This is likely to end up as a bunch of incoherent ramblings as it's after 2am and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, just that I need to get stuff out of my head somewhere people will possibly read it.
So, 21, Female, no list of diagnosed issues.
I spent a good portion of my teenage years being sick, the years when you develop great friendships, start shaping who you are and who you want to be in the future. I was really sick, and missed a lot. After 6 years I was left with one option. I had to have surgery to remove my entire large intestine, and was left with an Ileostomy. Essentially, a piece of my small intestine pokes through the wall of my abdomen, and an adhesive bag is attached to collect poop. Before I had the surgery I had a bf, our relationship continued after I had the surgery and he was very supportive and didn't have a problem with the ostomy bag. I've had the bag for over a year now, and been without my ex for over 6 months. In this time I've been rejected by 3 different men who were very into me but then suddenly disappeared at the mention of my Ostomy. I also gained a LOT of weight due to one of the medications I was on for my disease. Combine being severely overweight with an Ostomy bag and voila, instantly unattractive. Sprinkle some rejection on, add a dash of snide remarks from strangers and we have an even better dish of self loathing.
I became fairly isolated whilst sick, and now I don't have any friends, aside from a couple of people I talk to online. I'm terrified of meeting them IRL and constantly make excuses. It freaks me out to the point where I wont even talk on the phone to them or skype with them. My only social interation is with family.
Lately the rejection of a really great guy sent me into a spin. If he was an a***hole I could handle it, it wouldn't matter, but he's actually a really great guy so it messed with my head.I feel like I'm going to live the rest of my life alone, and once I move out I'll basically live in isolation only seeing people for family gatherings and work. I know it's silly, and people will say "you're only 21, you're still young" but they haven't had to deal with having an actual bag of poop on their abdomen. No one wants to get physical with that. Plenty of guys don't have an issue with fat, but they can't handle an Ostomy. Theirs a stigma around Ostomies, and a societal belief that they're only for old people. When a young person has one it's suddenly a tragedy, a story to tell to fill others with horror. In high school we watched a video of a guy who had been drink driving, caused an accident, and ended up with an Ostomy. They made it seem like it was the most disgusting thing ever, they basically shamed it. Thankfully I didn't have mine yet, but I knew at that point that it was an option. Looking back it seems like a really awful thing to do.
So yeah, my ramblings. It basically amounts to poor me, I loathe myself, pity me.
