nowhere else to go..

[patrick1256]

i just created an account here because I have a lot to get off my chest and i need guidance.

ill try and keep a reallllllly long story as short as possible.

i suffered through years and years and years of abuse, then a lot of mental abuse that made me feel worthless and like a waste of a life. and i was sexually abused once in a semi unrelated event and i don't feel comfortable talking about it. and i tend to suffer from bad sleep paralysis, basically a sleep disorder when your mind wakes up while your body is still in its sleeping stage and you can see, but cant move and you get really bad/scary/demonic hallucinations.

theres a lot of small things i leaft out obviously but the point is, all of this has lead up to me, a 19 year old who only dreams of a new life.

yes i experimented with drugs a little bit to try and "cure" my thoughts but i stopped because they made things worse and

i have self- harmed a few times but not recently. and i tried killing myself but that obviously didn't work.

i gave up on religion because i felt abandoned by god, but after a long internal conflict with the way i was brought up i started to believe again in hopes of change.

and right now im at the worst state ive ever been because a 2 weeks ago i dislocated my leg and tore 2 ligaments in my knee so basically

im laying alone in my bed thinking about everything and its all crashing down on me.

i feel like i said too much to start and im not sure what will happen after i post this but if anyone can give me advice or anything i would greatly appreciate it

[White_Rose]

Hello Patrick

Welcome to BB and thanks for telling us your story. You are safe here as no one will be unkind to you. Moderation is strict.

You have a number of problems to deal with. Having just one is bad enough. I would like to clarify a couple of things if I may.

Do you live alone, with family, with friends? It makes a great deal of difference if you are living with someone who cares about you and can help to look after you, especially with your injury.

Are you working/at uni/unemployed? Again this is going to have an impact on your well-being.

When you say you lived through years of abuse I take it you mean physical abuse. Not that one type is better or worse than another. All are despicable.

The first place to go to start healing is your doctor. Perhaps you have already done that and have been referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist? If not, then I urge you to see your GP or find a GP from the tabs above. The Facts or Resources. It is important that you have skilled help. We will support and advise you as much as possible but for obvious reasons we cannot diagnose or treat you.

I am concerned about your self-harm. The BB phone number 1300 22 4636 is also a good place to start. The people who talk to you can give heaps of advice and help.

I have a very firm faith in God so I encourage you to continue to develop this side of your life. However, others may disagree and of course it is up to you. I won't go on about it.

Depression plays all sorts of tricks with our minds, often making us believe we are stupid or unworthy of help or goodwill from others. So keep telling yourself you are a worthwhile person.

While you are lying in bed it is so easy to let your mind rule. Physical exercise can help but not in your circumstances.  Can you get out of bed at all? Having a different view of the world should help and if you can sit up at all it will also help. Something else, depending on your mobility, is to be as active as possible. Get someone to play games with you if possible, do jigsaw puzzles, write poetry or prose.  The ideal opportunity for the great Australian novel.

Music is good for the mind and soul. I usually have some music going in the background. Do you have any ambitions for your life? Going to uni for example. What career aspirations do you have. Go through the possibilities in your mind and find out what quals you will need.

Get back to us with the story of how you are going so far.

Regards

LING