Hi Tara
It can be so tough at times, learning through hindsight. 'If only I had done this' or 'If only I'd done that'. It would be so much easier in some ways if we could learn a lot on the spot or while we're in a relationship with someone. As you reflect on the way things were and on how things could have been different in some way, I hope I can offer you perspective that allows you to be much kinder to yourself.
I've found that it doesn't necessarily matter what kind of relationship we share with someone (whether it's a partner, sibling, parent, friend etc) all constructive relationships should work kinda the same way. Ideally, it should be about people being able to bring out the best in each other, raising each other in a number of ways. Whether we're raising each other's spirits, raising each other's consciousness, raising each other to wonder, laughter, adventure or something else, this is the kind of stuff that not only develops others but it helps develop us in a number of ways too. While you reflect on the person you were dating, perhaps it's worth asking 'In how many ways did he raise me and did he give up too easily?'. Raising people is not always easy work. For example, while it takes no effort to inspire a party goer to attend parties, it takes a certain type of person to lead someone who experiences social anxiety to feel at ease attending parties. To raise a socially anxious person to find the best in themself with confidence is something special.
Maybe it's worth asking 'What kind of person would I like raising me and what kind of person would I like to raise at the same time?'. It then becomes about being able to raise each other to greater consciousness, each other to laughter, each other through challenging times etc etc. It's about finding someone to travel together with on life's path.
