Phobia of men??

[c1audia__]

Hey everyone. I'm new to this website/forum, so I hope I'm using this thing correctly.

My parents and I realised a couple of months ago that I have some anxiety issues related to school and study, so I was sent to the school councillor (I'm starting year 12 this year). I saw her every couple of weeks for about a month and a half, but I didn't find it useful as I had trouble being honest and talking to her, despite the fact that she was obviously a kind and trustworthy person.

Ive always had issues talking to people, but this felt different and I would constantly get embarrasssed and nervous whenever I walked into the room and almost wouldn't say a word, and would just agree to the suggestions she had about how I was feeling (a lot of which wasn't quite true) and my apparent 'generalised anxiety'

What I really want to talk about with her (but can't bring myself to) is my anxiety when it comes to the opposite gender.

Whenever I've been asked to hang out by a guy, I've had to bring at least one friend with me, and often won't say a thing when we meet up because I get so nervous. Or when I meet a guy at a social event (which I'm already pretty nervous for) I feel the urge to run away from them, and often do end up running to the bathroom or leaving. When a guy messages me on Facebook, I dont log on for days at a time. if they ask why I haven't been talking to them I make excuses such as 'our internet crashed and we have to buy a new modem' or something (I've done this two or three times at least). And I've now stopped going to parties/outings where there are a decent amount of blokes.

I can't even handle male teachers, and I get extremely nervous before and during their classes. When they talk to me, no matter what the subject, I start sweating profusely and go extremely red and short of breath.

Ive tried meditation, and the councilling is obviously not working at the moment. I'm desperate for advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

((I'm sorry this is so long, and it's so late right now so this probably doesn't make much sense))

[blondguy]

Hello c1audia

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

No apologies necessary. If Beyond Blue didnt have new posters there would be no forums..So thankyou again:-)

Starting year 12 is a huge step into your life and being nervous around males is more common than you think

Meditation is fine over a long period of time and it works. My daughter is roughly your age Claudia and she had the same issues with guys except worse, so you are not on your own in any way.

I think you are a legend for trying counselling and well done to you. It can be difficult to 'open up' to a councellor no matter what a persons age. The key that will unlock the door to your problems is frequent sessions with the counsellor.....the more frequent the better...If you give her the chance to really get to know you....you will find peace. I understand its uncomfortable and awkward to vent but please trust me on this one....The more frequent your visits the better you will be.

Your school counsellor already knows you are nervous...Considering the strength you have to post on here you will be okay.

Its just an idea Claudia but we do get many young pro-active people like yourself that print out their thread (on here) and hand it to the school counsellor..its more relaxing to hand over an A4 (this thread) and say "I posted this on Beyond Blue the other day...." and just let them read it...You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so. Your counsellor knows its a confidential and private matter.

Just to let you know....you are doing everything very well here by posting and having the courage to do so 🙂

You are a smart and pro-active person....I do hope you can make use (engage) of the school counsellor as frequently as possible....You will only benefit.....you actually may become bored after a few visits as well as having the help you deserve and are entitled to.

I hope some of this is of help. If you are stuck in any way there are many very kind people here that can be here for you Claudia.

if you have any questions or anything you wish to discuss, you are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish.

kind thoughts

Paul

[white knight]

Hi Claudia, welcome

I want to endorse every word Paul said.

Also if you want a bit if reading google these threads.

Topic: the best praise you'll ever ger- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: confidence, search and rescue it- beyondblue

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi Claudia, Paul and Tony have given you great replies, and I hope that you feel comfortable talking with us males, we are no where near you and it's on an online site for help, and of course we don't even know your true name or where you live, so I hope that you don't mind us replying back to you, we are no threat to you, just people who want to help you.
I believe something has happened to cause this and I'm not going to guess, because it may frighten you, and that's certainly not our aim or projective, because then we would be no help at all. Geoff.

[Zeal]

Hey Claudia,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm a 23 year old female, and I've had anxiety/OCD for about 10 years now. I have an intense phobia of vomit, which started when I was in primary school.

I'm glad that Paul, Tony and Geoff have already replied. They are kind and compassionate people, and we are co-volunteers here on the forum 🙂 Paul's advice about counselling is spot-on! I also think that printing out your post to show the counsellor is a great option.

This phobia/fear of men must be so difficult, as you are exposed to men and boys every day at school and in other situations. I wonder where this fear originated from. It's perfectly okay if you don't want to talk about it here. Hopefully you will talk to the school counsellor about it, after you've had more sessions and become more comfortable in her presence. However, you might not know where this fear comes from and how it started. That's okay too.

I searched Google for info on having a phobia of men (androphobia). The only semi-decent site on androphobia I've found is this: https://www.allaboutcounseling.com/library/androphobia/
You could print the page and give it to the school counsellor, and see what she has to say.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal