracted easily. recently i found out i have anxiety, before i found out that i have anxiety i would feel anxiuos a lot and nervous about things, i wouldn't eat much because i would feel sick for no reason and still happens to this day. since i got distracted easily i would find it hard to understand the teacher and would start to draw or do something else. sometimes i would have to ask the teacher to explain the questions or what were doing or even sometimes i would ask a friend. i cant stand studying because i get distracted easily and i like to do my own thing instead of doing boring maths or any other subjects... i am happy with my shcool though even know i dont understand most of my teachers and get distracted easily, have anxiety and insomnia. im happy because i have a lot of people who care about me although i have someone who i like and that person likes me to but the person wont talk to me because the person is to busy and moved away but i still really like that person and hope to here from that pertucular person soon thankyou to those people who read my post and understood of what i have and been going through ☺ and thankyou again to the beyond blue community

distracted

replies: 2

i can never concentrate in school anymore, i just can't stop thinking about depressing and bad stuff, and get really off topic and never get anything done, ironically i'm sitting in Maths as i'm typing this haha i wish i still cared about school and ... View more

i can never concentrate in school anymore, i just can't stop thinking about depressing and bad stuff, and get really off topic and never get anything done, ironically i'm sitting in Maths as i'm typing this haha i wish i still cared about school and work and stuff, but i dont. i'm kinda finding it hard to believe i'll ever care about anything again haha Well this a bit of a depressing post, but wondering whether anyone gets that too, like being really distracted? Jessie

confused :/ guitly? :| worried

replies: 2

so i am new to this site, so hi everyone i guess i don't really know what to do about my thoughts, phobias and anxiety triggers. and i just don't understand how this all happened really and i just feel guilty, guilty that i have everything so good an... View more

so i am new to this site, so hi everyone i guess i don't really know what to do about my thoughts, phobias and anxiety triggers. and i just don't understand how this all happened really and i just feel guilty, guilty that i have everything so good and yet can't seem to have it together. It hurts me and i feel like i can't escape it sometimes. i don't understand and i don't know what to do. i know i can't do anything. but i don't know how to push through the bad days.

Way to cope with an unhappy life and not let depression hinder work?

replies: 2

Please read my previous thread for background info: “Would talking to a psychologist help me feel better” in the Young People forum I am so anxious about immigration, because I need to do a lot of to prepare and policies are so volatile. I really do ... View more

Please read my previous thread for background info: “Would talking to a psychologist help me feel better” in the Young People forum I am so anxious about immigration, because I need to do a lot of to prepare and policies are so volatile. I really do not want to go back to my country. My mum makes the anxiety worse as she calls frequently to verbally abuse me, stress on how I have always failed, and generally say very horrible things. She would later attempt to make up with me by conversing casually and just not mentioning what happened. She has repeated this behaviour as far as I can remember, whether I live with her or not. When I tried to ignore her before, the backlashes were terrible and it traumatised me. I get terrible anxiety if I don't answer the calls. A few other things she has done: pull and tear the clothes I'm wearing if she is unhappy with them, tear my letters (I tried to communicate with her through other means as talking was futile), beating me and then telling me I'm selfish and ridiculous when I said I wanted to kill myself. She pressured me into quitting my job to pursue postgrad education and as such I am not fully independent, again. Even though she made me do it, she always says that I'm selfish, blaming me for literally everything -big or small - that happens to her, and continues to project her hatred for my father and his family onto me. 25 years ago, she couldn't file a divorce because she was pregnant with me in the first place. My mother has been a victim of the systematic misogyny in our backwards country, I know, but I hate her, I hate her so much, I constantly get sad because I know she won't die. I can't get rid of my love for her either, I still worry about her a lot. Contradicting, I know. A phone call from her would make me depressed for days, unable to do anything, and these days I am so anxious about migration, I can't focus on study, I can't read, can't write papers - I can't think. I have been so unhappy my entire life. As it stands now I have virtually no chance to pursue happiness - which would involve never having to associate with my mum again, never having to live in that terrible home country again, becoming stable and starting to invest in things that interest me. Consultation wouldn't help when the problem is with my life and not with my head. Alright, I am actually supposed to be writing a paper right now, but I cannot...for the life of me...I don't know.

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