Girlfriend and family problems

[Rawson3092]

Hey guys, I'm knew here so I just thought I'd tell my story, give us your thoughts.

So I'm 14 years old, I have a gf, 4 sisters, and my mum and stepdad. All of my sisters have moved out I'm the youngest, I haven't seen my real father since I was 9 years old. I rang him one night because I was sick of having to visit him because he is always doing drugs, so I rang him and told him to choose between me and drugs, and he said "I would choose drugs over you anyday". My mum was already seperated from him by then so it was easy for me to not have to see him. My stepdad treats my mum a lot better but after my real father left I have really bad trust issues, so I'm not to sure how to feel about him, even though my mum got married to him this year. He is very strict and doesn't allow me to use my phone after 7:30 which is really hard because my gf is always on her phone at night time and not much during the day so this doesn't give me much time to talk to her. I also can't take my phone out of the loungeroom (which he has a security camera in) because he won't let me. I'm not even allowed to see my gf because both of our parents hate each other so this leaves me and my gf in a very difficult spot. It's also really hard because my gf's mum took my gf's phone so I have no way of contacting her, we also don't even go to the same school and covid has interrupted our relationship because we would generally sneak out to see each other when our parents went to work. This would allow us to see each other otherwise we wouldn't be able to. I've spent nights crying just because I can't see her more often and it's taking away at my mental health and idk how to deal with it. My gf is my everything I've gained so much love for her in our 6 short months together, we have only seen each other twice.

At the start of mine and my gf's relationship was our hardest period (because I actually met her at the show and it was basically love at first sight because at the end of that night I knew she was perfect) , because we don't go to the same school all the guys at her school were saying that I was cheating on her and I think that was even harder because I couldn't be there and show her just how much I care, because after all texting can only go so far.

All these things on top of; studies, Covid lockdown, work, and my sporting career leaves me in a really difficult situations and sometimes makes me feel hopeless and suicidal.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rawson3092, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you lately, it sounds like there is a lot going on, particularly with your family and girlfriend. We understand how hard it must be to sit with such strong emotions and we are sorry to hear that this has left you feeling hopeless and suicidal. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to our online community and we’re really glad that you have. We want to remind you that all life is important, including yours and you have significant strength and deserve to live a happy life.

We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you and we trust that our online members will stop by to provide some support. 

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Rawson, it's great for you to join us and very sorry for the way your situation is set up, especially when your real dad prefers drugs over you, that must be so disappointing as well as your step dad controlling what's actually happening at home.

Whether or not your parents (stepdad) and your girlfriend's parents don't get on is immaterial to your relationship with her and should have no impact on wanting to be with her, that's a decision made by the two of you and not by either of the parents.

It's just for example like being in a classroom where you and another friend don't like the teacher, this doesn't mean that the two of you shouldn't be friends and the same applies with you and your girlfriend, it has nothing to do with either parent.

Can you involve your mum, because she is your mother and your stepdad is actually not your father, so perhaps she can buy you another phone that your stepdad doesn't know about, and maybe at night you could take out the sim card and hide it because this decision should be your mum's, just a suggestion?

Another option is to meet your girlfriend after school, if this is possible, maybe it's not, but a thought.

You could also tell them that you want to ring Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 at night in the privacy of your bedroom and would rather talk to these counsellors as you have some private details that you want to remain private.

These are some ideas and hope you can get back whenever this is possible.

Geoff.

[Rawson3092]

Thank you for your reply and suggestions however, I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about anything especially to do with my girlfriend. Things have always been hard at home but now it's showing through in more detail because we have to spend more time together and that's not a good thing. With the meeting up after school it's a good idea but her school is all the way across the opposite end of town to me and she catches a bus home where as I only have to walk 10 minutes home.

[Itsme5]

I'd say to have a chat to your mum about your step-dad and let her know that he might be overstepping his role as a step-parent. Seeing as they only recently got married and you're not a child anymore at 14, It's important that you get to set boundaries. Maybe she will side with and defend him, or maybe she will understand that it's not his place to take your phone or put security cameras in your house.

Realistically, it will be pretty hard to sustain a relationship without talking or seeing each other. Another idea might be to plan to see her once a week or something like that. You could sort out a midway point between you and her and plan a weekly time and day. If your parents don't approve it should be easy enough to say you have a class or sport training or something like that instead. Not that I condone lying to your parents, but sometimes you have to find some freedom in order to grow.

Let me know if this helps!