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Dating

Tara_
Community Member

Hi there, 

 

I was dating someone for the last few months, things didn’t end very well. I guess I made mistakes pushing him away. I have felt guilty ever since then.

I know he has already moved on with someone else which is a horrible feeling.  I’m finding it all overwhelming at the moment. It’s really hard moving on even though it was only at the dating stage.
The whole relationship thing all seemed new to me. 

Any dating advise/ moving on tips/feeling less guilty about it all would be appreciated. 

2 Replies 2

Hey there Tara_,  

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing a bit about what has been going on with you lately. You've taken a great step in coming here to seek support and we hope our community is able to provide you with some guidance. We understand how you are feeling, although dating someone can be fun it can also leave you feeling confused and with mixed emotions when things don't work out.

Often a sense of guilt comes from our inner-critic telling ourselves that we 'should've' done something differently when in reality we all do the best we can at the time. It can be an awful feeling when that person moves on with someone else and we understand how overwhleming it seems. Please know you are not alone in these feelings, know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. 

Additionally you can always discuss your dating concerns or relationships issues with Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their website about different topics such as communication which is always important in relationships.

We hope you are being kind to yourself during this time, self-care is important especially during times of stress. Please know that we are always here and thanks again for sharing.

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Tara

 

It can be so tough at times, learning through hindsight. 'If only I had done this' or 'If only I'd done that'. It would be so much easier in some ways if we could learn a lot on the spot or while we're in a relationship with someone. As you reflect on the way things were and on how things could have been different in some way, I hope I can offer you perspective that allows you to be much kinder to yourself.

 

I've found that it doesn't necessarily matter what kind of relationship we share with someone (whether it's a partner, sibling, parent, friend etc) all constructive relationships should work kinda the same way. Ideally, it should be about people being able to bring out the best in each other, raising each other in a number of ways. Whether we're raising each other's spirits, raising each other's consciousness, raising each other to wonder, laughter, adventure or something else, this is the kind of stuff that not only develops others but it helps develop us in a number of ways too. While you reflect on the person you were dating, perhaps it's worth asking 'In how many ways did he raise me and did he give up too easily?'. Raising people is not always easy work. For example, while it takes no effort to inspire a party goer to attend parties, it takes a certain type of person to lead someone who experiences social anxiety to feel at ease attending parties. To raise a socially anxious person to find the best in themself with confidence is something special.

 

Maybe it's worth asking 'What kind of person would I like raising me and what kind of person would I like to raise at the same time?'. It then becomes about being able to raise each other to greater consciousness, each other to laughter, each other through challenging times etc etc. It's about finding someone to travel together with on life's path.