I feel tired all the time

9helpinghand6 · ‎25-04-2017

I'm 21 and in my final year of my university degree. My first year was plagued with friendship problems as a person I considered to be my best friend (5 years) decided to 'replace' me with someone else. My second year went relatively well and I thought I had my career plans sorted and friends and relationships. I looked forward to starting every day.

My third year is where everything just seemed to go wrong. My dad has been sick for a while now and me and my mom have always been worrying about it. Last year, he suffered his second stroke and had to undergo open heart surgery and we weren't sure if he'd make it out. During this time, I also had two of my most treasured and valued friendships broken. One was with a guy I considered my other half and saw a future with, as in him and me side by side achieving our career and life goals (the feelings were reciprocated). The other, was a guy I considered to be my brother. I won't go into details just that it became a messy 'love' triangle. My uncle who me and my family went on a month trip with also passed away and that took a toll on my dad in specific.

As a result of surgery, my dad needed to rest and took time off work. Unable to handle his FIFO workload, he decided to be made redundant and find work elsewhere. He has found it now but he is still very sick and genuinely just needs a lot of rest but he can't since he's the only one working in our family.

Now, i'm in my final year and having looked at job prospects my previous career choice is not looking good. I've looked into other avenues and currently have a casual job but I'm struggling a lot. I can't motivate myself to study and I can't sleep well nowadays with the fear of the future. I don't know if I'm going to wake up and find out that my dad's gone and I'll have to support my mom both mentally and with money. We have a mortgage and bills to pay and I'm terrified of paying back my university debt. I'm pretty sure both of my parents are also experiencing anxiety and signs of depression and I really don't want them to know that I am too. Since they rely on me to be the happy and independent daughter.

I want to enter into the workforce as soon as possible to help lessen my dad's load but its hard as I have no experience and can't do much with my degree unless I get a Masters/continue studies to be qualified.

I'm not sure what I want out of posting this, maybe just advice on what to do? it's just been really hard lately and needed to unload.

LaneJ · ‎25-04-2017

Hey helpinghand,

From reading your post it sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with everything going on at the moment. Is that how it feels for you too?

It just be pretty tough worrying about your family, while at the same time trying to manage study and friendships. Its so good that you can come to the forums for some support and advice though.

While I haven't been in the same situation as you, I can understand that you must be experiencing a lot of hurt losing a few very close friendships and also your uncle. It can be really lonely and confusing when people you used to be able to turn to or talk to aren't there anymore. Do you have other friends in your life that you have been able to talk to about these situations? I know sometimes if I've got something going on and I need to chat, I've always got one particular old friend from school that will always write back to my messages. She can't always help me but she's good at just being there and listening.

Something else I wondered while reading your story is whether there are any Counselling or support services available through your university? These may be free or low cost, and worth looking into. Most universities have them and they can provide both personal and professional support (like for home concerns and also concerns related to study and career goals).

Is there anything you could do over the next few days to take some time out? Either time out just for you, or time out with your family... It sound and like you could use a little bit of a break right now! Could you watch a movie, go for a walk at a park or even just go out for coffee? These are some of the things that I find useful when I need a break from my day-to-day life. What do you usually do to relax?

Please remember that if you need to unload there are always people to talk to at beyondblue as well as on the forums. You don't have to hide how you're feeling or go through it alone.

lanejane

9helpinghand6 · ‎02-05-2017

Hi lanejane,

Thank you so much for replying to my super long thread. I can't begin to express how grateful I am for that.

Yep that's exactly how its been feeling for a while now though it comes and goes. Some days are worse than others but I'm making it through.

I recently opened up to a friend of mine that I haven't talked to in a while and it's really helped me to cope with things. Similarly to your friend, he can't help too much but is always happy to just listen to me talk whenever I need to. I haven't told him everything yet since it feels like it would be too overwhelming but I'm hoping to be able to at some stage.

I have gone to the services at my university although I can't say its really helped. I feel uncomfortable with my counselor's input since he makes it feel as though I shouldn't be worrying about things and should redirect my worries towards studies instead. I've mentioned to him that if I could I wouldn't be here but he says I need to try harder. I know he's just trying to help but it makes me feel more anxious when he says things like that. I haven't been back for another appointment but I feel like I may need to.

I used to really enjoy hanging out with my friend's to relax but due to everyone's busy schedules that makes things impossible. Nowadays, I just tend to sleep and watch TV shows to relax.

Thank you so so much again for your kind words.

Jessicatherese94 · ‎04-05-2017

Hi helpinghand,

Wow, it sounds like there's a lot going on for you right now. Congratulations on getting into your final year at university, that isn't easy. I've never experienced sickness in the family so I can't possibly understand what it must be like to have your father go through a stroke, but it honestly sounds as if you care about him so, so much and he's lucky to have a child like you. I honestly mean that. It's so obvious just from your post how much you care about your family. Relationships do fall apart, even the ones that we think might last forever. You are always brave to love though, to get to know someone and to be close to someone. I promise you, you will meet someone else and you will love again.

Can I ask what you are studying at university that will make it difficult to have a career? As for motivating yourself to study, I try to think of what my long term goals are, force myself to go to the library, talking to people in your lectures/tutorials and studying together helps too. I know it can be stressful and overwhelming to study, but I try and think about how much better I'll feel if I just do fifteen minutes! Sometimes that helps. If you think telling your parents how you felt would help you I think you should do that. Most parents would rather know what's going on in their child's life. Never feel like you have to be the happy daughter, it's honestly okay not to be okay. You don't have to prove yourself and it might be a good idea to talk this out with your parents.

What's preventing you from doing a masters or continuing your study? If you love what you're doing at university, reach for the stars! Thanks for writing to us and welcome to the forums. Please let me know how you're going.

J x