Overwhelming feelings and coming across something Uncomfortable

[KFPDW]

Hey I’m not a social media kind of person, I have Facebook because my friends use messenger more than texting to contact each other. So that’s the only reason why I have it. I check off Facebook notifications so that don’t annoy me on my phone and something happened that made me feel uncomfortable. When I was checking off a video notification, I randomly scrolled down where it showed random suggestion of what is popular on Facebook at the time. Random stuff and one result came up was a video called "How to Catch a Cheater" where a guy sets up a scenario with a fake model to helps girlfriends see if their boyfriends are cheats. Except it went too far and the model got the guy to cheat. It was really disgusting to see something like that on Facebook. The girlfriend was really upset. I feel bad I ended watching the whole video. I don't support that at all and I can't believe it was on social media like that. What a creep. I blocked it as soon as the video was over so that way it doesn't come up again. But I feel very uncomfortable after seeing that. I wouldn't actively go searching for something like that. I thought it was some reality TV garbage. I’m a bad person? What doesn't help is at the moment I've been having these overwhelming feelings of arousal and reaction to the opposite gender. No matter what the situation is, there is no filter, I feel like I get rooted in the spot and there's a part of my brain that takes over and I'm trying to fight it. I'm finding ways of trying to sort these feelings out and have better control. But when I came across the video by accident, I felt that overwhelming reaction root me to the spot. It makes me feel horrible, I didn't want to watch it but my mind wouldn't let me turn away and I really wanted to turn away. I want to be nothing else but respectfully towards women. So am I a bad person?

[Sophie_M]

Hi KFPDW,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing so openly, that’s a really brave and proactive thing to do. This is a really safe, supportive space, so we’re glad you could share this with us.

Our lovely community members may be able to relate and share some of the wisdoms that have helped them. We’re sure they’ll spot your thread and share their perspectives here soon. In the meantime, here’s some things you might like to look at:

• Kids Helplines pages on the impacts of porn
• Kids Helplines pages on
  asking for help

Remember, you can always call the Beyond Blue counsellors if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636.

Thank you again for sharing. We’re sure some more of our lovely community members will be along soon with some advice and kindness for you as you work through this. It’s so important to be kind to yourself while you work through it.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[KFPDW]

Has anyone else seen my forum post yet please?

Also Thanks for the Links Sophie.

[mmMekitty]

Hello KFPDW,

First off, I don't think you are a bad person.

You have a conscience, you are able to reflect upon what you saw, & how you feel, & it is complicated, difficult stuff. & now, you are reaching out for help.

Well done.

I hope you do follow up on the suggestions from Sophie_M.

I am sure you will find there are others here, young people like yourself. There is the Friends Cafe for Young People. Have you seen that? & other places specifically for younger people.

I have a feeling you thought you'd get a response to your post sooner than you have. I think we're a bit slower here than on other sites. I have taken a little time thinking about how to respond to you, myself. I don't want to rush a response and get it wrong.

All the best,

mmMekitty

[KFPDW]

Hi mmMeKitty,

No I haven't heard of Friends Cafe for Young People. I tried to search for it on google but I wasn't able to locate it. Don't suppose you know where it is? I've used this website before with other issues I had on my mind and the response time was quite quick before. I guess I might have posted on beyond blue on one of their more active days before in the past.

And thank you for your kind words and responding to my post. It helps me out to process these emotions. ^_^

[mmMekitty]

Sorry, I (& my awful memory) did not quote the name correctly. You will find it in the Forums category ‘BB Social Zone.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/friends-cafe---social-space-f...

& I hope this is an active link, but I doubt it. Try searching the name, using the Search the top of the page, (I don’t really know how to do this stuff)

It is called: Friends Cafée – social space for members under 25

[Hanna3]

Hi FKPDW

I was hoping that some more guys would respond to you so I hope they do.

Your responses to girls/women sound very normal to me and I'd probably be much more concerned if you weren't having these feelings!

We all have thoughts and feelings that can be unsettling and even quite dark, angry, violent and icky. Welcome to being human!

Just because we have these thoughts and feelings doesn't make us bad and it doesn't mean we are going to act on them.

You can say someone makes you so mad you want to kill them but that doesn't mean you actually intend to do it!

Have a laugh at yourself sometimes when you get these feelings and remember you're a normal human being!

It's very normal to feel attracted to women. Welcome to being a guy!

So no, you're definitely not a bad person for having these feelings, you're just a normal human being and I think you're being a bit hard on yourself!

Hope this is some help. 😊

[Hanna3]

If the video was pornography it's designed to arouse strong sexual feelings which is why it can become addictive. Having a reaction to it doesn't mean you're bad or abnormal.

People can harbor all sorts of fantasies. The thing is to understand they don't mean you have to act on them if you don't want to. If they are unsettling it might be good to chat to someone about them. Mostly I think it's healthy to have a chuckle at yourself and be kind to yourself about them.

And remember having strong feelings of attraction to women is normal but if it's distressing may be you can find a male doctor or counsellor or other guys to discuss it with.

Cheers! 👍

[KFPDW]

Thanks for responding Hanna to my post.  I'm just going to try and sum up what I'm trying to say.

-Yes I'm too hard on myself which I'm trying to stop doing.

- Yes, your points about sexual arousal and being attracted to the opposite gender being completely normal and a part of life make sense and are valid points to make. Also what you said about sexual arousal as a addiction also makes sense. Overall I want to be able to have better control of these emotions. And I realise I don 't have to be ashamed if these feelings come up when I'm attracted to someone I really like.

- Intrusive Thoughts is another thing I'm aware of and it's hard to come to terms with it but the way you put it makes it easier to process.

-Also that video on Facebook, I never saw the end of it so it might be worse in my head than it actually is. The girlfriend reacted badly and said everyone should be ashamed which was a trigger for my anxiety. But like we talked about in "Ashamed to be a White Male" Forum page, getting caught up in the actions of others isn't a reflection on me. I realise the video is designed to trigger arousal and make people feel bad too. Also there's a chance since I never saw the end of the video that it could have ended with the the boyfriend being exposed for his actions like a hidden camera show from America and confronted. So there's a chance it couldn't have ended as badly as I thought. Either way I blocked it so it won't pop up again the next time I access Facebook.

Bottom line, I don't feel like a bad person thanks to you kind words so thank you for helping me once again and Thank you mmMekitty for the link. 🙂

[mmMekitty]

Hello KNPDW,

Thank YOU! 😸, I actually got a working link into one of these posts! I amaze mmMe-self!

When you say the video might have ended like an American TVV show,exposing the 'boyfriend', I would ask, does the means justify the result?

Anyway, reading your posts you sound like a pretty well put together sort of person

mmMekitty