Please help, I'm 14.

[shelleyxox8]

I have been dealing with extreme anxiety for a really long time now, no other chatlines are open and i just need to talk to someone.

This time 5 years ago was the last time I saw my dad. He gave up on me, do you know how it feels for your own dad not to love you enough to even give you a phone call. I walk around the shops and see dad's taking their children out for lunch, buying them pointless things, doing whatever makes there child happy.....When i was 11 i made the decision i never wanted to see my dad again (after not seeing him for over 2 years) and i still stick by this decision. It honestly just sucks and i have found for the past week its really getting to me, I'm not sure if its because its around this time 5 years ago i last saw him or because im really starting to understand what all this means...

I've always had a bit of trouble making friends, In year 6 i was sent threatening notes and my only 'friends' were my bullies.In year 7 i had no friends and spent every day of lunch in the library. I moved schools at the start of year 8. It was hard to even find people to hang out with because they already have their friendship group...i still feel a bit like this. I have three groups im friends with at school.

 One is with two other girls (emily jess), they are really close so i often feel left out and they kinda make fun of me for going to church. I will try to organize things with them and they always bail and im always the one to organize things. 

The other group is with about 5 girls. The main girl Charlee is really weird with me. She will go 3 weeks ignoring me. Making small comments to make me sound stupid. I think she might be jealous coz she thinks that the guy she likes likes me.But then all of a sudden she will treat me like im her best friends and invite me over and everything....another girl HATES ME. like seriously has a problem with me, she would throw a ball at my face in sport, laugh and say she did it on purpose. She says things about me that not true. 

The last group is my group im closest with, ronan (this is the guy charlee thinks likes me) ben and josh. They are really really nice and i think they consider me good friends of theres too. But they are guys and i know they want their time to be with just guys, so they will all have a movie marathon together or something which is fine....but then emily and jess will be doing something together, charlee and the other girls will be doing something together... its just really hard to feel like no one wants you around...not even your own dad.

this has been giving me heaps of anxiety (i use to take tablets but they made me dizzy) and ive been cryin heaps at night time..please help

[Edward]

Although I have no personal experience with there sorts of family problems there is somthing I do know for sure, what happened with your dad is NOT your fault. If is clear he left you and was to lazy or selfish to think how that would effect his daughter. He did not give up on you, he gave up fatherhood nothing you could have some would make a good father abandon you.  But if you want someone more professional to talk to have you tried childline? You should be able to reach them all  0800 1111 .  

Try to remember all the people around you that do care, what about your mother or maybe siblings? 

But I definitely can relate to your problems at school and with friends, during all of my secondary school life I was the victim of a sort of passive aggressive hatred from pretty much everyone there including most of the staff. I have found that secondary schools seem to be full of horrible people that are struggling with pubity themselves. You do not need to have friends at secondary school try finding a hobby or an activity that can take up lots of your break times like a librarian or even just sitting in the library with a book. That got me through about 3 years at secondary school. The most important thing to remember is the people you are sick with now are not typical of the people you will be with later in life. Even at college, try finding a college that you really like that not to many people you know are going to although I know that may feel like a long way away but it will probably the most fun you have school.  

If you want some realy nice people to talk to try finding some foruns online dedicated to one of your hobbies I am sure you will find someone in the world very similar to you that can become one of your best friends.  If you are nerdy like me try the vlogbrithers on YouTubeor the netdfighters that community if great.  

Best of luck, I hope at least some of this helped and please remember life getts much better.

Edward 17

[Chris_B]

Hi Shelley,

Things sound really tough and stressful for you right now. Please remember that our help line is open 24 hours on 1300 22 4636 if you need to talk to someone.

You (and Edward too) might also want to check out our youth forums here, which we've set up especially for 12-25 year-olds to have their own space to chat. You can log in there with the same details you use to log in here.  You're welcome to post in either space.

[shelleyxox8]

Hi Edward, sorry but I only saw this now. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post, it means a lot. 

I thought I should let you know things are starting to get better with bog my situation at school and dealing with what's happening with my dad. I feel like I'm being a bit more accepted now then I was back then and I have become really close friends w with ronan and Ben. Ben works in the canteen at lunch times at school so me and ronan hang out with the other girls. It's good because when some of the girls will say something he will step in and say something back, and I do the same for him. I have been going to a youth group a lot recently witch has also helped a lot, plus a lot of my friends already go. I still feel ignored by the girls from time to time but its been a lot better. They don't say as many mean things anymore. 

Michelle 🙂

[shelleyxox8]

Hi, sorry I only saw this now.

Tahnks for replying to my message, I will be looking into the forums for younger people 🙂 thanks

[Rain_Girl]

Hey Shelley

You go girl!!! 🙂

My name is Kait and I'm 20 and the people I used to be in school with are still to this day immature and clicky. Some people never grow up and use nasty comments to make them self feel good... for some reason putting someone down boosts their self esteem. 

The reality is, you are dealing with real life problems, most of which those girls will have not faced, or may not face till they're alot older. This means that no matter how much they try to alienate you and bully you, you've already won! I bet you feel alot of responsibility in relation to the issues with your dad. That was me too. I lost my dad in a different way though, he passed away in november and I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to confront him and semi resolve my issues with him. He passed away 3 days before my final exams, so i've chosen to repeat the year and start from scratch, and this year I've had the strength to say I'm going to jump straight back into study for myself and myself alone, so I'm not really putting in the effort to make friends. It's lonely at times but the end reward is for myself and as I'm someone who likes to fix things, and i always end up taking the troubled people under my wing (to my own detriment), its easier for me to do this one on my own while i go through this difficult period.

Dont for a second blame yourself for your dads decisions. He is missing out! 

Also dont give yourself grief for feeling something too, he's your dad after all and no matter what he gave up you will have that in your mind. 

I'm glad things are looking up for you and you sound like you have a true friendship in Ronan:) frienships should be equal in give and take and it sounds like that's what you have there.

Also dont feel strange about hanging out with the boys. I'm not sure if "tomboy" is still a term, but just because you get along with boys shouldn't be something to be labelled. I have a lot of guy friends, in fact my best friend is a guy and he is also best friends with my partner so most of my time is spent with two guys:) they're lovely and never bitchy and it's like having another brother 🙂

Good luck honey, I know this message was a bit scattered but just know we're thinking of you xx

[geoff]

dear Michelle, boy I must be old for you, but with a very caring old head on.

I would be very interested for you to come back to us and let us know how these forums for younger people are. Geoff.