Im losing the people who love me and I can't seem to stop

[Nic22]

Hi I wasn't sure if this is how you start but I was hoping this might help me . I am currently in a relationship and have been for 4 months. I have suffered with depression and PTSD for many years and have always tried to hide it until 2 years when it got too out of hand and so I got help. At this point my family kind of knew the degree to what it was at but they didn't, and still don't, know what it means to be depressed. I tried to work through my issues but I ended up pushing them to one side and self medicating to forget. And this is where my alter ego emerged especially when I was drinking as id turn into a different person and only act as an observer to what my body was saying or doing. I am now feeling down and I'm taking it out on my boyfriend. My alter ego keeps coming back when I drink and so I've stopped. But I want to be able to go out with friends and bf and enjoy our nights and not ruin it which I have been doing for so long. To the point that my friends are sick of it. I don't know if I'm depressed like I was but Im uncontrollably sad which is brought about by the silliest things like a comment about what I'm wearing. Some nights I can't sleep because I don't want to wake up sad and have to go through the next day. I have been feeling like I'm not good enough and trying ways to improve myself. I am paranoid that my boyfriends cheating and doubting my relationship even when I know he loves me. I want to be happy and I don't want to lose my bf or friends and family like I have in the past.

[blondguy]

Hi Nic22

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I understand this empty dark feeling as Ive had depression for a long time and its a woeful illness.

That said it can also be treated but it takes patience and a strong determination to heal...even if you have a low level of depression.

Frequent counseling also works well (even your GP can help if you have a good one) I had weekly counseling for 7 months a few years ago and it made me a lot better

Do you have a counselor/psychologist at the moment......or a good GP? A great way to unlock the door from the dark room you are in Nic22 🙂

A tired mind can also make feel this way too. Mental exhaustion can come about from having way too much on your plate.

There are many gentle people on the forums that suffer similar to yourself and can be here for you

Let us know how you go Nic!

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Nic22,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I'm glad that you joined us and there's no right or wrong way to start.

It sounds like there's a lot going on for you right now and I'm wondering if you've talked to a counsellor about it? I read that you got diagnosed with Depression and PTSD so I can assume that you've seen someone but are you still in touch with them?

I really want to encourage you to reach out again if you haven't, as I think it's important that you can work through some of this stuff one step at a time. I can relate to a lot of what you've said and I agree with Paul/blondguy in that all this stuff can be managed and worked through.

I also want to emphasise that you are already enough just the way you are. It's great that you want to improve yourself and get better, but you're already enough. I'm sorry that you've lost the people around you but it doesn't have to be this way forever.