Out of place

[Guest_07564765]

Life outta school sucks. My troubles are nothing compared to some people, and people would say I have no troubles. But I honestly am just so lost. Why did no one tell me one day I’d have all these amazing friends to the next all I have it my partner. I love him but I feel like I have no one. Sometimes I feel useless. I wonder why I spent years making friends and sharing secrets to not even saying hello to them for over a year. What’s the point in trying if life has no meaning. I have no motivation. I hate myself. I’ve gained weight and I’m ugly. And the safest part is I can recognise that I truly can’t stand myself and need to change, yet I can’t be bothered. I’m lazy. I will amount to nothing. And one day everyone will forget me and what was the point. I’m just lost. I guess I just needed to write this down, knowing at least someone will see it. 

[MatthewAdl]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Honestly, I face the same troubles. After school I lost all my friends and i immediately became lonely. I'm in Tafe but everyone is much older than me so we dont have the same lifestyles so its impossible to befriend them properly. Always remember that you have your partner 🙂 Since were in the same boat, maybe if you'd like we could become friends? Hope you start to feel better soon.

[Guest_45970298]

I feel a very similar way. I feel like I don't do anything and I'm just nothing. I spend the vast majority of time doing nothing and wishing I had more things to do. I desperately want to meet people and talk to people and do things and try to enjoy life but I have no idea how to go beyond the small group of friends and small group of activities I have. I feel completely lost and completely disconnected from the world and I get so jealous of people I think are "normal" who are so much younger than me but have had so much more social experience than I have. I have no idea what to do. My main point is that you're definitely not alone. There are so, so many people who feel like they're missing out on life and aren't able to get into it.

[therising]

Hi Guest

I've found 'Where the heck have all my guides in life gone' can be another way of phrasing the experience of feeling completely and utterly lost and alone. I feel for you so deeply as you experience such a heartbreaking and confusing time.

Guidance comes thick and fast when we're young. We're guided in how to walk, talk, dress, think and we can be guided in what to believe in. We can be guided in what schools we're going to, how to manage through structure (such as with the school timetable, what time to get out of bed and what times to eat) and the list goes on and on. Everything's set up to create a kind of flow. We don't even entirely pick all our school friends when we're young. It can begin with a whole stack of parents choosing where their kids go to school and then we pick who out of all those kids we come to best vibe with. For about 18 years we're guided or directed in a heck of a lot of ways. What happens after 18? A lot of the guidance abruptly stops to a degree. It can feel a bit like 'Okay, off you go. Start self navigating'. Can take a massive amount of skills, to navigate through life. A valid question can be 'Where are all my skills to start with?'. If the answer is 'Oh, hell, I really don't have a huge amount of the skills I need at this point', it can be so important to begin identifying in strategic, helpful and liberating ways that promote growth and direction.

'Who am I?' can be the first question on any significant quest. 'I am a gatherer of new skills, I am a traveller (in life) often setting foot in seriously tough uncharted territory at times, I am someone who has an internal compass (aka 'feelings' which can help me feel my way through life, in one way or another), I am someone who gets or feels lost on occasion, I am someone who requires a sense of structure and achievement, I am a seeker of guidance when need be (in many different forms), I am someone who thrives on meaningful relationships and the list goes on when it comes to who I am'. If you're a deeply feeling or highly sensitive person, you could also say 'I'm a feeler' or 'I'm a sensitive, who can sense what I feel'.

The feeling or sensing part can be complex. While we can easily sense the feeling of 'completely and utterly lost' or the feeling of 'being in need of significant guidance', chemical sensitivity is a whole other factor. Kinda like 'Oh, heck, I can't feel any dopamine coursing through my brain. If I could feel it at higher levels, the side effect would be 'happiness' and 'excitement'. How do I generate more dopamine?'. Mental sensitivity is yet another factor. 'How am I going to channel the kind of inner dialogue that's going to impact me in physical and soulful kinds of ways? What new facets of me do I need to begin to develop?'. I'd say a good one is 'The challenger' in us. While the challenger in me could lead me to challenge my husband to work out 'Why do I feel so depressed right now?', he's typically not someone who accepts that kind of challenge. On the other hand, my 18yo son and 21yo daughter love that kind of a challenge. They'll question me 'til we all get to the bottom of things. My kids are 2 of my greatest guides, when it comes to me gaining a sense of direction and a greater sense of self.

The best guides can be key to us moving forward. They can be easy to sense, based on the way they lead us to feel. On the other hand, the worst guides are ones that leave us with no sense of direction or ones that lead us south (in completely the wrong direction). Who would you say could be your best guide or 'go to' person right now?